I'm a shy girl who finds it hard to initiate conversation. What are some topics/questions I should ask on dates so I don't seem boring/uninterested?

At the moment I'm too scared to go on dates as I feel like if the conversation slows down I get awkward and can't think of anything to say which may make me come across as boring, uninterested, awkward or standoffish.. How can I relax on a date?


What Guys Said 1

  • Try having a more physical date initially. My little trick was amusement park.

    I was also shy (still am, but I've reached the point where I've tricked my friends into considering me the least shy person they know), and this did wonders for me.

    Since my nerves are all wracked when I meet a girl on a date, I find that kind of thrill of some physical activity makes us both kind of get the heart-thumping and maybe some kind of adrenaline rush.

    It's often easy as the heart slows down to shift gears to a state that's light-hearted, maybe even a bit of laughter, if not for him, then maybe at least for you. Then that kind of emotional state can make you more calm, relaxed, maybe ready for a dinner date where you two just talk. I also find it easy, or maybe I've just been lucky, to start holding hands at this point.

    In any case, I'm not sure how well this works for people who aren't shy, working up internal struggles to just interact with another human being. For me, it really helped a lot.

    The physical activity and fun and exhilaration is kind of the ice-breaker.

    • As for the mental side, for me, the closest thing I can get to "confidence" is "apathy", to divorce yourself from strong feelings about outcomes (letting go of fears of failures, but likewise letting go of some hopes of success). Don't know about you, but that was always my way of doing something I was afraid to do social. "Whatever, I'll just do it. If it turns out bad, no biggie."

What Girls Said 1

  • People say this all the time and have this problem.

    The way I see it is it doesn't work like that, i. e. people don't tell you what to talk to people about. You come up with questions by having *genuine interest* in someone. If there are not things you naturally want to know or talk about with someone, then that sounds like you're not interested in them or not *interested enough* to want to get to know them. Whenever you're dating someone and not asking them about themselves, they think you're not interested... and they have a good reason to think that. You might not lack interest, but you're far more interested in yourself and how you feel than you are in that person. And when you're firing off prepared questions, it shows and it's still boring and too formal, not natural.

    I'd say one of two things:

    1) Go out with someone you're interested enough in and click enough with that conversation naturally flows. Be selective about dates or maybe go out with guys you have talked to so many times that the date wouldn't be lame "getting to know you" convo.

    2) If you really have such an issue that you can't think well on dates, think about what interests you about this person and what you want to know about him days or hours before the date, and then ask that person. If you can't do this, you don't need to go out with this person. I know a lot of people see nothing wrong with going out with strangers who just come up to them and ask them out or who they go up to and ask out, but I never go out with strangers BECAUSE I KNOW I never have any real interest in them (and because that's not the safest thing in the world, as a woman). If I am not that interested in you, then, no, I'm not going to be able to think of anything to talk to you about unless you're a great conversationalist. I'm not about to spend two hours forcing the generic "what do you do for fun" type of garbage for convo.

    If you think about it, what do people--especially girls--do when they like someone? They try to find out stuff about the person behind their back, and they watch the person and draw conclusions about them! You're naturally interested; you don't have to invent questions.

    Essentially, my 1 and 2 say go out with guys you already kind of know, because that will help out on the dates. You'll date less, but you'll have higher-quality dates and relationships this way. And it's okay to have silence on the date--it's just 50% of the date doesn't need to be that.