Girl I am dating is acting very distant, cold, and uninterested due to family member that sick and dying. What should I do?

I been talking to this girl for over a quarter of a year. Well everything was going good, (Even though we have had a hard time getting on dates due to her busy schedule). Well as soon as she found this person signed DNR, she shut down to me acting very distant and cold. Not messaging me anymore, and when I messaged her she would answer for a bit, then ignore me.

This went on for a week, until I asked what was up. She said started working full time as well, and that thing are pretty messed up in her head. Then she said she likes me a lot, but just wants to be friends. So I figured it was over, told her to say in touch and didn’t talk to her again.

Well a few weeks later after no contact, she starts talking to me again asking how I was. She told me she had her up and downs. Then asked what I was up to, which I said I treated myself out to a movie and a dinner. Which she asked why I didn’t ask her. We talked for a few weeks, but it just didn’t seem the same.

I was starting all the conversations and leading them. (But the last one before she started getting distant again, she blew my phone up that night, then the next day she ignored me) She wouldn’t ask me how my day went or any questions. Any time I hinted her up to do something to get to know each other better she seem to ignore it, but not responding to it. Until I changed the subject.

Now she acting the same as before distant and cold, but responding most of the time, it doesn't last long though because she doesn't keep it going. That family member is in the hospital now and doesn’t sound that great. I been trying to support her and say I am here for her, but all I get is a thank you.

Should I just let her be and not keep messaging her every few days, and just wait? Like send I message saying that, I hope your grandfather is doing well and I am always here if you need anything. Talk for a bit if she replies and tell her not to be a stranger or text me sometime. I just don't know.
I don't want to give up on her. I think she is interest, the way she keeps coming back. I just have a good feeling about her. I been keeping my options open and still talking to other people, just they don't grab my interest like this girl. Do you think she even likes me? Just messaging to be nice.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Instead of messaging, maybe sending flowers? Constant messaging might seem annoying, and she may want to be alone. Losing someone is rough. She may be in a dark and gloomy place right now. If it was me, a simple gesture like going into an office or going home and seeing some pretty flowers would cheer me up instead of seeing a lot of unread messages. Just give her some space right now. People deal with things differently.

    • I don't over message her, I text her once every day or two days. if she doesn't respond I usually wait a few days to text again. Then if she doesn't respond then I text a week later one last time.

      I would love do that but I haven't been to either place and She lives at home with family. So I don't feel right showing up there, I would feel like a stalker. It has been over a month since I last saw her, with the the way she got distant and uninterested. she hasn't given me much of a chance to get to know her.

    • Show All
    • Yeah i don't have her address, so I am shit out of luck. About all I can do send a supportive message and give her space. Wait for her to come to me, if it ever happens. Which will Most likely not happen. I have just felt like I am nuisance to her. It seems like she could careless if we talked. She has said she likes talking to me quite a few times. But the last time was few week ago. The way she has been acting though this tough time with the ignoring/blowing me off, the lack of effort on her end. I know there is a lot going on for her, I just don't get why she won't be honest with me about things. Like if she needs space, her feeling towards me. It just makes me think Really think she doesn't think I am worth keeping around or care any about me or if even likes me. I feel like I am just some random person to her. It sucks we have talked for close to 5 months.

    • She's not in the phonebook?

      Well, I hope everything works out for you! It sounds like you really care about her.

      She is probably really stressed like you said if her family member is sick and she has ton of work. She must have a lot on her mind right now. Everything will work out as it should, give it time : )

Most Helpful Guy

  • She's running hot and cold.

    Do you really want to deal with this now and later if she decides on a relationship (which I strongly doubt will happen)?

    She's using you; if you can't see that then I'm wasting my time here.

    • Maybe so, she just pulled a 180 on me with what is happening with her family member. Plus work is treating her badly, making her work long hours and random days. What she told me, I would have quit, But she can't because she can barely pay her bills. Before this she was asking me out on dates and talking to me every day. then when all this happened she changed and got very unhappy and depressed.
      I am still taking to other people, I just don't want to give up on her with everything going on in her life. Plus I thinking I could use a break from dating, it has been to disappointing, I have been treated like shit by everyone I dated this year.

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion, but you can still contribute by sharing an opinion!

What Guys Said 3

  • I think the problem is your talking too much to a grieving person. Some people shutdown when depressed and, don't talk to anybody. I would say get her by herself and hold her and cuddle her. Talk to her but don't push it. Sometimes sitting in silence is best.

  • be there for her... give her what she needs whatever it is

    • I am trying to be, she just doesn't open up to me about it. She always has keep her problems to herself. Letting me know she has them, is all she will tell me. Though I pretty sure low self esteem and confidence. She is very unhappy and stress with work too, they treat her like crap were she works.

    • just let her know you are here for her and when she is ready to talk to you that you are there for her.
      let her come to you... sometimes all anyone needs is to know you are willing to listen and it may take her some time before she is ready to talk about it.. and its not because of you it is just some some people are

  • Give her some space. She'll be okay, she just needs time.


Recommended myTakes