He tells me he has no money, then buys me things?

Okay, so I've been dating this guy for 8 months now.
He's really sweet and we have a great time together. I love him and he claims the same for me :)
For the past few months, he's been complaining about money problems. He had to sell his two favorite guitars just to pay rent, and he's been working his poor butt off at his job for more commission.
For a while we didn't go out much and he never bought me gifts or anything and i didn't care because I'm not into material items anyways, his affection is enough for me. But this past black Friday he told me he wanted to buy me something, and took me to best buy, brought me to the cameras and said "I know you've been wanting a camera, so pick one out."
I was shocked! These were $200-$500 cameras, even with the Black Friday deals! I couldn't let him spend so much on me, we hadn't even been dating a year. Hell, I'm not sure if my own father would spend that much on a gift for me.
I told him no, and he said "I know you want something, i just have to figure out what."
We ended up going to get tea afterwards because i didn't want a big gift at all.
But anyways, lately he's been buying me gifts left and right. Little things, he bought me a pretty little $8 bracelet and a few t-shirts i liked and a star wars ring. He jokes about how I'm spending all his money all the time and it makes me feel bad because it's not like i ask him for these things, he just buys them, and i know he's joking but it still makes me feel bad.
I wanted to even the score with him yesterday by buying me a gift, and he ended up asking if we could get a puzzle to share and build together. But i wanted to get something only for him, i feel like i bought the puzzle for myself because he told me to pick it out and take it home.
If he's having money problems, why would he buy me gifts and take me out constantly?


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What Guys Said 1

  • While rationally he's aware of his current financial situation, the power of a woman can COMPLETELY override the rational thinking brain.

    He obviously cares a lot about you from the sound of it, and maybe he thinks that buying you material things and showering you with gifts around the holidays is a good way to insure that you stay in love with him.

    Not saying that he's trying to 'buy' your love, but I've been that guy in my late teens and early 20's spending money I didn't have on a girlfriend I was madly in love with, it's just something he feels he needs to be able to do for you.

    If the relationship is going well, just understand that this is part of his personality and how his brain thinks... Maybe offer suggestions for things you want to DO with him that don't cost that much money and ask him for those experiences (trip to the beach for the day, going to the park or the zoo or museum, driving to some coffee shop in a distant town or something inexpensive but fun), that way he can give you things you want and feel secure that he's properly providing for you, without going into debt or selling any more guitars!

    • Thanks for the informative answer!
      Honestly the way he does things always boggles me, but i love him so its all good.
      We've recently made a habit to go get coffee together each weekend, it's sort of a little tradition we started. Maybe that's why he suggested it!

    • Nice.
      Yeah, make it obvious to him that the simple experiences like getting coffee on the weekend bring you just as much (or more) pleasure and excitement than the expensive cameras and jewelry, and maybe help him think more about saving some of that money he might otherwise be spending buying things for you.
      Not that he shouldn't buy you stuff, but right now while he's not got the money in the bank he should stick with less-expensive options and worry about the big money gifts later. But as I said, I've been in his shoes and I know it's a lot easier said than done. Good luck and have fun together!

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