How can we stop fighting?

My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot and I think a lot of the tension is because he pressured me into letting his best friend live in our apartment with us and he ignores me for his best friend. I know he's also busy with school and stuff (but so am I) uni is tough! I totally get it. But is it too much to expect like an hour or two hours of quality one on one time a week? And maybe some very small thoughtful romantic gestures? And belive me it would be reciprocal, because I already make those efforts for him. And I mean like really tiny things just to show he cares and is thinking about me like a cute text or bringing me an inexpensive little treat now and then, or asking to go for a walk with me or just literally anything! A few days ago I thought I'd grab him his favourite starbucks drink as a surprise and he was just like "oh awesome thanks" and went back to ignoring me for Smash Bros... which I also bought for him... Anyways last night we got in an argument and now he is hung over and sleeping on the couch which he's never done before he usually comes and snuggles up to me even if we argue. I just got annoyed that he didn't think of me enough to ask if I could come to this party with him. I have never gone to a party without asking the host if he can come and people are always just like "oh of course I expected you'd come together anyway but thanks for checking in!". So last night he comes in and snaps at me that I look grumpy (I was texting my friend about her dog dying so I explained that) and then he grabs alcohol that I bought to bring to his party whithout asking if I'd like to come or if he can take my stuff. Then he texts me halfway through the party saying everyone expected he'd bring me and that I should come but I was already in bed! I told him I knew he didn't really want me there and to just enjoy it without me. I don't think I'm being needy or clingy I just want to feel like his girlfriend and not a chore.


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What Guys Said 1

  • There's no easy answer if either party is unwilling to communicate. It sounds like he wants time to himself, but of course there should be a limit to this (you're living together after all).

    If your boyfriend is unwilling, too proud, or shy, to communicate his feelings, try asking his best friend (the one who moved in with you) for some insight. If he continues to shut you out, you may want to consider asking him about his goals in regards to your relationship.

    • I tried talking to his friend but then his friend started flirting with me, he said "You have been to patient with him, I'd never ignore you you are such a pretty girl you could have any guy you wanted so why put up with it. Sure he loves you but he rarely PROVES it" and then he tried to hold me around the waist and it's SUPER awkward around him too.

    • Yeah, I wouldn't trust your bf's friend either if he did that. It's suspicious that he's trying to drive a wedge between you and you're boyfriend (let alone flirt with you as well).

      Again, communication is key here. Talk with your boyfriend about your concerns because problems like these rarely solve themselves.

      Making assumptions of a person's actions is dangerous. It's very sad how often conflict arises from a simple misunderstanding. Maybe your boyfriend failed to invite you to a party because he honestly thought you didn't want to go, or maybe he thought you were mad at him for whatever reason and didn't want to argue.

      Guys can overthink things just as much as gals.

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