Is it ok to ask a date for feedback?

I am an attractive, smart, independent, fairly successful woman. I have been actively dating for the past 7 months now. I don't have too much trouble getting dates. Most of them are from online though. Where I live, it's hard for me to meet like-minded people otherwise.

I have started to notice a pattern with my dates though. Often the communication before the date is fine, nothing too spectacular, just some texting back and forth. This leads to the first date. This leads to the first date. Sometimes I don't see a future, in which case I tell the guy straight after in a nice way.

But other times, it goes really well. The conversation flows, we laugh, joke, share ideas. The guy even shows an obvious physical interest in me. But it doesn't go beyond that. Sometimes it leads to a second or third date. But then he just fades off for no apparent reason. All this time I am thinking everything is going great...

So I am really confused about what I am doing wrong here. And I was thinking the best way to find out was to ask them. So I propose to call up each of these guys and have a chat with them. Tell them I understand you they are not interested and that is fine, but I would really appreciate if they could share what turned them off. The intention is just to improve myself for future dates...

What do you think? Would the guys give me honest feedback?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You don't need to improve. The first dates I view as interviews. You're interview in him and he you. It just taking these guys more than one date to make up their minds. You'll land the right one

    • But I am worried I am giving some sort of bad vibes. I have been racking my brains on this. I wonder if I have been coming off an uninterested or too clingy or too choosy... Or if there is something in my physical appearance I need to work on.

    • Show All
    • Wow. Do you mind if I messaged you?

    • I don't mind

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