Says he doesn't want a serious relationship right now?

Ok, so here's the backstory: My boyfriend and I dated for 3 years, then he broke up with me. A couple weeks after that, (no contact in between) I asked him if we could talk, and we did. We discussed the fact that because he's new to college/greek life he wants to have some time to focus on himself. He's not ready to do a serious relationship at all, but still would like to date me in a less serious committed fashion, at least until he is ready. We have our first date since the ordeal tomorrow, and he seems really excited.

We talk just like we always did, near constant. He comes home and gets on steam and we talk all night and we even flirt back and forth like we always did. I'd like to ask him if being exclusive is something on the horizon, because if it isn't, I can't handle the relationship anymore, but I don't really know how to word it without making it seem like I'm rushing him. I want him to have the time he needs to figure himself out. I wonder if maybe I had been rushing him a little much and it scared him into thinking we couldn't slow down.

I do wholeheartedly believe that he wants the space out of a relationship to work on him, to figure out who he is without someone there that he has to take care of as well. I understand his need to grow on his own, and I think he really isn't interested in a serious relationship with me OR anyone else at this time. He has suggested hanging out more when he's home for summer, as well. Not being exclusive is a bit worrisome and it hurts a little to know he's probably going to sleep around given the chance, but I suppose I don't know that for sure.

I'm more willing to wait for him to work on himself than to let the relationship go completely, if I'm honest. He's told me he doesn't like the idea of friends with benefits and doesn't want us to be that.

Any advice?


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What Guys Said 1

  • When will he be ready? I get so sick of hearing this from guys. This not ready bullshit is a fucking lie. You tell him when he is ready to let you know IF you're still single and get on with your life

    • Like I said, I believe him when he says he needs to work on himself and doesn't want a serious relationship. Amazingly, human beings have emotions and sometimes they can make decisions that they need to work on themselves and can see that there are hindrances in the way. I'm not intending on waiting for him for say, YEARS, or anything, but we already agreed to see each other casually and date anew. It's a new relationship that he's probably just not wanting to rush into just because we know each other.

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    • Trust me, if he wanted freedom to do that, he wouldn't have talked the relationship over with me in the first place. Or be so insistent on dating casually and not having sex for a while to ensure we don't rush back into things. Maybe you want to assume every man in the world is a giant piece of shit for every decision they make about a relationship but you honestly don't have enough knowledge on the situation to know for sure that's what he's doing. He was honest in telling me that he was propositioned by a girl during our no contact period and he turned her down because he didn't know quite where he stood on our relationship.

    • Have fun with that

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