I can't stop thinking about him does that mean I do love him?

I would really appreciate some advice. I used to be dating a guy about two months ago. We dated for months. We did not break up we drifted apart but still kept in touch I'm not sure what to call it. When we dated I just liked him and texted whenever I felt like I wanted to which wasn't that often but he would text me a lot, I wasn't sure about him because I did not really feel that strongly about him. He was a guy that I was seeing and I wanted to see where it goes. Thing is that I can't stop thinking about him, the fact that we drifted apart makes me really sad because it was mostly my fault and I didn't realize until now. I think about all the fun we had together and it breaks my heart? Sometimes I start crying. I did not feel this way earlier and the bad things us/him does not even matter anymore. I really miss him. He is the first thing on my mind in the morning and before I go to bed. Am I in love? What should one do?


Most Helpful Guy

  • No, those feelings are part of a reaction to specific chemicals released by the brain during early attraction, generally referred to as NRE (new relationship energy).

    It will absolutely feel like love to someone the first time they experience it really strongly, but it is a completely different set of chemicals. The ones required for 'true love' take years to develop.

    The ones from NRE involve dopamine, norepinephidrine, phenylethylamine and serotonin, so they are basically amphetamines, stimulants and painkillers (the painkiller part, in particular, is responsible for it actually physically hurting during a break-up while this phase is active).

    It can trigger when the brain just imagines a relationship, which is why teen girls can 'fall in love' with rock stars or whatever... they imagine a relationship and their brain starts producing the chemicals to get ready for it. And so what would have happened for you is that you thought about some good times and thought about what it would be like or something along those lines, and your brain picked up the wrong intention and just ran with it. And now you're stuck with those relationship chemicals and are going to have to go through the 'break up' phase, which sucks. A lot.

    Time will help, but if you end up carrying 'hope' that something can happen in the future, you will never get over it, because your brain will use that hope to keep producing the chemicals, and not accept that it's over and that there is no longer a reason to keep dealing with them.


Most Helpful Girl

  • This doesn't mean love. It actually sounds like lust to me. If you're in love you'll know without a doubt.

    • I don't think I would know. I have never been in love before only liked a couple of people that I dated. I haven't been in a relationship either.

    • The guy I'm in love with now is the only guy I've ever loved and as soon as I fell in love I knew 100%

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What Guys Said 1

  • No it just means you can't stop thinking about him.


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