Do girls change their outlook on a guy if he changes his body significantly?

When I started college I wasn't in very good shape. I wasn't really fat, but I wasn't fit either, I was what I've heard called "skinny-fat." I had very little muscle from being inactive during my high school years and I was flabby from eating an unhealthy diet. Since then, I've totally changed my lifestyle and my body. I started lifting weights as part of a campus program and have gained 40 pounds of muscle. Most importantly, I've changed my body composition from being 210 pounds with over 30% bodyfat to 190 lbs with about 8% bodyfat. My upper body isn't huge, but I actually have muscle definition now and look like a man rather than a little kid.

When I was a freshman, I fell for this girl in my dorm. She's gorgeous, and I never had the courage to ask her out because I considered her out of my league. We know each other, but only as acquaintences. Since I've made my transformation I've gained more confidence. I'm to the point now that I'm ready to start seriously dating girls. I'm tired of being left out and I'm ready to start getting what I want in life. I really want to ask this girl out, but I wonder if her opinion of me was set when she knew me from before. If she sees me know as a leaner, socially stronger guy, is it possible that she would re-evaluate me as a guy, or will she always see me as the guy I used to be?

I just wonder if girls see guys differently when we change ourselves or if once labeled we carry that mark forever.
I guess the answer is that it's possible for girls to change their view on a guy, but my question is, is it likely? In other words, how difficult is it for a guy to change his aura? If girls saw me as a fat 'beta male' before, is it possible for them to now see the leaner me as an 'alpha male'?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think it is awesome that you're working on bettering yourself! Weather you're skinny, fat, muscle-headed or athletic good women will judge you first on your personality!
    I used to be 230lbs and not very confident and now I'm 140lbs and I've became more confident in myself inside and out. I always worry people who knew me before hand would still see this 'fat girl' But I think have living both ways it humbles you and hopefully she will see your personality first.

    If you don't mind people go answer my question. It would be a big help! :-)


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What Girls Said 4

  • Your entire question is on the presumption she sees you the way you saw yourself. If it is about gaining the confidence to feel you can now ask her out, then all the praise to you - but remember, this is your own perception. She may never have seen you negatively.

    I've never been a materialistic girl so I can't speak for girls who judge looks at the top of their criteria. To me, it has always been less about the physical appearance and more about the confidence. I would hope most girls could agree with me.

    And no, no label sticks. Just like respect, when lost it can always be regained.

    • Thanks for your response. I know that some girls are very focused on looks, though, because I see the difference in the reactions I get now vs. how girls used to react to me. A lot more girls turn to look at me when I'm out and about, and when I talk to girls they seem more intent, whereas before they tried their best to end conversations as quickly as possible. The overall level of rejection I face now is just so much lower. But, it's possible that she never saw me as a lesser guy, that that's just my own perception based on how I felt about myself.

  • No one carries a mark on themselves forever. You have the power to change anyone's mind.

    And then only the stupidest people will continue to look at you the same; those you would likely find unappealing anyway.

    You just have to keep going when they expect you to stay the same. Because people will struggle with you, to keep you in the same box they had for you when they first made that box for you.

    If you're confident enough about it, you can change their minds. But you have to change yours first.

    • "If you're confident enough about it, you can change their minds. But you have to change yours first."

      That's very true, and that's been the hardest part. My roommate makes fun of me for looking at myself in the mirror, thinking it's me being full of myself, but it's really me trying to remind myself that I'm not longer fat and out of shape.

  • I think, even though she knew you from before, that her perception of you has changed.
    It sure has, and not only in the "he´s really attractive and fit now"- physical kinda way-(which is great to btw) but also it shows everybody else and not just her that you became constant, responsable, disciplined, interested in how you look and in your own well-being. The fact that you are now working out shows you take care of yourself, and that on its own is attractive.
    Also doing so gives you confidence and thats great. So yeah i think you should definitely ask her out

    • Thanks so much for that encouragement. Asking her out will be a big risk for me because I've never asked out a girl like her before.

  • Just ask her out and see what she says. Worst thing that could happen is she says no. That's it. You don't have to complicate things.

    • It's complicated because of my feelings for her. I'm not one of these guys who just wants a girl with a hot body and a pulse. I evaluate girls on a lot more than just their bodies.