Girl I slept with seemed keen, but seems distant since.. what I should do?

I've been seeing this foreign girl for just over a month and we've been out on four dates, the fourth which was last Sunday where she got me to meet her friends and we went back and had sex/slept together.

This girl has mostly hit up my phone with texts and initiated contact, replying back within minutes, etc however I have been busy with work lately and I have to wait a few hours to text her back. I've noticed she's been doing the same, to the point she hasn't replied at all to my last message.

Some back story of when I saw her last Sunday, she seemed really keen with me and seemed to enjoy our sex from her reactions, however I wasn't able to climax myself (due to masterbating earlier in the day) but we joked that it was tiredness and the drink as it was 2-3am. After I did ask if she'd want to be my girlfriend (wish I didn't do), she giggled and smiled but said it was "too soon". I said fair enough and didn't let it phase me.

The following morning, I woke up with her facing me and she smiled then she went in to kiss me. We both got up and got changed, she offered me breakfast but I said I'll get some on my way home. As I was sat down looking at my phone and she was doing her hair, she said "you can go home if you want you know" so I ended up leaving and she walked me to the door where we kissed, but she pulled away first. As I left she was stood behind the door as it closed.

Two days later I text her:

Me: Hey you, yeah you.. Can you keep a secret?
[3 mins later] Girl: What secret?
[an hour later] Me: Don't tell anyone.. But I met this cute girl on Sunday. She was called (her name). She snores a lot though
[7 hours later] Girl: I don't know that girl sorry
[following midday] Me: If you say so! When are you next free to fight some crime, ninja?

This was yesterday at midday and I haven't had a reply since. I'm confused about what to do.. Should I go no contact and let her get back to me now the ball is in her court? Or should I send a text (assuming she didn't get it, she's had that problem before) on Boxing day asking about how her Christmas went and build some rapport before suggest another day to meet?

I know she's got plans this Christmas as she told me what she's doing, but even then I have time to send a quick text


Most Helpful Girl

  • I feel like she is being a bit defensive here, worried you are losing interest, now that she has given you sex... Girls are taught to 'mirror' texting habits to avoid seeming needy. That would explain her taking time to reply to your messages. Also she might have felt offended that you refused her offer for breakfast. She might have expected you to stay longer. I suspect that question, "you can leave if you want to, you know," wasn't an invitation for you to leave, but a test to see if you would stay. She probably also got offended that you didn't text her for two days after sleeping together.

    Stop overthinking it, arrange a meet up and talk it out.

    • I guess so, but I texted her yesterday asking when she's next free but in a jokey way like "when are you next free to fight some crime, ninja?" and it's been over a day with no reply. I'm worried that text was a bit cringy, but I've used that line before with her (and it's more a throwback to our initial interaction where we joked about fighting crime, etc)

    • Show All
    • Deleted her number but didn't delete her on FB. I want to see it as an opportunity to show her I'm with other girls and enjoying myself!

    • I'm sorry. I'm glad you dealt with it as maturely as you did... don't beat yourself about it. I don't think you did anything wrong. Even asking her to be your Girlfriend... Yeah it was early, but I wouldn't stop seeing a guy for that reason. Like she said, you two just want different things. Better you found out now than later, when you would have fallen deeper... Looks like you are handling it well though. Hope you feel better...

Most Helpful Guy

  • Do not send another text otherwise it works against you as it makes you come across as clingy and desperate, giving that she is still not sure of wanting to be your girlfriend.

    Just as she made out with you last weekend, prepare your mind that she could be sandwiching with another guy right now.

    If I were you I will temper my expectation, and go with the flow. In fact, you were somewhat naive to ask her to be your girlfriend after just knowing her for hours or so.

    • It was our 4th time seeing each other

    • In that case, just wait. Let's time be your best buddy right now. But do not make any contact with her. Just as her silence is raising your attraction towards her, use silence to stir mystery about you and up her attraction to you.

    • Would it be bad to just text her "merry christmas" later today or say, texting it in her language (spanish)? I mean yeah it'll be two texts in a row (she's sent me 3-5 in a row before, various times) but I'm just wondering about what the content of that text is, that as long as it isn't needy/desperate, i'm really just texting her a festive greeting like I am to all my other friends.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Don't send another text to an unreplied one! I would alwaus doubt that she hasn't received it, instead of jumping to that as a comforting answer. Send her a short happy Christmas text, but she seems to have gone off you. She sounds like a bit of a commitment phobe, let her get over it and see what happens, but she may not even be the girl for you if she IS a commitment phobe...

  • I didn't know you need to ask for permission for a girl to be your gf?

    She probably just used you for the sex.


What Guys Said 1

  • seemed distance since. Done did it, move on, fella :)