I need help. What can I do to improve my chances (make sure to read details)?

Whoever is seeing this, thank you for generously lending your time in order to help me because trust me, I need all the help I can get. Before I talk about who I like, I want to talk about my current emotional state, which is really not very good. This is largely caused by the fact that my parents are getting divorced, which has been extremely hard for me. I feel as though a part of me has been ripped out, taken away from me. As my mom is staying in the house until my brother and I get out of high school and the fact that the divorce is not over causes a lot of awkward tension. My grades are not that well either. I'm pretty sure that I have OCD and mild’ish depression which has been made worse by the divorce. I am also naturally quite prone to anxiety and am not the best at handling it. On top of all this, I had an eye infection in 5th grade which somehow rendered me eyelashless. I don’t think that that will improve my chances of getting a girl ~sigh~. I just really want that good feeling of having someone that likes you, will always back you up, and be there for you. A lot of that has gone way because of this divorce. Even before the whole divorce started, I kind of wanted someone like I said above, a girlfriend.

To sum it up, I like this girl in my chinese class who I have been eying for a few months know. It wasn’t until early December when we began talking and becoming friends. It all kind of started when another girl who sits behind and to the left of me (who is also her friend) continuously began mixing up my chinese name. She thought that it was something very different than it actually was, so it was kind of funny, but things only got more interesting. So we were doing a lot of dialogue and speaking at this time, so for some reason my chinese teacher always paired me with her who sits somewhat across from me. We did it so much that she eventually moved next to me entirely. She really did help me quite a bit.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Just ask her to hang out or something. There's nothing cool about being all subtle here and trying to wait for some magic moment, straightforward wins, and some other guy might end up beating you to the case.

    It does several things:

    1) Shows confidence (respectable) if you don't turn into a mess when doing it.
    2) If success, you can spend more time with her, just you and her, and talk more and get to know each other which might lead to more.
    3) If failure, you make it less painful knowing this sooner instead of building up some fantasy love dream about her from afar, and can then move on to pursue another girl.

    In general it's not so wise to try to hunt girls with a sniper rifle. It's a path of crushes and heartbreak. A shotgun or grenade is smarter -- invest those emotions *after* the girl starts showing that she feels the same way, not before.

    But since you already did that, easiest way is just ask her out. The only obstacle is in your head. Rejection is a probability (maybe even a strong one), you have to learn to not fear rejection to the point where you never make a move and some other guy sweeps her up first, leaving you dumbfounded.

    • Oh and don't worry about this whole eyelash thing. That will make you less attractive -- not losing the eyelashes but being paranoid and obsessed to a point where it shatters your confidence and makes you overcome with fear.

      Attractiveness is somewhat of an illusion (not 100%, but somewhat). If you think you are attractive, as long as you don't come off as arrogant about it, it'll often help people think you are attractive. If you think you are the ugly duckling, it'll often make more people kind of look at you that way. A lot happens in your brain, how you carry yourself, etc.

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What Guys Said 1

  • Well, just realize you can always get that pleasure of security from friends, and sometimes siblings. The next thing you can do, smile more. Smiling gives that vibe that your happy, and girls like happy, sometimes... Also, when you smile, you give off a approachable vibe, meet people! And that girl, all you have to do is take the chance, casually say,"Hey you wanna go get some pizza or something after this?" It's not a date but it's a start. You can incorporate studying together, like going on a picnic or something like that. Come up something, people love creativity.