Is my boyfriend taking this too far?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. We've been through it all. He was my first everything and he's very special to me. I'm 14 and he's 16. (I know we are young) I could write a novel about the things I adore of him, but I'm starting to question the bad. He doesn't like me wearing makeup at all. I used to at the beginning of the relationship, not now. I'm fine with it though, as I'm comfortable in my own skin. But.. he's starting to not like simple things. He has recently been telling me to change because my jeans are "too tight" and guys will look at my you-know-what. I only own skinny jeans though. I try to keep covered. He hates shirts that go below my collar bones. If I wear v-cut shirts he gets SO mad and breaks up with me calling me a slut. I don't wear dresses either because he thinks they're whorish. I don't have very big boobs or butt, and I'm not showing off anything. I'm rather shy and reserved. He calls me a slut and whore daily. He doesn't like me having guy friends, he deleted all the guys off my Facebook and phone. I don't have his Fb password and I don't go through his phone. I would never cheat on him. He has cheated on me so many times.. Yet he doesn't trust me. It eats me alive, I feel like I'm not good enough. Why does he keep doing this to me? It's like when he does something I don't like, I think "I can't believe he did that" but if I do something he doesn't like, it's "I won't tolerate that", but I've never done anything to jeopardize our relationship. I don't want to break up with him, It's really hard for me.. My parents are divorcing, I'm struggling with anxiety and depression, and medical problems we don't have the money for.. I don't have anyone else and he's never failed to show me love and care but what should I do? He makes me sad but so happy.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You are 14 but your profile says you are 25.

    • Not sure how to change it! I just used the date for my email when I had set it up years ago.

Most Helpful Girl

  • First no man except your father should tell you how to dress and nobody should EVER call you a slut. His behavior is coming from insecurity. He doesn't want you wearing makeup or clothes that catch other guys' attention. He also doesn't want you having guy friends. Yep... it's insecurity. The name calling is the start of him breaking you down emotionally. Please don't feel like you're not good enough for him because in his mind it's the opposite.. trust me.

    This type of behavior is emotional abuse and reminds me of my last relationship. Once he got comfortable with you he started acting controlling. First it's what you wear, to getting rid of your friends, to breaking you down so you think you can't do better than him. I know you love this guy, but this type of behavior rarely changes and usually gets worse. I spent two years on and off with someone like this and trust me guys like this do not change. Please do not make the same mistake I did and stay with someone like this. Like you, I felt I had nobody else and stayed with him. That is their plan. Reach out to friends so you don't feel alone. Reach out to those guy friends he deleted and explain the situation. You deserve someone who will lift you up, not down. Someone who trusts you and makes you feel special. You say he never shows that he cares for you so what are you getting out of this relationship? You deserve BETTER! You will find someone else. You will be okay.

    • Thank you so much for this. I've read it over and over to reassure myself, and honestly this is the most calming thing that I have been told. I do indeed love him very much but he's not showing signs of changing and he's not getting any better.. I know it's time to walk away. I'm going to get the courage to do so, even if it tears me down more. I just wish he would've turned out differently.. But I accept it for how it is and your words are soothing and help me understand. Thank you once again. ❤️

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • I would think he is the main reason for your anxiety. I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to pick out your own clothes throw a bit of lipstick on and be free from negativity and abuse. Yes honey he is mentally abusing and torturing you. Out of all the guys on your fb or phone it's him that should have been blocked. He's cheating on you, humiliating you how can you not think maybe I deserve real love. You're only a kid yourself be a kid not a beaten down married woman with no options. Take your life back

    • Thank you for your honesty. I understand what you mean, and it would be nice to feel relaxed for once. To feel happy about change. I've been in this sad place for so long now I'm not sure how to even get out, but I'll find a way. I hope the next gal he's with doesn't have to go through the heartbreak so many times. I will get my life back. Thank you. This helped me.