Kinda confused! I spent time with my crush tonight & he wasn't what I thought he would be like... Should I continue to give him another shot?

We go to college together. Since the first time I laid eyes on him, I just couldn't turn away.. Weeks passed and I would see him and just desire to talk to him so badly. I built him up so much in my head.. He "mirrored" me, he was "exactly the guy I can see myself with," "perfect," etc... And we spent time together a couple weeks ago and then again tonight. And, our personalities click well and it's seamless.. Like we know what to say back to each other and we seem on the same "wave" if that makes sense. We make each other laugh. And I think he's hella cute, and I know he thinks I am too.

however.. I'm a huge introverted loner, I mix with other crowds that are "misfits" more or less and I like being around those who have tasted life for what it is... i have a thing for eccentricity.. Head in the sky but grounded kind of people. Artistic souls. Anyways, he is some of these things.. But he's SO sociable (I'm sure he talks to so many people so the time he and I have is less valuable to him than me since I never hang out with anyone); he is charismatic; respectful & knows who to fill a conversation.. And I'm used to men who aren't that nice, who don't try to talk in such an animated way, and who make it apparent they desire me sexually straight from the beginning. He's so nice and respectful, and sociable... And he has his head on straight.. I'm just not used to it. I was hoping for a kiss at the door but didn't get anything..

He mentioned we should have dinner this week right before he left & I agreed. I'm praying we will become something so badly... But I'm afraid I built him up to be someone he's not (which I have done with every guy before).

What do I do? Why do I feel so "off"?


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What Guys Said 2

  • Are you feeling that he is "too good" for you?

    • Kinda... Yeah a lot. Like why would he be into me other than that I have a pretty face

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    • Spot on with the "I don't deserve this".. It's like I feel guilty for having someone I actually can see myself liking a lot, or who will treat me well. I don't know why. Do you? I kinda don't mind the getting hurt part because it seems to always happen.. With every guy even if I leave them.. I'm always the sensitive one who remembers too much and hopes for too much.

    • I suspect that low self-esteem and your upbringing combine to produce the guilt. Sometimes, folks in similar circumstances develop a heightened sense of their own sensitivity and perceptiveness to explain their' feelings of sadness and guilt, but that is not really true. Others are perceptive and sensitive, too, including your friend; maybe he has looked inside of you and seen something that gets him excited.

  • Expectations are a huge thing in human nature. We build things that we want to see be true. You can't judge a book by it's cover as cliche as that is it's the truth. Go on the next date, this time with no expectations others then that he is going to be himself. Remember you're still learning about each other. If you still feel off after sometimes it's a red flag.


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