im 19 in college. I had my first girlfriend and i feel like ill never get another girl. I keep relationships on social media such as kissing, etc. I even see that in public. Im starting to give up on love because again i KNOW ill NEVER get another girl. Also I know ill keep getting friendzoned, even if i do get another girlfriend i know she'll cheat on me or break up with me. I seriously don't have confidence. I keep hearing people say "Love will come when you least expect it" or "live your life and she'll come" which is ********. Even they when they say "It's her loss" when she rejects me, what did she lose? I pretty much lost not her because she can just get another guy and she gets satisfaction from it while im still depressed. I always get bad luck with girls and it's going to be a cycle throughout my life which will lead me to not getting married. Most of my close friends have gfs and i dont and when i see them 2gether it kills me inside knowing ill never have that again. I'm 5'6, shy, play the piano, christian, and im passionte in my music skills but I know girls/women HATE that. Even if they like it, they'll friendzone me because it's not what gets women attracted to it. Im very serious when it comes to relationships and i know ill never find a girl like that. Sorry I'm not an athlete becuse I know they get the pretty girls. I still workout but I'm still not an athlete. Even if I get a bachlors degree and get a job, I still won't get girl to like me because like I said I give up on love. Until I see some change, I'll always give up because it's pointless at this point and im terrible talking to girls/women. I knw you guys will tell me "Love will come when you least expect it" but i dont believe it. My love life is over and ruined. Those loud and outgoing guys won the battle while I lost so I give up on love. Any thoughts? Thanks!
Most Helpful Girl
I really don't know what to say. I really have no idea. You are 19. Is this a serious question? I really can't tell. I just don't know how people can think like this. You are acting like the world is ending just because you've yet to get a girl again. You had one break up. One. I've been dating since I was in 7th grade (wish I'd waited) up till now. I'm 17. I didn't start seriously dating until I was a sophomore in HS. Every boy I've dated since then has always been a terrible experience with me. Every. Single. One. It always ends up with me being hurt even if I'm the one who broke up with them. I personally enjoy being single. I understand how that's not the case for everyone though. You have so much time to find someone. So much.
I'm not telling you "love will come when you least expect it." I'm telling you to get over yourself. Don't whine and complain about about how you're not getting anyone. With that attitude you never will. I've dated and liked athletes, yes, but sometimes I didn't even know they were until we started dating. Personally, I prefer to date someone who's a musician since I am one myself. Being an athlete has nothing to do with me liking a guy.
Don't generalize every girl. K? Cause that's not an attractive quality. Be confident in who you are. Also, the problem might actually not be them. *Gasp* It could be you. Maybe you are going for the wrong types of girls. Maybe you should reevaluate things. I know why I go for guys all the time. I have issues with my father that cause me to subconsciously go for people who I know won't treat me right because I'm afraid to commit to someone and end up being with someone like my dad. I go for them because I know they won't want to commit.
I know my problems. Maybe you should discover yours.0
Most Helpful Guy
Forget that whole kind of "love will come to you" kind of stuff. You have probability and volume.
Think of it like a game of blackjack, or maybe roulette, or maybe even a lottery (depending on how good you are at attracting women).
Except you can play as many times as you want, the losses don't count, all you have to do is win a single hand/spin.
So you go for volume. Network and branch out, meet friends of friends of friends, put yourself in settings with lots of girls, join the right social groups, clubs, whatever.
Next part, which is just as difficult, is sustaining a relationship. You can't do that so effectively if you give too much. That's usually the problem for a nice guy. You have to kind of be independent, make her long for you, or the relationship will dry out and she'll find another guy and friend-zone. Nice guys finish last, so it's good to be selfish a bit here and there (might even make you more attractive/sexy).
There's a game to be mastered in having long-lasting relationships, and a need for a constant flow of communication (but just being earnest isn't enough, there's a balancing act between selfish independence and selfless showering of attention and gifts).
I wasn't good at this either (still not that good, but much better). I didn't find long-lasting relationships with women I was really attracted to until after university.
But it gets better -- but you can't just stand back and wait for it. It is true that you often find love in the least expected situations -- I met both my wife and the greatest love before her that way, when I least expected it. But I was putting myself out there, exposing myself to lots of women. My wife I met through a friend of a friend of a friend. I networked a lot and that's how I got to meet her. Otherwise I never would have if I wasn't aggressively pursuing situations that allowed me to be around many women.0