How to Handle Money Inside of relationships?

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a month, I am very progressive in my stance. I don't allow the guy to pay every time, I had to make him let me pay and we talked about it, He felt obligated because of social norms so I decided to treat him as well, it makes me feel like i'm an equal partner. That said, I make MUCH less than my boyfriend and on top of that I have no insurance and Two kids I am trying to support, I have vented that fear to him recently.

I know it's not fair to expect him to pay all the time, but iv'e been buying food more often than he does for the two of us because that is just my nurturing instinct.

The problem I am facing is that I feel like he's gotten use to that so he expects me to have dinner bought or made for him now, like if I come over and i'm like what should we get, he says whatever you want and makes no attempt to help decide or pay.

He treats me like gold, and is always supportive, but in this one particular area I am starting to feel taken advantage of.
I like taking care of him and making sure he's fed, but I want him to feel the same for me. it's a lot of financial pressure to take on.

Yesterday-I had a really bad day, his solution was snuggling and making me feel safe, that is great! But still no attempt to take me out and make me feel cared for. He wanted me to handle getting food even that day. It's like it doesn't occur to him anymore or something. I don't want to get resentful but I am starting to.

How do I handle this?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You have to talk to him about it. You have to tell him that you still need support when it comes to food and that you don't always want to be the one to make the food. That you want to feel like someone will take care of you when you are having a bad day. That even though you are willing to take care of people that you still need someone to take care of you too. And although you wanted to help pay for things in the beginning that you can't pay for everything. That you need help from time to time.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Talk to him! If you couldn't handle doing the shopping, ask him to do it.

    You know the only answer is to speak to him yourself and express your concerns.

    • That is true, I just don't want to come off as ungrateful or like I want his MONEY... How do I approach it gently?

    • Show All
    • Thanks for the mho :)

      Hope things work out.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • You should be honest with him and tell him that you need some money to buy groceries since you are buying for him too.

  • When it comes to 'dating', I'd suggest whoever asks pays, and if you earn less, you invite on less expensive dates, and that's fine.

    But you're sliding into 'relationship with shared expenses' territory.

    Gonna have to bring it up if he's eating there more than weekly, and not taking you out a n equivalent (roughly) amount. Maybe you just need to go grocery shopping together, talk about what to make, and he picks up the bill sometimes.

    Yeah, its awkward, but if this relationship is worth keeping, it will go okay.


What Girls Said 1

  • i know that feeling, its awful... i had to pay for a date once and it felt awkward but at the same time its like uhhh its 2015 were all equal... and next date he paid for everything and we didn't talk about it... i think u should talk to him since he's not getting the hint or send a text message so its not in person (more awkward) be like hey hun i know were meeting tonight where are u treating me to dinner? let him get the hint with 'treating me'