Wanting to meet a guy but im fat?

I met this guy online 3 weeks back and he is perfect in every way. Very caring and not a douche. he's been through a lot in life and has crazy exs. We talk on the phone EVERY night and text daily. Spend hours talking. But he doesn't know im fat. I have pictures and send him them every now and then but just of my face, we have video chatted and he's seen me but still just my face. He wants to meet but i keep making up excuses. Im insecure about my weight. He doesn't live far from me at all either. Were going to meet eventually because he's going to the same school as me soon. I just dont know what to do. How do i tell him? He tries to get flirty with me but i dont back and he compliments me. But i dont let him know how i fee' because if he knows how much i really like him then itd be an awkward rejection. He tells me all the time he really likes me and thinks im cute and loves my personality. He is tall and slim and cute!!! And im short and fat :(. Like i believe yeah im pretty when i want to be but I want to hint to him im fat u know. The closest I've said is tha{ i have pcos wich makes me gain and lose wieght all the time and im getting surgery to help my lose weight for it. But i dont think he understood that hint. He thinks im tiny everywhere. he's told me before that he doesn't care about looks but i mean every guy does.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Surgery to lose weight! Why u won't eat less and move more?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You need to let him know before you guys meet so that there are no surprises.

    I know it's an awkward conversation to have, but you just have to be strong, honest and hope for the best. Get all dolled up and take a non-misleading photo of your body. You want him to like you for you, right? Then this is what you have to do, because attraction is important, as is honesty.

    Since you guys have developed a pretty strong bond, there is a good chance that he'll appreciate your honesty and not really care. If things do happen to go south, then at least you can free yourself from the burden of hiding your true self (physically-speaking).


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 7

  • I know exactly where you are coming from and how you are feeling... I too am a very large woman! The reality of your situation is that you just need to come out and tell him... and sooner the better. If he is the right one for you, then he won't care. If he is caught up on a certain type of image, then that is his problem. Tell him, he may surprise you...

  • First of all some guys actually like chubby girls. It turns them on. I don't understand it, but it does.

    Secondly, a lot of guys really do like your personality. Even if they're not thrilled with how you look at the moment, they still love who you are as a person, so they're willing to stay with you knowing that you're working on it. Maybe you could say to him, "Look I want to get in better shape and you seem really fit. Could you give me some tips?"

    Guys aren't stupid. They know that if you're only sending headshots you're probably overweight. I would venture to say that if this is what's been going on he probably has already guessed. I would also venture to say that it's possible the photos he's sending you are old pictures and he could be overweight too. Just something to think about. Guys online are notorious for that.

    In any case we're always much harder on ourselves then other people are. We want to forestall any potential pain so we go out of our way to push people away before they have a chance to get really close. Please don't do that.

    I would also venture to say that what you consider "fat" is probably nowhere near my weight at middle age. I'm 185 pounds and I'm horrified. I didn't even weigh this much when I was 9 months pregnant! I have a feeling that you're probably 40 or 50 pounds lighter than me. I really wouldn't worry about it too much. I wish I was still as "fat" as I was when I hated ny body at your age. Like, I think I was 110.

    Especially don't put yourself down by accepting that MHG's ugly comment. ((Hug))

    • Oh, and if he has a lot of crazy exes that may be why he appreciates you so much if your normal. Lol.

      But, I've also noticed that people who have a lot of drama in the past, tend to continue to attract it if they have worked through whatever the issues were before. But just be careful and keep your eyes open for signals as to WHY this guy seems to end up in bad relationships.

    • "haven't worked through"

  • YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER LIED! Some guys are senstive about weight! Some guys are picking about this shit! I KNOW i know its shallow! You should have told him before so he knew what he was getting into. Not your going to have to face either reject or he will decrease talking to you. My advice is to tell him! If he still want you than great but most guys don't like to be lied to. I wouldn't want to be lied to! Now go right now and tell him before more time pass by and you hurt yourself!

    • Did she say that she lied about her weight because I missed that part apparently.

    • Show All
    • She never said she lied. She just sent headshots rather than a full body photo. Jeez.

    • @Punkin45 Oh well It should have been made clear. haha! I can't hide my weight if I am about to meet someone in person! It something I can't hide. lol

  • I think it's in your best convenience to let him know how you look from your entire body. If he feels just the same way you do, and feels like you and him have formed a strong emotional bond then chances are he will be taken a little back, but his feeling for you as a person would be greater. Now, if you have a feeling that he's very apearence-driven in terms of relationships then chances are he might stop talking to you. Just get rid of the burden, and just send him a full body pic because i'm sure he's wondering how you look like entirely as well.

  • This is a sticky one... you have 2 options here.

    1. Accept who you are, learn to love yourself the way you are. And be honest with him, if he doesn't like you being big then he's not for you. Your deceiving him and if he doesn't like larger girls then ge will pi#$ed off when you do tell him. Be honest sooner rather than latee.

    2. If you've met online then you have time to lose weight. How much weight you talking? Like what size are you?
    How quickly you lose weight is also a factor. But I'd say if this is your choice to lose the weight then do it for yourself. Not to please someone else..

    I'm also a weight management fanatic with a previous eating disorder. Wants some tips on how to lose weight quickly and be health just ask...
    But also love yourself the way you are now, in the futyre. You are valuable no matter how you look sweetie x x

  • I know what you mean, I just bite the bullet now and say "I'm fat" and make sure they know it before they meet me, half the time they don't believe me because my face doesn't come across as that I have a lot of weight on, I'm not obese but I'm not chubby and I try to dress for my size. I just find it easier to say via the internet that "I'm fat so I don't know if that's an issue or not" I've even given my size before too, but I don't think to a guy it means much not a lot are very up with clothing sizes lol

    • Actually, saying that you're fat is insulting yourself and it could make a woman look like she has self-esteem problems. I know guys who say that they hate it when women call themselves fat. It's a real turn-off.

    • @Punkin45 fair enough, can't win either way I guess hey? Try to be honest and you get made to look like you have self esteem issues, say nothing at all and they guy is pissed you don't look like your photo.. can't win really.

    • I think you just put honest photos up ad's let the guys decide.

  • If he really likes you for your personality and he's not a douche he will not care about your weight you shouldn't be insecure about your weight your beautiful inside and out even if you don't think so. Just tell him straight forward guys hate when you lie to them so just say that your insecure and he won't care a bit.

    • Actually, saying that you're fat is actually insulting yourself and it could make her look like she has self-esteem problems. I know guys who say that they hate it when women call themselves fat. It's a real turn-off.

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