1 - I don't exactly have a group to fit into, nor do I want to fit in
2 - I have an overwhelming sense of morality and very strong moral compass
3 - I don't do very well with others as I search for the "negative's" in people and overlook the "positives"
4 - I don't smile often and don't have best sense of humor
5 - I'm pretty emotionaly distant to the point of a cold hearted individual (not that I will not help others when needed)
The things listed above are probably the result of my clinical depression, and being honest I don't want to drag others into my life just to hurt them emotinaly somewhere down the road due to my actions. I don't think I'm a bad person, all I really wan't in life is some hapiness. I know I can't achive thay with relationship solely but then I remember that it's highly unlikely for me to get into a relationship due to the fact that I'm a loner and someone who has to deal with depression on daily basis, this things are very attractive to anyone and I don't blame them. Instead this too things are kind of unwanted bagage who no one want's to deal with.
I had a girl for 5 months, and we broke up recently. I felt absolutely nothing, but I been empty for many years now. She was Bipolar and at times her Bipolar episodes took very massive toll on me, and it's hard to deal with your own mental state. Don't get me wrong I may have depression and all, but still pretty sane, I guess it never fully broke me :). The thing I should mention is that I did not breakup because of her Bipolar episodes, I broke up because the relationship felt very one way with me being the piggy bank. Kind of felt like just being used to pay for stuff when out and as a method of transportation. I don't regret it, instead I was more then relified.
So with all of that, can I ever find a girl who will give me a chance for who I am?