As the "attractive, popular girl", how can I connect with the "attractive, popular guy"?

I would consider myself an attractive person who has always been popular with the guys. I have a nice personality and I've never had to "work" to get a guy's attention, they usually come on their own. I noticed that very attractive guys also have the same with girls. Women are attracted to them and surround in flocks. I assume they don't have trouble getting a pick from all these girls.
My assumption is that (based on my experience as the attractive girl) because you never have to work at getting the opposite sex's attention, you are spoiled and not forward or direct in telling someone you like them since they do it first. Also, because we are "friendly" and "charismatic", sometimes people are mislead and think that we like them when we don't. So how can I get into this guy's head (leave an impression) without coming across as obvious, but for him to see/ realize that I am interested and that if he is interested, he should do the same? (Keep in mind he is used to getting attention and prob. have women confess their attraction all the time). So how can I stand out in this attractive guy's mind without showing all my cards and levening out the field? I am willing to be a bit more forward, however, I don't want to "chase" anyone nor compete with girls. If a guy likes you, he should also be mature enough to come forward and show it. My other issue is that I do not want to be mislead by these "signals" that are just signs of a charismatic person and not actual interest, that's why I don't want to be too forward and say, Hey I like You when it could be that I was only given "charismatic person signals". It is probably immature, since one of us could just go to the other and say, Hey I like you, but if we are both used to playing on the same field, how can this be overcome? At the end of the day, initial stages are important. Pull or push too hard, and it's over.

Any advice attractive guys? or girls who successfully date the attractive guy?
(pref in experienced answers)
PS: This is for attractive people I already know in real life (not hypothetical). Therefore we have met and hang out in groups of friends.
Please only answer if you have experience on the matter, and are a mature person with some solid advice. I'm asking for opinion to solve the matter not an opinion on my question. Thank you.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You do know you should just be straightforward and tell him right? Others do it and there is no shame in that, if you're as attractive as you say he is having to 'compete chase etc' with other guys to ask you upfront as well.

    • That is true, you are right! Thanks for your answer! :) I guess I should have just done that. I just wanted some opinions if there was another way. But yeah, I somehow assume that not all men are as appreciative of a woman asking them out vs having to get a woman's attention. Maybe I am wrong, I don't know where I got that impression from, but thanks for the feedback!

    • Ps: Just so you know, I wanted to test my assumption on whether men are less appreciative and attractive of a woman who asks them out first. Maybe that is why I wanted another way. You can find the question and answer here : girlsaskguys. com/dating/q1834839-are-men-less-appreciative-or-interested-of-women-when-the-woman

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What Guys Said 8

  • are you sure you're 25? you act like a 13 year old middle schooler

    • Is that your advice?

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    • no one on here knows anyone on this site. by your logic, any serious answer is just as invalid as any joke answer and/or comment like mine so then what are you asking for? we can't assess your question cause "we don't know your life story". we form our answers based exclusively how you convey your thoughts in the words you write. and based on what you wrote, which is what you wanted to tell us and in the manner you told it to me and everyone else, you act like a 12 year old girl.

      if you want real advice, grow up and stop living like a 12 year old girl and just tell him you like him. you even said, "If a guy likes you, he should also be mature enough to come forward and show it". it works both ways. you have the right to straight up ask him out. there's no law saying you can't just be like, bruh, i like you. wanna go out? i've been somewhat in your shoes and it sucks, but your premise based on being "popular" and "attractive" is beyond laughable for a girl your age.

    • Alright. Cool (Y) Thanks.

  • I can't help but to say,... this seems so shallow of a question. So with that aside... just say something to him.

    • It is :-) and there is no shame in that. We all go for looks when we meet someone for the first time, and then we get to meet them to see if they are worth getting to know. And sometimes we meet someone ugly with a great personality who is great getting to know more. So shallow question, but still valid question.
      Having that said, I already spoke to the guy, it was more of if there was another way, but thanks for the feedback!

  • A lonelier person is a badass.

  • Yuck.

  • You sound like you're in high school not in your 20s...

    Sorry but you're not going to get anywhere unless you walk right up to him and ask him out. You can throw hints his way but he's not going to notice them. You'll think you're playing a game of cat and mouse if you throw subtle hints his way but he's not even going to know that you were doing anything. Being transparent and upfront or simply moving on are your two options.

    • Yes, you are definitely right. I just wanted some opinions if there was another way. I somehow assume men aren't as appreciative of a woman asking them out vs when they have to work for it. Maybe I am wrong, I don't know where I got that impression from, but thanks for the feedback!

  • I don't recommend you to be with this guy.
    Once someone told me this and i still can't forget it
    If you are going to date.. Date someone who doesn't look like you in their personality or nature..
    Calm person + loud person it's like water and fire which can great!
    But loud person + loud person it's like fire and this is the worst!

    • Hi, thanks for your response. That's interesting, psychology usually states that people with the same value system are more likely to stick together. And while you can be different on the outside, activities and hobbies, if you have the same personality it is more likely to succeed. I do want to be with an attractive guy. I have already dated non attractive, good personality guys, so I am not superficial at all. I want to try something different for a change.

      Therefore, having someone who is also my same personality I would assume is a good thing, I want to get to know this "attractive guy's" personality to see if it matches with mine. That's what I am saying.

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    • Hi, that's actually really nice advice! Thanks!
      However, I am just wondering because that is more later stage advice... I mean after we have gotten to know each other. But if it is someone I just met a few times, how can I get to that next stage of actually getting to know them when I don't even know if we have anything in common? It probably also doesn't help if we have met while being out. But that's what I mean, it really is that initial stages... to see if they are actually a nice person or worth pursuing. :)

    • Yes you definitely need to hang out with him a couple of times to understand him more and to see how he reacts in his worst mood. Be careful to not develop your feelings during the progress of knowing him :)

  • I'm probably a bit above average as I get approached a fair amount when out boozing. I usually date average looking girls because the attractive ones tend to be generic, dumb and materialistic, they think looks speak for themselves and they never bothered to develop a personality. So avoid being like that and you should stand out.

    • Hi, thanks for your answer. I don't consider myself to be a shallow or generic girl. All the people I have been in a relationship with were never based on looks but really based on personality. So I have never gone for someone based solely on looks because personality is most important. That is why I asked this question. Because I have been in serious committed relationship, I have not been dating or approaching the "hot popular guy" (unlike many girls), which is why I am asking. I would not say that the hot popular guy has approached me either, so I was wondering why is that, if I consider my personality to be quite nice and I get along really well with most people. I am wondering if it is that we are both afraid to be upfront, or maybe he doesn't find me attractive. I don't know. I do think I stand out though.

    • You just have to be yourself then. It's amazing when you meet a girl and she's really pretty but she's obviously got a brain as well, you can only demonstrate that when you start talking though. You can go up to a guy and say hi if you like the looks of him, I've had girls do that with me and I don't mind. Of course guys could approach you if they had the bottle, but lots don't usually because when they see a hot girl they assume she's taken or she's a high maintenance bimbo. Hot guys usually go for girls a couple of points below them because it stacks the odds in their favor.

  • tinder? I know its a cell phone app but it might be an option , it seems to be popular with younger singles

    • Thanks for your response. I meant if I already know the person but it is initial stages attraction/chemistry.

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