Don't know what to do anymore, cheating?

Boyfriend & I have been dating almost 4 years and were high school sweethearts. I've recently found out that sometimes in our relationship he would be flirting and being sexual with other women on apps/internet. Never meeting & never staying in touch very long with any one girl.

I found out & he came clean, told me everything he could remember & since then (it's been 4 months since finding out) he's done everything right to prove to me I'm the only one for him & become a better man. However I'm having trouble living in the past & some of these girls are trying to worm their way back into his life (internet wise) & although he ignores them it takes a toll on me to see the extent of what he's done when I'm trying to put the past behind us & work on us.

They "never meant anything to him" & he says everything that's happened between us has been genuine and real and that he loves me & wants a future together & realizes what he has done. He never saw them as anything other than just people to talk to when he was bored or to distract him from his home life (it's not very great). In some ways I believe because through it all I'm still the one he wants for real at the end of the day that he's working toward a future with - like I said he's showing progress and has not done anything in the 4 months it has been since I found out & we had a serious talk.

If he's really truly remorseful and working on us/him, I want to be with him. But I can't seem to shake the feeling of what happened. Everytime he compliments me now, etc I wonder why he ever needed anyone else on the side if I'm so great. Others have been able to do it & move on with the significant other happily, how do I separate our relationship from what happened, then from now, without throwing away our past memories together that were great?

Physical cheating is easy answer - bye.
Random online? Blurred lines :/


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What Guys Said 1

  • Take a break from the relationship. Tell him you want 2-3 months of no communication. Meet up at the end and see how you feel about him and everything. Also find out if he went back to his ways or stayed true to you.

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What Girls Said 2

  • So I've been through something like this... when my husband and I first started dating there was some overlap with his ex girlfriend (they were on and off for the last year of their relationship, but she believed they were getting back together unbeknownst to me) and another two girls around 6 months later. It was never physical, just the same kind of thing as yours but it completely destroyed everything for me. My confidence, self worth, trust, faith in him - everything.
    It took a long time (and therapy for me) to get over it. He did everything right, he showed he was remorseful, he was forthright about everything he did, who he was talking to and was a model boyfriend but I couldn't get passed those thoughts or the paranoia it would happen again.
    My therapist eventually just found the right words for me, forgiveness is a choice. If he was doing everything right it was up to me if I was willing to put in the same effort as he was to believe that he was being truthful. Sure there were a few extra things I asked him to do to alleviate my worries but he did them with no hesitation so I owed him the same type of effort he was putting in.
    But it was a choice. I made a list of things I could see him doing and his good points every time I started to lose faith or had a moment of panic and eventually the bad things fell away. That was 8 years ago now and I've never had a moment of doubt for probably 7 of them, our communication methods from that time evolved into an amazing marriage because we can be open about insecurities or moments of weakness before they escalate.
    So, I completely empathise with the choice you need to make - it's SO hard but it gets to the point where you're either in, or you're out and there is nothing at all wrong with either choice Hun. Just what you can deal with at the end of it

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  • cheating is cheating i would never forgive

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