How exactly do I start dating and meeting potential romantic interests?

Many people talk about dating and going on dates in general as if it's something one CHOOSES to do. They'll advise you to "go on dates". When I bring up my complete lack of dating experience, many cite examples of people who either a) did not take the initiative in trying to get dates, b) neglected romantic/sexual opportunities for whatever reason and as a result are inexperienced, or c) are not even close to inexperienced as I am themselves.

What amazes me is how few of these people are legitimately in the same position as me - someone who has honestly tried in the past to put himself out there and asked out quite a few girls, watched like a hawk for opportunities and still did not detect a single one, has not even received mixed signals or a single indication even of interest thus far, and did not even manage to make platonic friends with a girl. My absolute and complete inexperience is not at all voluntary (practically).

Yet people treat "going on dates" or "dating" as if it's a voluntary thing people do. Well then - enlighten me. What should have I done to "go on dates"? Again, I initiated conversations with many girls in the past and asked out quite a few from my school in the past. The problem is that my specific school environment completely rejects me socially due to a scarred reputation from the past, so that's not a viable option at all. I've also only had a few friends in general over the years and have lived an extremely sheltered life in general. I've never even needed a curfew thus far and I'm almost 18. I went out with some acquaintances a few times last year, but that is all. This makes it extremely difficult for me to even meet girls outside of school as I the very few friends I have are not good candidates themselves in causing me to meet other people outside of high school.

I'm looking to get a job in the near future and recently got my driver's license. What exactly am I supposed to do to simply start going on dates?

As a side-note, I also wanted to address this issue of "letting it come" and "it'll happen". That may be true for getting into relationships specifically, but where the misunderstanding arises is when I and others have interpreted that to also apply to dating itself.

Besides, many people are clearly going on dates voluntarily as an active choice on their part. So this doesn't seem like a valid example of "late bloomer". This isn't an involuntary delay in development.
The term "late bloomer" is only applicable to folks who have chosen to not take part in certain experiences voluntarily and/or developmental delays that are universally agreed upon to not be affected voluntarily by the subject. Again, I'm not simply a person who's "never dated" by choice; I've wanted to and sincerely have tried in the past and again, did not receive even an indication of interest (not even platonic).

Shyness or lack of initiative is also a form of "choice".


Most Helpful Girl

  • In high school, dating is significantly harder for the people who don't have many friends or aren't part of a group. Being 17 and inexperienced is not an uncommon thing, so I hope ya don't feel alone in your situation or lose hope.

    - Maybe try to approach girls who aren't really "out there" socially, like the shy or quiet, nice girl types.
    - You could also join clubs and get involved to increase your chances of meeting new people.
    - You said so yourself that you may have a "reputation" at your school for whatever reason, so maybe try to approach girls outside of school as well, like at the mall, a restaurant (you can write your number on the check if a waitress seems into you), or some local event.
    - I think the best and easiest way to meet girls (and guys) is through friends, so maybe try to hang out more and go places with the few friends you do have, or make new friends.
    - You could also give online dating apps a shot.

    In the meantime, try to stay positive and busy. Work towards becoming the best version of yourself -- both physically, personality-, and goal-wise and I think things will fall into place eventually. This is all coming from a girl who was never approached in high school and didn't go on her first date until the summer after senior year.

    Life, for me at least, got a lot better after high school. You get a complete fresh start (who you were in high school doesn't matter once you graduate), and are able to focus on doing what you want to do, whether that's going to school, working, etc.

    • This is by far getting MHO for your gender. Quite a few unhelpful, sarcastic, and trivializing answers, and many others were mediocre at best. Made me feel like shit and I haven't slept in 34 hours because of the stress this question and me responding to everyone is causing.

      Anyway, I still have a few questions and comments about your post.

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    • As far as approaching in school goes, I do think it’s okay to try talking to someone random just for the sake of it. While you’re waiting for class to start, you could strike up a conversation with someone who’s near you. Even if you’re not interested in that person romantically, it gives you a chance to meet a potential friend. If you have Facebook, you could start a conversation on there with someone from one of your classes, maybe asking her about homework or making a comment or joke about the class. If you notice someone in your class who always seems depressed and/or alone, catch up with him or her after class and say hi.

    • I know it’s easier said than done, but maybe try focusing on other things like your schoolwork, a hobby, a sport, a club, getting a part time job (another way to meet people!), etc., and not on dating. Work on your own happiness and self-love – it sounds like you’ve had major negative experiences in the past, so try to keep working past them with your therapist. You sound cool and introspective; you shouldn't have to feel insecure.

Most Helpful Guy

  • Do everything you can to get outside of the house... the issue with living sheltered is that u don't expose yourself to many people.

    Lockup the activity calendar in your city or town, and sign up for some activities. Go for walks around you neighborhood and various neighborhoods. Explore your area.

    Being out and about doing stuff, is how you experience life and meet people... including girls. ;-)

    • ... and then u ask those girls for their phone number or contact info, and talk and create some rapport.

      This is how dating goes in the real world (as in after high school)

    • Thank you for most relevantly answering the question.

    • Glad I could help. Now go get out there!

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 12

  • 'Watched like a hawk' this speaks volumes about your style of approaching women.

    Understand this.. Women, just like men, notice an attractive guy immediately. Its all very personal and subjective. The chances of both people GENUINELY seeing each other at first sight and finding each other incredibly attractive is rare. Its happened to me only once with my current boyfriend. That was the only time a guy 'watching me like a hawk' worked because I felt like I wanted to be hunted by this man. (Intense staring for days that would be considered creepy unless you can both sense 100% attraction)

    If this hasn't happened then the only way to create this feeling is to become friends with more women but be assertive. As soon as you know your worth without speaking of it, women will desire you more the more they get to know you.

    Get your job and buy your car just so you can feel more validated in yourself as a man. Trust me, women will be able to sense it. I don't mean in unrealistic flocks, but those you choose to get to know.
    And if you have too, drop your friends (not completely of course) because the people around you can affect your energy. Your current situation obviously isn't making you happy so you need to make some major changes to see change.

    Hope this helps in some way. I can be blunt..

    • Basically focus on taking care of yourself and your own happiness and I promise it will all fall into place. Don't think about women as it causes the opposite effect. Think about love and desire it though as that shines through positivity.

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    • I'm not ready? I am almost 18 and kids 15, 14, 13 on average have more experience than me in this department... and they don't even try!

      And again, there were many instances as I said in my original post, where I unapologetically made the first move.

    • Its not real experience. Anyone can play house..

      just once isn't enough sometimes. Put that extra effort.. Prove yourself.

  • I honestly do not get your desperation to have a girlfriend when really your whole life is ahead of you. Now is not the time as you have clearly stated, so let that go. Most find their College years to be the "Golden years" for them anyways. My first legit boyfriend was when I was 19 since I was sheltered as well, and I'm glad it happened later for me. Most couples find their future spouse at College anyways, so why risk getting a girl pregnant, disease and heartache before you find "the one".

    • Well I'm insecure not even just not having a girlfriend but as I said in the question not even receiving an ounce of interest (not even platonic) and not even being able to date whereas many people are voluntarily choosing to go on dates. I tried, but couldn't.

      Many people don't have serious relationships until later on but almost everyone has at least dated or gotten some interest. And you'll see that this is what my question was about. Read the description.

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    • I just wanted to share an anecdote to go along with this:

      There's been one friend of mine that I've been out with a few times, but that was in a large group setting in a concert and all of them ostracized me or were making fun of me (or implicitly making me out to be this innocent fool) and I was walking like a chicken with my head cut off. Of course, potential to hook up or even flirt with any of the girls there was completely out of the question (they actually poked fun at me about that and people would jokingly ask the girls there whether they'd hook up with me to which the girls would be like "hell no").

      So a lot of the problem is that I just don't know how to go about meeting people, making friends, etc. I don't know how to try outside of school either because I don't really have friends that go out themselves, as a foundation, or with the one that does, a similar dynamic as the above anecdote is the result. So I'm practically almost starting from scratch socially...

    • Anyway, thank you for your remarks.

  • Maybe don't try to getting into relationships. Work on yourself first and let the rest happen on its own. I'm 25 and have little to know experience, despite what majority of my friends and coworkers believe. Someone will appreciate your inexperience one day.

    • Which in a way makes me more pissed because I'm not inexperienced out of choice, as I said, so I'm not doing anything remarkable here.

      There are too many people that are voluntarily actually going on dates. That's the thing. Many or even most people say that going on dates is a choice. I haven't even been able to go on a date, and not even that, but as I said above, I haven't even received a single indication of romantic interest, and very little platonic interest.

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    • That's cool. Take your time.

    • I agree with what slywinkle said. I can't really give you good advice or opinions because my lack of experience is by choice. I do still think if you just let things be and not try it could work.

  • Your young and don't need this app shyt don't do it through online apps saying "serious this and longlasting that" if you want something serious

    When you get tired of serious then hop on those apps , you can "some serious BS, and possibly a longlasting Fckbuddy". Who you'll have to drop cause she'll catch feelings

    • I don't understand what you're saying.

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    • I'm not really interested in FWB's (I mean I'd have one if given the opportunity but I prefer a relationship), and I would never do that (play a girl) but hypothetically even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to as I've said all around here. See opinion comments under @Conflustered for clarification on that.

    • Well I'm glad your not that. God willing a girl doesn't make you become that type.
      Good luck dear, you seem like a decent go just stay away for "friend sites" and "buddy"apps. That's more for the older generation who adapted to technology so much they can't seem to hold a conversation unless behind a screen.
      Your still in school n stuff work etc it'll happen

  • Do it
    Just do it

    Don't let your dreams be dreams
    Yesterday you said tomorrow
    So just do it
    Make your dreams come true
    Just do it

    Some people dream of success
    While you're gonna wake up and work hard at it
    Nothing is impossible

    You should get to the point
    Where anyone else would quit
    And you're not going to stop there
    No, what are you waiting for?

    Do it
    Just do it
    Yes you can
    Just do it
    If you're tired of starting over
    Stop giving up

    • im sorry I had to

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    • Just go out and start looking for what you like in girls and just see if you get butterflies in your stomach around one. Stop holding off on dating and just go out and try

    • If you read the description, you'll see that I never "held off". I wish people would understand this. It was actually kind of the point of writing that long post originally. I've wanted to date for a long time and even tried to many/quite a few times (talking to girls, initiating conversations, and asking out girls in the past). See my response to the most helpful girl for more information as I sum up why I'm in such a desperate and helpless position at the moment.

  • You could try online dating

    • I tried that too. I have swiped right hundreds of girls on Tinder over the past year and I was swiping around 70% to the right, so clearly this is not an issue of bring picky either.

      I made only very few matches and almost none of them even responded.

      I also tried on this other dating site and again saw hardly any reciprocation.

      Plus, I'd rather not online date as men holistically have severely deflated chances on there and I'd rather meet a girl in real life at this point.

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    • @judylouwho oh really is that Ireland too?

    • Its what I've seen in the US. Don't know if its true any/everywhere else?

  • Dont do dates... just do hangout nights with friends and invite some girls and she will be there

    • Sounds like a good idea but the problem is that my overall social life is so completely inactive that even that isn't a viable option. See opinion comments under @slywinkle for more information.

    • Okay then i have a risky idea. get your parents to invite over their friends and their friends sons/daughters for dinner or something and just build a list

    • Yeah my parents' friends' kids all have little kids or people that don't talk to me much. lol

      Seriously though, I like your first idea and that's what I should look to pursue.

  • I know the feeling! I've only ever been on one date. I would suggest working somewhere that the employs a lot of young people. I work at an amusement park and it's so easy to meet people my age there

  • Your not ready for it.

    • Explain please. How so?

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    • Why push and give people false hope when they are full of insecurities? My advice is if one is brave is enough to look at themseelves and dare to think better and stop thinking OMG they are saying this OMG they keep doing this to me OMG Omg this and that , and all these excuses. It is inevitable he is not ready. The outer world is a reflection of our inner world. I don't buy into victimhood.

    • Big jake does not knw any fucking practical advice except compete with others for internet exposure.

      Asker, you make too much excuse. It's time to write a better script than tell the same old boring story that you can't do this because x, y and z reasons. If you feel crippled by the world. then you can't do anything and you ARE not ready to make any changes or do anything different because inside , you still feel the same about everything restricting you.

  • Just go out and meet people and if you find someone interesting and you want to ask them out go for it

    • Well that's what I want to do, but i don't know how to go about meeting people outside of high school due to the reasons mentioned in response to @slywinkle.

      That's kind of what the question was.

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    • Already tried that. See under @Conflustered.

    • Well keep trying somethings gotta give

  • Relationships are overrated.

    • Did you even read the description? It was about not being able to get dates or generate interest (romantic or platonic) at the basic level, let alone relationships.

      Almost anyone who hasn't been "in a relationship" has at least either dated or had such flirtatious or platonic interactions with the opposite sex.

      Furthermore, many people are voluntarily choosing to go on dates, whereas I couldn't get one to save my life despite trying to it was a valid question.

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    • i appreciate your honestly lol

    • @BackInGame thanks 😁😁😁

  • I know how you feel. People act as if I can make a guy I like date me or they act like it's easy and voluntary. I take initiative too and yet I still have not been asked out

    • I know, right? However, I believe them that it's voluntary but at the same token feel even more frustrated and worthless because I don't know what to do about it.

    • ask the guy out. Guys respond a lot more with yes than girls generally do. If he says no, then you never had a chance to begin with and it's no big deal. Nothing to lose.

What Guys Said 28

  • What is it about you that makes you so different than other guys your age? There must be something that you are doing or saying, or not doing or not saying, that makes girls not respond to you. Or maybe girls do give you some signs but you don't recognize them. Or maybe you have your sights set on the homecoming queen/cheerleader-type and you are overlooking the plain jane who would be a lot of fun if you spent time with her.

    Everybody is unique. . . blah, blah, blah. . . but we are all much more alike than we are different. I am not trying to pick on you; I am seriously asking you: what is it about you that makes you so different from the others?

    • My school population in general (except for a few people) continues to, as it always has, ostracize me completely, not take me seriously, and hold a negative opinion of me due to issues and some of my ways of the past. This has made it virtually impossible for me to make any progress.

      Again, as I said in the original question, I'm practically 100% positive that I got absolutely no signs. I was very sensitive to detecting signs, but again, these girls often did not even want to talk to me, and even in spite of girls not giving me signs, I STILL took the initiative and asked some of them out, so in many cases that would be a moot point.

      But this is what I mean by not even receiving any INDICATIONS (or signs) of interest.

      I'm not at all picky. I've swiped about 70% of girls on Tinder to the right over the past year and I've swiped hundreds, and I've only gotten a few matches (which in almost none of them did any respond).

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    • I'm looking for a part-time job, but I don't know if it will expose me to people my age. Plus, around town, again practically no one is interested in talking to me (except a select very few people).

      I don't go to church. I'm agnostic.

      All of my relatives live in a different country.

      Volunteer activities - good idea, if I can look for some outside of this town, but even then, I'm not so sure how to act and what to do. Often times, volunteer activities don't really have that many people, and my schedule is going to be largely inflexible if I get a job.

      Interest groups - good idea, but I don't really have any quirky interests like that. I play an instrument, and I did join an orchestra, but all the people there were in their pre-defined cliques from which I was also ostracized.

    • And yes in response to #3. I really don't know. Although I think it's significant to note that look, I haven't even had the option to meet anyone through relatives. Like that's how low my overall potential has been.

      And I just don't know how to get going, whereas "choosing to go on dates" as people make it sound like seems especially out of the question.

  • Well, I'm no good at this stuff either, to be honest, but things have improved slightly for me. What I'd do is focus on making a few friends right now. As you make friends, your social circle widens. Female friends are also great for someone in your position because it allows you to get used to talking/ being relaxed with girls without the pressure of romance hanging over your head. Once you get more accustomed to socializing, things will be easier, and having friends allows you to get to know more girls, simply because they know the same people you know. It is really hard to find romance if you don't socialize and are always alone.

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    • Anyway, today I've pulled my first all-nighter, not because I had homework but because of severe anxiety, anger, and negative emotions revolving around this and having to explain to everyone in this question my situation. It's just... this problem has existed for a few years, and I've been stressing over it immensely and unusually much for the past two years, and with time it's just getting worse naturally.

      I know, I need help. I am changing therapists, because my old one (~11 months) hasn't done any cognitive work and thus hasn't really helped me out while in actuality I really need some CBT or cognitive distortion, but I don't see my new one until two weeks later...

    • I've been in a similar situation myself for much of my life, so I can understand at least some of what you're going through. I've come to realize that the way I tend to think is self-defeating, and was the cause of most of my problems. Its easy to think of yourself as lacking some crucial social trait that others possess, but in truth its like anything else, you get better with practice. I think most people have some trepidation in social situations, especially when out of their comfort zone. It can seem an insurmountable task, especially if you haven't done it much. Making friends isn't something that can be forced. It has to happen naturally, at its own pace. First thing is to talk to people, even if its just small talk. Just talk to any and everyone you can, and don't focus on the outcome, just focus on having a conversation.

  • What scarred your reputation if I may ask?(I can't really help answer the actual question since I too have always found it confusing) perhaps a solution to that will help improve your odds? I have read however that the best way is essentially networking, make a lot of friends and you end up meeting there friends which widens your pool of potential dating partners plus it allows you to indirectly establish yourself with them by simply being around which itself will help make conversations flow more readily and by extention make the process of asking them out easier and potentially increase the probability of an exceptence.

    • I had behavioral problems in elementary school and that led to initial ostracization, which sort of snowballed into later years, and in general I was always picked on as a young child. I will admit - I was sort of an annoying twat through elementary, middle, and early high school even. Wasn't superb on my hygiene either. And I myself, had always been self-absorbed in my interests and never really made any efforts.

      That all changed a couple of years ago, but by then it was too late as the public schools population's low opinion of me had already been very solidified. There were also a couple of rumors going around about me.

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    • I truly don't know what to do and it's so frustrating that even in this question, people are acting as if I'm making the conscious decision to not date when I've wanted to and tried to over the past couple of years.

    • Hygiene? Thats an odd one, if I may ask whats your personality type?(INTPs like myself tend to forget basic things like meals and sleep when caught up in an idea I imagine that would extend to other habits as well) Well your in highschool, the most judgmental place you can be. So I would honestly just stop caring (easier said then done) and make friends. Maybe try with girls that seem socially awkward/shy, they tend to be a little more open minded in my opinion being in a similar situation themselves. Though it may be that college is where you will get a fresh start which wil help, there are no reputions from highschool and is large enough that its hard to develop a bad one plus more people. Not exactly what you want to hear but its good to keep in mind that what ever the situation now, it will change for the better later.

  • Well, I have not read this entire thread yet, so I hope I am not repeating anything someone else might have brought up. One approach you might want to use, is not to look for a "date". Instead, focus on finding a woman with common interests, and then start doing things together sharing that common interest. Whatever your interests might be, join a group or club having to do with those interests, and meet people. It is common interests that hold people together anyway, so why not start out that way? The reason I say all this is, I was just thinking the other day what I could have done differently in my younger life. I was thinking myself, that I'd not have focused so much on "finding a date" as I would looking for women I "clicked" with more and enjoyed similar hobbies or sports, etc.

    I hope this helps.

  • Comrade, you are trapped in a cycle of self-defeating acts and reactions. You try hard to the point of oozing desperation, which scares them away all the more, which intensifies your desperation, which sends them running, which amplifies your desperation, which…

    Beak the cycle! Stop giving a damn and live your own life independently from them for now, at least (until you're in a better internal state): Treat all with benevolence indiscriminately for no ulterior motive. Pursue good (both uprightness and improvements) always for no ulterior motive. Earn competence in whatever is expected of you (like your studies for now). Pursue something non-girl related (like an answer to a burning question, a better version of yourself, a hobby, etc.) with a passion. Stop obsessing with girls and, for a set time (maybe 1 year), focus on nothing but self-improvement, overhauling your weak points, and building just a better person.

    Don't be the dog cats run from. No matter how much you sprint, they will run faster and more frantically. Be the fish or the milk. Does fish or milk have to do anything to attract cats? No, they already will just by being what they are and doing what they already do naturally.

    Whatever better version of yourself you wish to be, pursue it and they will go after you. Of course, (as stated earlier) all these improvements shouldn't be done for an ulterior motive (like girls). Good must be pursued because it is good. Let attraction be the natural, UNintended consequence.

  • I was just like you. I never had any girl friends until 12th Grade. I remember, when a girl looked at me, I would freak out. Literally, my heart would start beating quickly and my face would turn red. Girls were aliens to me. But Deep inside, I knew that I NEED a girl to love me. Thats why I decided to change. The first thing that I did was making friends with girls. I got to a point where all of my closest friends are girls.. Except for 1 guy. And I think that made a huge difference on me. I got really comfortable talking to girls and most importantly being myself while doing it. At the same time, I started reading books on how to attract women. One book that I recommend is "How to be a 3% man" by Corey Wayne. I also watched tons of youtube videos. Then I started practicing my skills by talking to girls online. Online, At first I never attracted any girl, but eventually, I did; which put some theory into practice. THENNN, it was time for college. I was equipped with confidence, knowledge and determination. I started meeting a lot of girls.. But you know, not a single girl showed any sign of interest or did they? ;) I never knew if they did or not but what I know is that I never stopped being confident. i never stopped smelling nice or dressing nicely. Until one day, a very sweet girl came into my life. She secretly liked me. What else? i liked her back. But I never Knew that she liked me. Because I thought "she is out of my league". I mean literally. She is so alive, outgoing, confident and pretty. Me? Im so calm, boring and quiet. One day, a friend of mine told me "bro wake up, she likes you". Then everything happened quickly. I confessed my feelings and she did too. After that, we didn't even date. We just hungout normally and We just loved each other's company until we decided to commit into a relationship. And here I am. i have a girlfriend. Who could have guessed that about me? I mean, just a little over a year ago I was convinced that I am doomed to be "forever alone". But what happened? How did I end up not being forever alone? You know the answer by now. Since I do not know you as a person, I cannot tell you what to do to get into a relationship. I do not know what kind of advice to give you. So I hope my story will help you out. Good luck!!

    • Well that's the problem. I don't even know where to go to make female friends, where to meet people, etc as high school is completely out of the question for the reasons I mentioned in response to other people in this question.

    • Plus having confidence is never easy

  • Suppose you did have problems younger, misbehaved a lot and have now come into the norm. Elementary school should not affect high school; people change, a lot.. How you get past that is to be the most gentlemanly person in school. Take initiative, help the teachers, get good grades and tutor the other kids. If a girl drops her books, pick them up for her with a smile, but not as a come-on. Think of the nicest person you know, and use him as a role model. Think of some questions ann things to say to the girl sitting next to you in class, "That color looks great on you." Say it, then stop.

    None of this is going to get you a date, but it will help overcome any lingering reputation issues and it will help you get female friends. Those friends will help you learn about yourself.

    A funny thing about pairing up, is that guys and girls tend to find their relative matches on the attractiveness scale (overall, not just physical attractiveness).

    Here are words for the rest of your dating life: Do not ask out the girl you like, ask out the girl who might like you.

    What girls in your school have the same problem you do, in that they would like to go on dates, but no one is asking them? Maybe they are overweight or nerdy, or too shy. Maybe they are just not all that pretty. Doesn't matter, you don't have to find her attractive.

    Your objective at this point is to figure out what kind of girl that is that likes you, and that takes a lot of practice, and then know how to engage their minds in conversation. I have dated literally hundreds of women, mostly for just coffee or over something to eat. I can often now identify a girl that will sleep with me just by seeing her across the room (and I don't mean a bar).

    Don't be pushy on a date, you are just trying to get to know them. Ask questions, tell stories, watch their reactions and especially their eyes. When are they paying attention, when are they drifting off? This is a basic skill. You have to master it before you can meet a girl and tell her she will follow you to bed, and she will. And don't push for a relationship until she is asking for it, because it will scare her off.

  • you are only 17, it's not surprising that you have no experience. What are you supposed to do? Just meet a girl, if you chat for a bit and it's nice just ask her to do something with you. Anything. The old song is true "There's a girl sitting next to you, and she's just waiting for something to do" They want to be asked, but it's your job. If one says no, then ask another.

    • I have no good way of meeting girls because I don't have an established social life and because high school is completely out of question for me as a venue at this point. See opinion comments under @slywinkle (sorry for tagging you so much) a more in-depth explanation on that.

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    • No idea. The hardest part about getting a date is having the courage to ask. Have you really asked them all?

    • Yes, I've asked out quite a few girls in the past. I have no issue with asking, although I haven't done it in the past few months simply because I am not meeting people outside of school because I don't know how to go about it especially considering my circumstances.

  • You are overthinking it way too much, that's your problem, instead of wondering why you don't have any dates, you could actually do something about it. what about changing your looks a bit, go to the gym, try some facial hair, a different haircut. people will notice a difference. i was like you, i know im not bad looking and i had plenty of gf's, not that im proud of the statistic. yesterday i met a new girl, and i think she is really beautiful and funny as well. i made a deal with her, she tould me she can withstand tickeling so i said, if you can, i do what ever you want. she said she wanted me to kiss her. ice broken, and we made out yesterday. today i see her again :) anyway, like you i sometimes thought oooh it will happen eventually. i had a girl looking at me once, and she was obviously flirting with me, she was waiting for me to take action, talking to her, and i never did. i regretted it so much because she looked really hot. you see , complementing a girl isn't hard and girls loves compliments, sometimes they are fishing for it as well. and the most important part is, DO NOT CARE ABOUT WHAT THEY THINK IF YOU aren't TOGETHER. if a girl tells you to get lost loser, you walk away with a swagger and dont care at all :) just talk to girls be funny, be outgoing. and bro you are 17, ok , your not a 40 yo virgin, im 27 and im looking for a girl to settle down with, and i hope this is her. so far she seems way more like the type of girl i want, my recent ex girlfriend, all she wanted, was to party, drink and all kinds of stuff i dont care about. and she was 32, im 27. so dude go out there have fun, do sports, work out, and act like you couldnt care less ! you are wasting your time ! good luck

    • I don't know where to meet girls. High school is out of the question for me. See other opinion comments in this question.

      Also, my point is I had no problem taking action, and girls never showed an ounce of interest in me, I swear, but even then I made moves and still made no progress.

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    • when i was on holidays on the czech republic, wow by the way very good looking girls there, we were visiting a castle. the girl who was the guide, looked stunning. so seemed friendly and as i was walking outside, telling myself, should i get her number or not, my brother told me, dude get in there, and f. ck it. so i went back inside, thanked her for her wonderful tour, and told her, if she wanted to grab a drink with me sometime. she said , what if i say no, i told her well i have a little cry but then drink some local beer, and forget about it '', she laughed, gave me her number , saw her 2 times, we kissed and i still have her on fb. she has a boyfriend now , but it was that simple.

    • that's your problem dude, you focus to much on your failures, while you shouldn't. you are 17, and you can meet lots of new people, my younger brother met his girlfriend when he started shooting bow, he goes to the university now, made a lot of new friends there. high school sucks anyway, i have no friends left from high school, not that i care either. you are 17, 1 more year or so and you can go to college, focuss on that. so use what ever time you have , to work out on you !!! instead of figuring out why you had no luck so far.

  • Read the book 'Mate' by Geoffrey Miller and Tucker Max. I resently bought this book and it is awesome. The explain every aspect of dating, women and personal development in general through evolutionary biology. They offer a clear explanation of EVERYTHING that you've ever questioned about the subjects from a scientific point of view. Here's a link to a podcast about the book. ttp:/.../

    • Yeah, don't read this shit. OP just keep being yourself, this is just teaching you how to act.

  • I'm in the same situation but older. I do have social anxiety but I still talk to girls and have asked them out and join in conversations, I'm friendless and never had anyone say yes to a date.

    Some say it's my low confidence, but if you've been rejected for years and years by others wouldn't you start to have low confidence too? Nothing I do seems to be right and I've asked advice that works for others but it never works for me. Sigh 😔

    • Damn we are the same bro... I mean I can relate much to what you typed

    • @JustinX9

      What I learned but too late, was that in High School I should of stopped being afraid and tried to make friends and approach people more, try to talk to any girls that treated me like I existed or have approached me. If possible join a club you enjoy to meet others, it's worth a try. I never asked a girl to prom even though I liked so many, I should of tried and if no sucess mabye there are guys and girls with no dates that you all can go in a group and have fun together.

    • I would also like to add if your going to talk to people try to find subjects everyone can relate to. Movies, tv, music, cars, news, video games, listen what people around you talk about and if you hear something you know about try to jump in and add to the conversation.

  • You're *17*. I didn't go on any proper dates when I was 17. This is when you're meant to figure it all out.

    You list a bunch of vague issues that prevent you from going on dates right now. If that is indeed true and they're as bad as you say, wait until you're done with school and out in the real world, then you'll have plenty of opportunity to ask girls if they'd like to go out sometime.

    • But it's more than that mate. As I said in the post, my real frustration is that I haven't even received an indication of interest from a girl ever, not even platonic. Even the most *inexperienced* or *unsuccessful* people at my age have at least received some indications of interest, mixed signals, or have hung out with the opposite sex, and in many cases even had a few opportunities that they for whatever reason bypassed.

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    • Sure, quite a few may have not been on an actual date by 17, but that's easily excused by the fact that they've mostly still had flirtatious interactions and platonic friendships with the opposite sex in the past, many of which have even kissed or "fooled around some", etc.

    • I don't know what to tell you, apart from that making a big deal of this will likely radiate negative vibes to the females.

  • I don't know man, I had more than a few relationships but I never went to a date. As in just approach a girl I don't know really well and asking out. I just met people, and if there's a girl I got along well, took her digits, we met a few times and then it either became a relationship, or just a friendship.

    I don't understand the concept of asking a girl to a date and attempt to have a relationship. It makes me feel weird. It's better when it's a bit random.

    Be sociable, talk to girls easily, try to spend good time with them first and then if you get along weell with one, just ask her out.

    Seeking an oppurtinity for a date isn't serviceable.

  • Your 18 it's ok to not have any dating experience. You just got your licence, how did you think you would take a girl on a date without a car?

    But anyways, people ask this question in the sales world as well. "Why isn't anybody buying from me, but from such-and-such?" It's because you have to ask, you don't get the sale without asking, you don't get the date without asking.

    There are over 3.5 billion girls on this planet, and you need to get out into the world and talk with them in order to start moving towards a date. I dare you to ask every single one you meet to hang out. Not go on a date, but hang out. If you try to make dating more "magical" than it really is, you'll soon find out how everyone is talking about dating being "voluntary". It's basically the same as asking another dude to hang out, but it's weird because all these emotions are flowing through you that you can't seem to control.

    Don't be scared of who you were in the past, just be the BEAST that you are and know that the right person will like you for who you are.

    • Well actually I can't have any passengers in the car with me until I'm 18 according to the laws in my state and at the moment I'm 17.78 years old. But of course it's still a benefit.

      The problem is I don't have a good way of meeting girls. Again, high school is more or less out of the question. And I don't get any social exposure outside high school, mainly because I don't know how to. Again, I've lived an extremely sheltered life.

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    • "Nobody 'CAN'T' date, it's a choice someone makes."

      This is exactly the statement I'm objecting to because I've wanted to date for the past couple of years and look in the original post: I tried to in the past. This is exactly what people don't understand about my situation when they try to give advice, no matter how clear I try to make this. I mean this was the premise of my question.

      See my opinion comments in response to @slywinkle to see that even hanging out with my "homies" is something I can barely do.

      And remember this, I haven't even been able to have a female friend.

    • Plus even though I've already tried this to a notable extent, mindlessly going up to girls and asking them out or even asking them to "hang out" is just going to backfire even more socially.

  • To some degree i feel your frustration. In my experience so far, honestly the best places to meet people for me have been university parties. Its been fairly easy to relate to people and you kinda always have something to talk about, so gauging the other persons interest is fairly easy. I find that just getting a date is really rare these days though, but at those parties i have had success meeting people and eventually acquiring numbers for future meet ups.
    The notion of regular "dating" i think is very overstated, i dont know any other guy or even girl that goes on these regular dates.

  • You simply start setting times to meet up and chat... if she keeps wanting to meet up she will come that is when you spring the question..."hey are you busy this saturday? do you want to grab dinner?"

    • You're talking about technique which is helpful, but not to me at the moment because I don't even know how to go about meeting girls due to high school completely being out of the question or having a substantial social life (see opinion comments in response to other folks here).

      I've been extremely sheltered, and yet almost everyone is living a much more "active" life than I am. Again, I've not even had a curfew yet due to not needing one and I'm almost 18.

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    • I think that's why it's so frustrating. People act like somehow dating is something one actively chooses to do like "I am dating right now" and I've been wanting to but can't despite trying in the past.

      And I don't know how to meet people outside high school in the first place to get dates.

    • Well to meet someone outside of high school you must first be involved in the community. Start volunteering join clubs and activities. The go through the motions I said above.

  • Your mistake is over analyzing, simple as that. There is no advice to give other than to go out there and start.. blooming.

    • I am not over analyzing. I am explaining because no matter how elaborate I am, very few people tend to understand my situation. People start assuming things like I didn't try, I chose not to date, I received some interest, etc when all that is not true and I am making that clear. I took the initiative and tried putting myself out there. And I explained how so in my post.

      And that's what I don't know how to do. How do I so out there and start "blooming"? This is what's so frustrating. No one has an answer for my dilemma!

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    • Well your vocabulary is clearly superior to your average 17 year old, I had to actually use the dictionary :D

      Speaking of which, before you can laugh at others, you need to learn to laugh at yourself, which is important for building a rapport with your partner in cri.. I mean conversation.

      At any rate, what I can tell you for sure is the way you think about it is.. let's say, mis-guided. An example: "Of course, potential to hook up or even flirt with any of the girls there was completely out of the question"

      It should not be your objective to "flirt and hook up" with the girls.

      Just as you would speak with anyone, do you consciously remind yourself of the reasons you engage in conversation?

      As for the anecdote on your expense, what did you expect the girls to say?

    • Thank you.

      I understand that and of course I wasn't trying to. It was just a setting where many were mingling with each other and hooking up and the topic came up naturally. Although you're right in your rhetorical question, "What did you expect girls to say?" it does imply that the people who were asking them in the first place were putting me in a position of ridicule then. Listen, even if it was in fun, I wouldn't know because I've been made fun of so much over the years in grade school.

      Although I will say, part of the reason I wasn't able to have any fun at the concerts was because that's not really my type of thing, so naturally I didn't really have much potential to connect with anyone there or be socially adept for that type of environment. I should definitely look for social life elsewhere in an environment where I am more likely to connect with people.

  • At 17 you should spend your time hitting the gym to boost your confidence and looks, learn how to make money and be street smart. After a few years of building yourself the women will come to you.

  • > be good looking
    > online dating = heavily saturated market = be ready to drop your standards VERY low

    • I was open to dating around 70% of the girls online. But I don't want to do online for the very reason you just mentioned. Men's value there is significantly deflated.

    • average girls there can easily get few hundred of messages in short time, let alone above average. basically only exceptionally good looking guys make it into 1st selection, others can have leftovers. and also, online dating is actually just a hook up fest and it was girls who told me this.

    • seriously man, online dating = hypergamy to the max.

  • HS sucks. Suck it up til you can get out.

  • It doesn't matter, dude. Really, just stop stressing over it.

    • This exact response is what I'm tired of hearing from unhelpful people like yourself.

      No upvote for you.

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    • I'm not saying the lack of relationship or sex is causing that stuff. I'm saying worrying about it is. You said yourself you stayed up for 30+ hours because this question is stressing you out.

      I empathise with you. I used to be really depressed over how girls didn't like me and how I couldn't talk to them (still kind of am but I'm worried about it a lot less). The thing is you can but your view of them is wrong. Instead of seeing them as "potential romantic partners", look at them like potential friends. Like you would any guy. Girls can sense when you have ulterior motives. Try to imagine that your motive of wanting a romantic partner stinks to high heaven and only girls will smell it. Your motives stink is exacerbated by desperation. That's why y*

      I know you see yourself as far too inexperienced for this type of stuff. But that belief will just make it worse. Maybe the best move for you would be to see a decent therapist. I'm too ill-equipped to convince you that it doesn't matter

    • Ran out of space for the first paragraph

      That's why y*ou're unsuccessful with girls.

  • School, go out (except you're not 21), online...

  • Take a chance and complement a girl that you like.

    • Did you even read the question? Because I made it quite clear that I took the initiative many times and did that a lot in the past.

    • Nope did not read it. You boobs know what to do so go do it. Why ask us about it for our permission?

    • Because I don't know.

  • Get a Hooker

  • people say its a number game so fuck it go mental and ask tons you will get rejected you learn i don't know said this but failure will help success says the expert himself having a date every night (sarcasm) im in the same boat as you bro but i use to go to underage discos asking girls will they kiss me usually getting around 7 for ever 10 i ask sound creepy but that how we done it and the kids before us it seamed more of a game than anything else at the start i just done it cause the other lads done but when i started i enjoyed it sorry if this is over the place

  • Why are you 17 and using Tinder... You could get a potential woman arrested if you have sex with her.

    • I have the range narrowed to 15-17, and the age of consent in my state is 16 with very lenient close-in-age exceptions even below that.

    • Tinder age range is 18+

    • Nah, it goes as low as 13 if you're under 18. Look it up. It only shows as young as 18 if you yourself are 18 or older.

  • When you stop, lol, girls can smell desparation. let them come to you

    • They always say that guys have to pursue and again, people always say in general to put yourself out there and imply that dating is a voluntary choice people make.

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    • Then in what sense?

      My question was one of literal sense...

    • Shouldn't have to be

  • I was the same way as you, but now I can pretty much get a new date about twice a month. I used to think I put myself out there enough and/or tried hard enough and/or was good at finding the signs, but I now know that I wasn't, not even close lol.

    I probably end up asking about 20 girls a week out, which equates to about one date for every 40 women. That's a lot of women to get turned down by. I used to think asking a girl out once a week was a lot haha. To be fair, some of the women I do go on dates with I'm not that interested in, but do it to see if maybe there is a spark and to also get date experience, the more dates I get the smoother I get so when I do get a date with girls I'm super interested in, I'm not super nervous and do well. You're still fairly young so it's going to be harder for you to get dates at your age. Most of the dating happens in your 20's. Also most of the women I ask out are from online dating, but I still very regulalry ask out girls I meet in public as well. Your success rate of getting a date from a girl you met in public is wayyy higher than online dating.

    • Also, I wanted to date and was doing everything I could to get one (obviously it wasn't enough). I didn't get my first date until I was 24, but as soon as I got that first date (which went terribly btw) the gates opened and I suddenly knew how to get them and it just became sort of easy.

    • Well then according to you, I have barely tried and maybe I have, but I was just basing my anecdote off of seeing that I don't really see people asking out at all, yet at the very minimum almost everyone at least has opposite sex friends or receives a some indication of interest even if they don't act on it for whatever reason. That's what I'm most concerned about.

      What I was trying to say is that there are a tiny amount of people who're also in the same position as me but even some of them are in a better position as a lot of them haven't even tried once yet, or cared, whereas I've wanted to and the fact that I haven't been able to makes me look like a "loser", according to College Confidential:

      See, even of the most tact responses in that thread, it's usually addressing those who "simply haven't wanted to" and still implying that those who have wanted to but couldn't are losers.

    • Dude, who cares about other people and what they do. Don't compare yourself to others, instead concentrate on yourself and how to grow as a person to accomplish what you want out. Some people have it easier and some people don't. All you can do is keep trying and concentrate on succeeding, it's only when you stop trying that you fail and are a loser. Nothing worth having comes easy, it takes dedication and hard work. I know that goes against what I said before, about it becoming "easy", you have to understand that in order to get to the point of where I am today being happy with my love life, I had to fail hundreds of hundreds of times and get discouraged countless times. There were times where I was completely fed up and gave up, but I continued on. Just do your thing and concentrate on attaining your goal and eventually you'll get there.

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