Is she using me?

I'll try to be concise as possible.

A friend for about a year ended her 10 month relationship in July and in September she made a move on me. We had a fling for 3 weeks and it was amazing. We hung out a couple of times, slept together a couple of times and had a evening in the countryside. Then she had a cold shoulder on me, she still texted me but not as frequent and on a night out with our friends she had her guard up on me. My best friend then decided it was the best moment to tell me that "she liked me and didn't want to mess things up" which was said during the fling.

I asked her if the thing between us two was going any further and she said she doesn't want a relationship. I decided we should stay friends but see what the future brings. I still spoke to her but I decided to distance myself, I went quiet for a week and accidentally ignored a text. She then said to me she has no time now but maybe after Christmas so I decided to carry on. Then on another night out she got drunk and left a club with another guy, I decided that was it and deleted her number. She messaged me on Facebook the next morning needing to talk to me and felt rubbish.
Then at Christmas I got really drunk and opened up to her, obviously she knew I was drunk and just hugged it out. After a few days of feeling rubbish I decided to say to her I need to move on. She got confused and said that every time we get close I pull away and that she misses our fling.

After Christmas she went cold again so I decided to back away but then came New years. She spent a night with a rubbish lad, from what she told me and said to me that she likes me but can't commit to me at the moment because she's emotionally unstable. She wanted to stay as we are and she can't bare her life without. e then went back to cold with me again the next day. At this moment we are on friendly terms.

Is this girl just using my attention or does she genuinely like me but isn't ready for me yet?


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  • She had a fling with you, so, yes, to an extent, she likes you. With that being said, by her own admission she's emotionally unstable and is yet to be ready to commit, which, in my view, explains her hot and cold attitude towards you. Which is also indicative of her intent to avoid misleading you.

    For now, it seems, she only wants to remain friends. And perhaps, if you can keep your emotions out of it, occasionally hookup with you. And nothing more.