My boyfriend randomly starts ignoring me?

We have been together nearly five years now and he has always been like this. I work four ten hour days a week and during that time of the week he will go distant. He only becomes really distant on the day before I have three days off. He will read my messages and not reply to them. And when he does reply, he's very short worded. For example; if I say something, even if it isn't funny, he will reply with (mostly) "lol". He is currently unemployed due to his job going out of business and to top it off, his vehicle bit the dust so he can't go anywhere. However, due to my job paying really well, I have more than enough money to pay for all of our bills myself. So we are not financially struggling, if this means anything.
Also, for the people quick to assume he's cheating (I know I will get a few of you), he installed a home security system and had cameras put up everywhere due to our home being broken into last year, so I know for a fact he isn't cheating. He never leaves and no one ever stops by. I've checked the cameras already. When I ask him why he's distant he will reply with "Just tired." Or "Phones been dead and on the charger", even though the cameras clearly say otherwise. He isn't on his phone but he has it right beside him at all times and will look at it whenever I send him a message. Its just that he rarely replies.
Now when we are together he is fine. He's happy and laughing and joking around with me. He's constantly talking about our future together and how he appreciates everything I am doing for us. He's very open about what he's feeling so I'm sure he's not holding back anything.
Maybe I'm overreacting? I know everyone needs their space from time to time but I mean, he's home alone all day for four days out of the week?


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What Guys Said 1

  • If I were in his situation, I would be pissed off. I had a job and a car; and I happily lived with my girl. Now I lost my job, and it wasn't my fault; my car is broken; and my girl is effectively taking care of me.

    He's probably down on himself, in general. I think you're seeing the fallout from his emotions via his withdrawal. None of his behavior sounds like your fault.

    • Do you think there's anything I can do about it? I hate seeing him like this. And obviously, where its human nature, I start to fear that it is because of something I have done. I just want to help him come out of this.

    • I see no reason why he would be angry with you. In fact, you're probably a force that's holding him together right now. Let him know that you're unambiguously down for him. Support and encourage him in his endeavors to improve his situation. Since his emotions aren't premised on something you did/didn't do, he needs to take care of them independently of you. All you can do is make sure that he takes care of them in the best, and most expedient, way possible. Here's an analogy: when you get sick, you're immune system cures you, but some medicine helps; you're the medicine.

    • This was very insightful. Thank you for shedding some light on this situation for me!

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