Why will her not being ready mean we can never be together?

This is a problem I can't seem to get my head around. Why do you both have to be ready for a relationship for it to ever work?

Me and a friend of a year ended up having a fling in September. We weren't best friends but we knew each other well enough. She had been out of a relationship a couple of months but the relationship was slowly going out the window for months before. When they split up she seemed to be happy with just going out with us and being a herself. Us two ended up hooking up and texting constantly for about 3 weeks. I wasn't quite myself at the time, I was very lonely and really wanted a girl In my life so when she suddenly started things with me I was nervous and didn't want to mess things up. She told my best friend she really liked me though. Everything seemed great but then she went cold suddenly. What did I do, I panicked even more and told her I liked her and she said she likes me too but isn't in the right place to be with anyone. After that we just stayed friends but I was in love with her.

Since then she opened up to me on New years day. Saying that she really liked me but just can't commit to me until she's stable. I really want a relationship with this girl. We get along so well, have a lot in common and had great sex.

I read all the time on the Internet to move on, block all contact, she's using you and all of that. Mostly people saying that this can never evolve into anything serious or romantic. Just to clarify I am speaking to other girls and seeing what else is about but she is constantly on my mind! I don't think I'll ever find a more perfect girl and I know she really likes me. Any advice?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Sorry you're in this situation... I've been in a similiar situation a couple of times, once I was in your position and we both seemingly liked eachother a lot but he didn't want to commit or anything. He ended up moving away and picked things back up with his ex so I don't think he was ever as interested as I was to be honest. If he was, he'd probably have worked at it but he didn't.

    Your best idea is just to talk to her about it and see what she says. Just open up to her and tell her what you've said here really. Reassure her that even if it's hard to start with (if she's got an issue with committing) you're okay with that and will be patient. Not much else you can do though, she might really like you but not see a relationship together as a good idea full stop.


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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 1

  • There are two most likely scenarios:
    1) She is using you as you have been already told.
    2) She is sincere and really does need the time to collect herself.

    Which is more likely? Well, she's your friend, not mine.