How do you develop feelings for someone?

This is a pretty general question, kind of like 'research'... So, when I was younger, I used to develop feelings for girls pretty randomly. They were mysterious, I would have 'butterflies' around girls I was attracted to, my heart would skip a beat, along with the other cliche nonsense. This just doesn't happen to me anymore. I don't get excited when a girl I like/am dating texts me and I don't really develop feelings the same way. In fact, I don't really feel immediately attracted to any girls I meet, regardless of their appearance.

Basically, I develop feelings for someone by spending time with them, bonding about various things, having physical intimacy of some kind and a genuine respect for them as a person. Only then do those stereotypical attraction responses arise. Lots of internet advice, however, still seems caught up in this idea that love is 'magical' and has to be unexplainable and I'm wondering how widespread that perception is.

For a bit of context, I really don't want to date or become involved with someone that sees love in this magical/unexplainable way and my hope is that most people/women don't, but I guess that's what this question sets out to discover... No judgements though :)


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What Girls Said 1

  • no immediate attraction? that's a bit... odd... lol. i can tell within like 2 seconds if i find someone to be attractive. it's instantaneous. it's even faster if we get to make eye contact.

    for deeper feelings, i do agree that emotional attraction develops through bonding, hanging out, talking, etc.

    i don't see love as an inexplicable thing, but i can't deny the power of that initial attraction either. it's like something just clicks into place.

    • Haha okay, I should clarify. I can look at someone and determine whether I think they're physically attractive and dressed well/carry themselves well, etc. That's kind of obvious, but I don't really feel anything beyond that for them. In fact, this initial attraction isn't actually even necessary for me anyway, so I actually don't really think about it very much... Is that actually weird?

    • no. it's hard to have feelings when you know nothing about who the person actually is. that's a normal thing, in my opinion. i can't have feelings for some random guy- not unless i'm making up in my head what i think he's like.

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