Am I a bad person for leading on a guy?

This was a while ago but I was leading on this guy, well, I was kind of using him as rebound as well.

I felt so bad that I tried to break it off as nicely as I could. He was my friend for 2 years prior to us "dating" so I still cared about him. I told him we should be friends and he lost it and said he didn't wanna be just friends.

So I ended up staying with him. Even though I never really fell deeply in love with him, I did love him, and cared about him so much. :( I always felt like I did the wrong thing.

We are no longer together but I still felt like I used him.


Most Helpful Guy

  • If any one needed clarification of what the word contradiction means then they won't find a better example than the back ground story to this question.

    Are you a bad person? Well what do you think? Nice, decent people usually don't lead people on and use them for their own self-gratification and validation like you did to someone who is your friend. If you treat a friend this way then I really do send my deepest sympathizes to your enemies because they really must receive hell fire from you.

    You know you used him and you know you've done wrong but the good news is that you have the capacity for change.

    • You only know this story, you don't know everything that happened to lead me up to this point. Guilt is a sign of a person with a consious, I dont think bad people have a lot of that. I am working on changing. Your opinion is not helpful but thanks anywyas.

    • If you're looking for someone to put their arm around you then you might want to block me from answering your future questions because I spare no feelings in giving my honest opinion and I always make sure I do it in the 'nicest' possible way, so I don't lead any one on.

      Listen you're not the only person that has had to deal with issues, yet a lot of people aren't so weak that they'd take it on out someone else, we deal with our shit internally instead of hurting those closest to us. You cannot excuse bad behavior, you just have to recognize you've done wrong and make sure you learn from your mistakes.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Sorry to say, but using people is quite a sad thing to do. Its harsh and humiliating.


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What Guys Said 2

  • We all have our flaws, some have trouble expressing their feelings and what not. One action doesn't define a person but it certainly gives us a clue to who that person might be.

    Think of it this way: Now that you know how you'll feel afterwards, would you do it again? If not then you've probably learnt a lesson and thus you're not a bad person, at least not in my book. We all have the right to make mistakes, it's how you deal with the aftermath that's important, will you do it again or are you going to change something?

    In this case you should probably talk to him about it, I know that if I were him then I'd be very happy for you to come true with me, I'd prefer to be hurt by the truth rather than being seduced by a lie.

  • Are you a bad person? Short answer is, yes, in this specific instance you are.

    You know want some sort of sympathy from people, who don't know you, because you feel guilt for something you knowingly did? That's silly. You made a choice and you know consciously what the ramifications of this were. What did you expect would happen? He would go, "Oh okay, no big deal, 2 years of friendship and a pseudo-dating that was a waste of my time, were a hoax, no big deal"?

    Girls get upset for guys playing them and lose their sh*t in all manner of ways, become vindictive, label guys creeps, assholes, douchebags, and the likes. This is what happens when you do it to guys, they cut you off. You can't have your cake and eat it too, that's just plain selfish.

    Also for the record, regret isn't always correlated to conscience, it's a sign of emotions associated to missing something, and in this case you miss the his company/attention/whatever he provided you that stroked your ego. If he came back to you right now, you would have no respect for him or you would use him again as you deemed fit to carry you through your lows, you don't really want his friendship you want he provided to you.. an emotional crutch.


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