New Relationship: Is he too controlling or obsessive? Or am I overreacting?

Hi, So I feel like an idiot for writing this, but I grew up in a domestic violence family, and I am a bit paranoid. So I met this guy, he is in the navy and goes away for months at a time. And at first, it was all good, we were getting to know each other whenever he was back on land, and I started to develop feelings for him quick, but I never acted on it. But just a week ago, he has returned home for solid couple of weeks and we have started texting more. As time went on though, I felt that he was constantly on his phone waiting for texts, I live in Australia and he is in the US but he somehow is awake every second of the day, I am not that great at texting people back, so hours go by when I don't respond, but when I do, he sees it in seconds and responds instantly. This also happens when I know for a fact that its like 3am or 5am where he is at. I also decided to swap instagram/ facebook details, and he has liked over 100+ photos of me going back to 2011, as if he slowly went up my timeline and liked everything. When I don't respond to him he holds things over me, for instance, if I don't reply for 3 hours and say sorry for the late response, he tells me that its okay but I owe him one phone call for that. And he tallies it all as he goes, 1 phone call turns into 6 phone calls because I took too long to respond. He has now started calling me 'my elle' which was cute at first but with everything going on it just makes me more anxious. I know I may be paranoid, but I don't have much experience with me, and the usual 'getting to know you' questions have turned into him trying to get deeper and deeper into my mind and life and I am a really private person and am not too good at sharing shit. I have grown up with an extremely controlling father who used to be so possessive and I just wanted some advice from you guys on how to deal with this situation, or just let me know if I am being paranoid haha. Thanks! Elle


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  • I'm sorry to say but he sounds like quite a controlling man! After doing a lot of research on domestic violence and bringing awareness to it I've learned how to pick the narcissists out and I really think you should be careful! Please stay safe x

    • Thank you! I am trying to distance myself, but it doesn't seem to be working. He just send me more and more messages to get my attention. And I am not good at letting people down, my personality isn't cut out for that haha.

    • My mum was in a similar situation (just going by what you've said) and she was too nice to tell him to just back off an he ended up becoming a full blown stalker and sending some very threatening messages. It was scary.
      I'm not saying that'll happen to you at all but I'm just saying be careful because people are unpredictable. You live in Australia as well that's awesome but here's a domestic violence hotline (I totally understand you're not in that situation but they might be able to lend some advice if you ever need it.)
      You might already have it but just in case :)

    • Ok, thank you! I just know before everything got too fast he said he was going to take some time off at his next stop and buy a ticket to come to Australia and he also asked for my home address to send a present for my birthday. So I am super paranoid about that right now. But I will definitely be firmer with drawing the line if he doesn't back off. Thanks x