In a relationship, but can't let go of my ex?

I've been dating a guy for over a month now and I still don't know if I love him. I know it seems early to tell, but with my ex, I knew immediately. It was like being in the most amazing relationship. But then schooling got in the way. He moved away and we lasted another 8 months before he said he couldn't do long distance, that he needed someone to be there physically with him. It break my heart. We cried for over an hour on Skype together. It was a hard break up on both of us. But I used the next few months to recuperate and find myself. Then I moved to a different city for schooling. I met this new guy, started a relationship. But I never stopped thinking about my ex. I miss him to the point where some times I just break down and cry. My current boyfriend doesn't know this. A part of me wants this to work out, to finally move and be with someone new. But at the same time, a part of me still wants to be with my ex. My ex texted a few weeks back, saying he missed me and I told him I missed him too, but I'm in a new relationship now and this guy makes me happy. He was happy that I was happy but I later found out he had then removed me off of all social media (not because he is angry, I think it just really broke his heart). I wish I would have found out if maybe he wanted to get back together. I feel I need to see him one last time. To either figure out if maybe we are meant to be, or if I can let go knowing we really aren't and I can focus on this new relationship. However I don't know if I contacted him what I would say or how I would bring up a meeting or if he'd even respond. To be clear, both of these guys are really great and wonderful. This new guy does know about my past relationship, he knows that my ex texted me wanted me back, and he knows how long we dated and why we broke up. I don't feel the same connection I did with my ex, we were just wide open and could each other anything. I don't feel that with this guy. Some days I feel I should break up with him, but other days he's just so fun to be around and he's so caring and sweet. I don't want to leave him for something that would never happen anyway, but I want to stay in a relationship that will only get more serious only for me to say I'm not in love. But at the same time we haven't been dating long, I don't want to make any rash decisions and lose a great relationship.


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What Guys Said 1

  • It's not going to get easier the more time goes on. Matters of the heart don't simply go away. You're mind and heart are still hurting, that's obvious, and all the thinking you are doing is progressively going to make things worse and ultimately make you drift apart from your current boyfriend. Which is really not fair to him at all. It looks to me that you're leaving the door cracked open, within yourself, to your ex. That's not closure, that's not moving on. in my opinion, you need closure because it appears you don't believe you have it. You should be comfortable enough to contact your ex to converse with him and ask him if he's still got feelings for you. If he says no, which he probably will out of respect and for the situation, respond by saying you don't know if you could say the same. If you open yourself up to him like that and he still brushes you off, it should be your clue to move on. But if he begins to open himself back up to you, then you know his feelings are mutual and you can try to find out if it's still possible with him. You may be thinking, this is cruel to your current boyfriend? No... what's cruel is being with him with the feelings you have right now for your ex. What's cruel is being with him but loving someone else. I lived through a situation like that, my girlfriend was still in love with her ex, that is extremely painful and when she left me to go back to him, though it hurt at the time it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me looking back at it now.

    • I've heard people have a tendency to tendency to think about their ex's when they start a new relationship and that it's completely normal. Have I gone beyond this normal time slot? Or is a month too early to assume this relationship isn't for me? I've never been in the position of breaking up with someone. I've always been the one to get dumped, so I don't know what signs to look for.

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    • Well, it turns out my ex didn't delete my number and we've started talking again. It's like catching up with an old friend. I broke up with the other guy. He was pretty upset, but understood that we just didn't click. It's no ones fault. It just happens.

    • It sounds like you got what you wanted and what you were hoping for. I hope it works out between you two. Glad I could help you along. I think you made the right choice, it's where your hearts at. Good luck

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