Was it really a commitment issue or did I miss something?

I met a great guy in October 2015 and we hit it off really well even with 6 hours between us. We talked frequently and would video chat whenever we had the chance. We saw each other as much as the distance would allow - two full weekends and one week over Christmas break. One weekend we met at a halfway point so neither of us would have to drive too much, the second weekend was last minute but said the drive was worth it and thus drove to me (6hrs each way to be with me for less than 40hours), and the last time I went to his place for part of Christmas vacation.

We seemed to have the same goals in terms of what we wanted out of a relationship. However, I knew he had two really hard relationships, one being a marriage that ended in 2010 (wife came out as a lesbian) and the other she cheated on his at least twice of which he knows about (ended this summer). I am at the tail end of my divorce and wanted to take things slow give my situation and knowing his past relationships could cause him to be guarded, but nonetheless I followed his lead of being gung ho about the potential future.

Well as our last visit, and longest (7 days together), started coming to an end I realized he grew distant and wasn't being as affectionate or touchy. We had great chemistry in term of intimacy and conversation, which really had me concerned when I noticed he started pulling away the last day of my visit.

I knew something was up and confronted him. He said he didn't want me upset while on the road but that he began to freak out a day or so before I was to leave and was not ready for a committed relationship. He sounded so panicked/freaked on the phone, I had no clue how to react. I was hurt and sad that he seemed so cold towards me and was so quick to drop me with no interest of remaining in contact. I'm not sure how to handle the emotions and wish he was in some way still part of my life. Was he legitimately scared?


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  • He may have been. I've been in relationships before that started off very quickly and then he would back off as quickly as everything started. I think guys tend to get anxious when they realize the girl wants a future (most of us do) and they aren't 100% sure they're ready for that. Maybe try giving him some space for a while and then try to reopen conversation with him after he has some time to calm down. I'm sorry this is happened!

    • I really appreciate your input. I've asked a few people, men included, and based on the circumstances they feel he really did just get freaked out, but it still hurts to not have any communication after constant communication for 2 months. It's been hard to give him his space, but have definitively respected that and haven't made contact. To help me move forward, I did remove him from FB, which he then in turn blocked me, which I took as though he was hurt, but I can't move forward if I constantly look in the rear view mirror. If it was meant to be it will be; otherwise, I gotta keep truckin' forward.

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