Why is she giving me severe anxiety?

So, I have been seeing this girl for about a month now, and we hit it off pretty well. However, I am getting very mixed signals from her and its causing me a lot of anxiety.

She lives an hour away from me, and we really only get to see each other on the weekends. The fact that she is willing to drive all that way to me and spend the weekend at my place is positive, as well as when we are together, she is very nice and sweet and tells me how she is happy we are spending time together.
However, when we are not together, she takes a long time to reply back to me and it really bothers me. Now I understand that not everyone has their phones glued to their hands and actually are busy and have lives, but it sometimes takes her hours to reply back. In addition, i see that she is active on facebook messenger and i think to myself, "well why can't she just respond to me?" Or maybe i text her at night and she falls asleep and i dont hear from her till the next afternoon or until i message her again the next day at some point. Granted, she is busy as a nanny taking care of a few kids throughout the day, and i get that she is busy at times, but its when I see her as active on facebook after I had already texted her, or posts up a pic on instagram, is when this really bothers me. I feel like i text her more than she tries to text me.

My question is, is she doing this on purpose? does she want to keep me on my toes? Is she losing interest? I dont want to bore her, or make her think that I am desperate for her attention, although it would give me so much more comfort to hear from her more often.

She's told me in the past that she would get bored with old boyfriends and thinks its fun to sometimes mess with guys heads. I know, it sounds crazy, why would I like her right? Because other than those red flags, she makes me feel good and is nice to be around.
Why do I feel so anxious about this and why is she doing this?


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What Girls Said 2

  • There is a guy i am seeing who i talk to often and sometimes he messages me and i take really long to respond or if i fall asleep during the convo I wouldn't respond until he messages me again or until the next day in the afternoon. I do not do it on purpose at all, it just goes like that and sometimes I am online responding to other messages.
    Honestly you have nothing to worry about she spends weekends with you, which i assume means you both have been physical with each other.
    If she takes long to respond remember she is busy and also has other relationships to maintain with friends etc.

    • Thank you, that was helpful. But I mean, why does it happen? Am I forgotten about or not as important as other people she may be talking to I. e. friends and family?
      For example, Saturday night she went into the city with her friends to a club, which I was cool with and understand we both need our space. She texted me a couple times throughout the night while there, said she missed me, called me babe, even sent a picture of herself with her friend. My last text to her was around 3am and I waited all day to hear back from her and didn't at all. Now, I get that she was with her friends and having a good time and im not priority at that point. But I imagined that she would respond back to me at some point in the following day. I was going to just not text her all all till the next day but the anxiety became too much to handle, so I texted her around 10pm and we talked for a bit. Said she had a good time but would have rather been with me.

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    • But it sounds like she does like you quite a bit and you are very interested so i would suggest you try, especially as it is early still, to think of why you get so anxious and what is it that makes you so uncomfortable with her taking a while to respond. Is it just something you like or did you have a bad previous experience. Cause like i said there seem to many signs she is into you but you are focusing on one minor 'negative' part. :(

    • I see what you are saying, thank you.
      Well yes, I can think of a few reasons why I feel this way, and I also imagined it had more to do with myself than her. I can recall a few relationships where I would call or text the girl and not hear from them for hours. As time went on, i started to hear less and less from them, and the affection started to slip away. Eventually, I found out they were purposely ignoring me. So maybe I fear all that happening again, or fear the rejection, fear looking like a fool for investing more time than I should with her. I suppose I get so anxious about it as well because she told me a couple weeks ago that she's a heartbreaker and that she's not good at relationships and she broke up with past bfs because she was bored. So I asked her about that a bit and she said that it was different with me because she likes me a lot, yet im not sure how to take that, and maybe those red flags are really what got me on edge about it.

  • Sounds like maybe she isn't that into texting/messaging extensively. I get on FB to read articles a lot, for example, so it can be irritating when people make tons of small talk on messenger because they're bored and see I'm online. Try giving her an actual phone call and keeping it to a half hour. A lot of people find hearing their partner's voice evokes positive feelings.

    • Thank you for such a quick response to this post. Her and I normally text each other, but when we do I feel like it takes her so long to reply back sometimes. I know its silly to get worked up over a text, but like I had mentioned, sometimes I see her active on facebook even after I had already texted her.
      I would like to call her, it would be nice to hear her voice, but I get the impression maybe she prefers texting, just because she's never really expressed any interest in speaking on the phone.

      When she does respond to me though, its usually very positive and full of emojis and sometimes says she misses me even.

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    • You have been very helpful and insightful, thank you.
      Her actions when we're together is positive. She gets along well with my friends, she's very nice and sweet, she says she really enjoys how I am gentleman and treat her like a lady, she was even kind enough to buy me an expensive ticket to a game she wanted to go to with me. But again, its when we are not together that I am concerned. I just don't want to be getting played out or be a part of some mind game, its hard to tell...

    • Signs are pointing towards it being a communications preference rather than her not liking you. I'd suggest actually talking to her about it and saying you like to talk a bit nearly every day and then seeing what works best with her schedule. Good luck!

What Guys Said 1

  • she is dangerous and toxic. be a brave man, gather the balls that you need, and break up and move on.

    • Have considered that. I'm waiting it out and seeing where it goes, it all could be just in my head. I am keeping my distance though. Thank you.

    • you'll definitely find someone who "makes you feel good to be around" but not be a psycho messing with your sanity... .

    • you are welcome

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