My ex may have ruined all of my future relationships, how do I get over it?

About 3 years ago I had an ex who treated me like a king and expressed often how much she loved and cared about me. However, while I was deployed overseas, I found out that she cheated on me, as well as finding out a plethora of lies and mishaps. During this time, there were times when I wouldn't hear from her often or she said shed be doing something and really wasn't. I'm over her now and have been for years, but I feel as though i get severely anxious when I start to date a woman that I'm very interested in.
My current situation, I'm dating a woman who lives about an hour away from me and is usually busy during the day, so our scheduals dont always line up well and we really only get to see each other on the weekends. But things are great when we are together. She likes to hold my hand and kiss me out in public, she makes the drive an hour over to me to spend the weekend at my place, was very thoughtful with her Christmas gift to me... So my impression is that she does like me a decent amount.
However, when we are not together I dont hear from her very often and it makes me pretty anxious. I try to let her pursue me and let her initate our conversations and sometimes it works, but other times i just feel more comfortable texting her and hearing from her. Although sometimes it takes her hours to reply back.
Finally to my point... not hearing from her makes me very anxious, and I feel like a lot of it has to do with my ex and all the stuff she was doing behind my back while we were together. I think I may fear that this woman is talking to other guys or not as interested in me as much as it seems. I often think of her positive actions and how clear it seems that she likes me a great deal. But then I remember my ex certainly made it seem like that too back in the day.
I would really like to put all that in the past and actually enjoy my relationships with woman without feeling so anxious. How can I move forward from this?


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What Girls Said 1

  • First, I know I don't like initiating the conversation with a guy so most of the time I will wait for him text me first. That's just because I don't want to seem like clingy crazy weird and I don't want to become too attached to a person too quickly if that makes sense. So, she just might want you to text her first most of the time. Or she may actually just be very busy. Because if she takes time to get you a Christmas gift and drives to see you then I would suppose she likes you.
    Second, I know you have been hurt by someone else but you can't let that person hurt you even more by projecting the wrongs she did onto this girl... I know that's easier said than done and it's actually good to recognize behaviors so that history doesn't repeat itself but just keep it in the back of you head that this is a new girl and a new time in your life. I love hearing a guy who is actually taking a relationship seriously-it warms my heart-so I'm crossing my fingers for you that you can overcome this hurt and just leave the past behind you. This new girl may not be the girl you spend your whole life with and that's okay -so even if she isn't as serious as you'd like- remember it's not the end of the world there are SOOOOO many girls out there who are waiting for someone loyal and true and they will only be loyal and true right back to you!
    Okay and lastly... the only way to know where you stand is just to ask her. Ask her what she thinks the relationship you two have is and where she wants it to go. Tell her to be honest and its okay -you just want to know where you stand. Because the only way to know whats going on in a persons head is to ask them. I know I really like to know what a guy thinks about me straight up. I hate guessing and wondering what he thinks of me. So if you are concerned that she may not be as interested as she's seems-you just have to ask her straight up. And hopefully her answer will tell you for sure what she thinks and you won't have to wonder anymore.
    But most importantly, try not to project one person onto another. That never ends up going well. Because no one likes to suffer for the wrongs of someone else. Plus when your old stuff is dragging you down you can't be as happy as you're meant to be and that person still has a hold on you. Its good to be wise and try to feel out a person but try not to let your mind go straight the worst case scenario. Dont worry-ask her just how interested she is in you-& no matter the answer, kno u will b ok:)

    • Thank you very much for your input :)

      I've heard from a few girls that they don't like to initiate conversation first, but I also don't want to seem clingy as well. So I try not to text her too often, and sometimes am just curious to see if she's thinking about me and wants to talk to me.

      I would like to have a relationship with her, but she's told me that she was never good at relationships and that she was a heartbreaker. She also mentioned that she doesn't feel like she can love anyone. I would like to think that she sees me differently and has strong feelings for me, but I don't know. I would like to ask her straight up what she sees with us, but I also don't want to scare her away. Considering what she told me, I imagine she's afraid of relationships. But I wonder why she even talks to me or would want a relationship with anyone if she can't see a future with them.

What Guys Said 1

  • It'll take time to build that kind of trust again. You just need to keep dating and talking to people. It won't happen immediately.