I don't know how I'll ever find a girlfriend. What do I do?

Okay, so let me set things up for you. I'm 21 and going to college. For several years I was madly in love with a friend of mine. She liked me as a friend and we were pretty close, but she never had feelings for me. I don't blame her for this. Honestly, I'm the only one to blame.

I've never been very confident and this absolutely wrecked my self-esteem. To put so much into it and to not be good enough for her kills me. When I look in the mirror I hate what I see. Ugly hair, glasses, bad teeth, pale, short, skinny. In a word: ugly. As far as my personality, I guess there are a few things I don't totally hate, but the best thing I can say is I'm nice. I'm not into this thing of "nice guys finish last", but if the only thing you have to offer is you're nice you're kind of screwed.

When I see a girl who I think is cute I immediately assume she's out of my league. I just don't see why they would want to date me. In fact, I feel guilty if I try to talk to a girl. I figure she doesn't want to deal with my shit and what does it say about my opinion of her if I actually think she'd go for a guy like me?

I've never been in anything remotely like a relationship. I'm completely clueless as to how to talk to girls, how to date, how real relationships work vs. what you see on TV. And all this at an age when everyone is dating, hooking up, or getting engaged like it's no big deal.

All I've ever wanted is to find love. With every passing day I feel my chances become slimmer and I hate myself even more. I don't know what to ask really. I guess I need to figure out how to accept my life as it is and learn to be happy (or at least content) with being single. I don't know. I'm at a loss, but any advice would be appreciated.


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What Girls Said 1

  • Ask girls out. I don't even know u but by the way u sound you would be a catch


What Guys Said 1

  • If you're 21 then you still have a long way to go and sort out all the various things in your life. I'd try to focus more on School, Education and getting all the advice and consultation that I would need to become a successful professional, able to have a stable career you can make a good living off of with fewer financial struggles, etc. such as paying back student loans, bills, rent, and possibly even mortgage and insurance. It just would provide long-term stability for any successful relationships.

    But at the same time I would advise you to get active and engage others such as get involved with clubs and various student activities and/or student volunteering opportunities. Do not hesitate or procrastinate on this and wait until you about to graduate or have already graduated.

    Who knows? Maybe you may meet other people on campus that have similar issues as you do? Maybe you can work together and help each other out be each others wingman, etc. Maybe you'll end up in a few dates here and there eventually. Know one other thing though. Fist time serious relationships are the least likely to last very long and be a success. Go with a mindset that it is really just a learning experience more than anything else.


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