Why was I rejected so much as a teenager?

So I'll be 26 years old tomorrow. Yay my bday... but I look back and notice how every boy I have showed interest in they have some how rejected me. Either up front or they would entertain me for a while and then become distant.

I didn't start really liking boys until I was about 15, so I was some what of a late bloomer. I was a shy girl. Guys never really paid attention to me. In spite of being shy, i would show interest to certain boys I lked and they were either mean to me, took advantage of me or just plain apathetic towards me. I never had a boy express interest in me or have a crush on me. Ever and I feel its something wrong with me. I was reject many time throughout my teen years and just stopped showing interest in guys all together. Now I struggle with my deep fear of reject and feelings of inadequacy. I am inexperienced with guys, never been in a real realtionship and I have deveolped unhealthy obsessions with people and things to fill that void of loneliness.

My mom pities me. She doesn't understand why I am 25 and stay in the house all day. i don't socialize anymore. I'm online most of the time. I'm hiding from the world that has left me hurt. I dont know how to be strong. Can someone help me?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Lots of guys feel exactly like you do, for all the same reasons.

    Turn it around - what would you tell a guy who told you this same story? You'd tell him that his main problem was that he had a big lack of confidence, and no matter what he looked like, or how nice he dressed or how cool his car was, without some confidence, most women wouldn't be attracted to him (and that's true).

    The same is true for you. Your looks aren't the problem - guys have found you physically attractive. But you lacked self-confidence, and other people can pick up on that immediately, because your behavior and body language telegraph it almost instantly. And that undermined your attractiveness (no amount of boobs, butt, flat stomach, sexy clothes, etc. would fix it), and made some guys see you as a target for abuse - others were just not that interested.

    Try to imagine your female hero - no idea who it is, but let's say it's Angelina Jolie or Jennifer Lawrence. If someone called them a name or were mean to them, they'd call that guy out on it immediately. And if that guy ignored them or blew them off, they would confront him - right away, not after weeks. Why? Because they have CONFIDENCE, and they KNOW how men should treat and respect women, and they simply don't tolerate anything less.

    You could be exactly the same way - you just have to BELIEVE in yourself and CHOOSE to act that way. You don't, because you're afraid of people not liking you - you don't want to make anyone upset, or seem like YOU'RE the jerk. But here's the irony - the more you stand up for yourself, the MORE other people will like you. In fact, if you OCCASIONALLY hurt a few (deserving) people's feelings, then even MORE people will like you - because it will show that you have self-confidence, and THAT is what people find attractive.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Honestly, u just gotta let go of the past n surround urself with friends, go out, be happy, n find love eventually. Who cares if u started dating wen u were 15, a lot of gus actually like that, but ur unique, one of a kind, dnt let somethi g like that bum u out.


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What Guys Said 3

  • I had this same kind of social problem, but for very different reasons. My parents were divorced and just constantly moving, every few years. And my father was overseas. So I was bouncing all over the place school-wise. If I made some friends, they'd turn into long-distance friends in the following year or two. I was always a new student somewhere.

    And that was really confusing -- especially this transition period from elementary school to middle school. I went to a British private school in Singapore with during some part of my elementary school with uniforms up until middle school.

    Then when I arrived at middle school in the U. S., I showed up wearing like tight small shorts (not like down-to-the-knees, like soccer player) with a t-shirt and that's a really bad idea fashion-wise. The kids all thought I was funny and weird, I didn't understand this concept of "cliques" at all and didn't really seem to fit in any since I was kind of a nerd and athletic jock at the same time.

    So I just dodged people to avoid embarrassment. I stopped making friends whatsoever, didn't see the point anymore. And the proceeded all the way up until I graduated university (though for university I stayed in one school).

    After that, I finally broke out of my shell when I bumped into an acquaintance in a video store. He somehow thought highly of me for some reason (maybe just based on my performance in studies and sports) and invited me to a night club. Then I was just utterly shocked -- loud music, girls, so many people. And he introduced me to alcohol which gave me liquid courage. Then I got some addicted to that environment, even after the first time, because girls were talking to me (I never thought they would for my whole life).

    This is not a great story -- alcohol and clubs as my way of breaking out of my shell, but it worked. Then I made more friends, went to more social events other than bars and clubbing, started dating, having my calendar filled with things to do on weekends, kind of became a bit superficial, etc. I just kind of lived all sorts of things I missed in my youth. I was 24 years old at the time I finally broke out of my shell.

    I'd say you're overdue to break out of yours. I don't know how, but you have to put yourself out there somehow. My story is not inspirational -- I just wanted to share it as someone who has kind of been there, done that. It's very possible to go this late into your lifetime and turn into a social butterfly.

    • Now the trick for me to kind of turning everything around was, well, partially liquid courage. But when I stopped needing it, I realized the outcomes of doing things scary to me like socializing, talking to girls, were not so bad even when they were negative and not what I wanted. And I learned to kind of keep those outcomes low-risk (keep it light, friendly, easy, and a girl saying "she's busy" when asked to go out isn't some embarrassing rejection).

      Things of this sort. For me it helped to embrace a "whatever" mindset. A positive, glowing confidence doesn't come naturally to me, some sense of apathy does. "Whatever, I'm just going to talk to these people, I don't give a damn about the outcome." That kind of mindset always worked for me -- it's the closest thing I have to "confidence".

    • Argh sorry, I'm very tired -- made multiple mistakes and typos in the above post.

  • Well guys in high school are not the best examples of the male gender, but finding strength within is a tough thing to give advice on. It is a decision you have to make to not let the rejections of the past define your future. Sometimes the strength comes from the outside, but most of the time it is already inside you and maybe you just need someone or something to bring it forward in you

  • Read books about relationships? Since your in the house all day start there. Study up. You will see what mistakes you made. What to look out for in a man etc. message me I can send you some videos and things that will help with all this. I use to be like you. I know I am younger but everyone has to start somewhere. I use to not be able to not talk to a girl without losing my thought or getting nervous. I changed that and so can you!


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