We usually get on really well. I feel like we understand each other. At the beginning of our relationship he used to swear only occasionally and when the situation really warranted it. Now whenever we are arguing, I try my best to stay composed, rational and refrain myself from saying something hurtful. He on the other hand, starts yelling and screaming and often reduces me to tears and render me speechless. He is an engineer and I am a hairstylist so he thinks my opinion doesn't matter and he is the only smart person in the house.
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I was never this bad, but I had a bit of a temper problem when I was younger and would often distance myself when confronted in relationships.
The way I broke out of it was to see relationships as boxing, funnily enough. The intuitive move when an opponent throws a punch is to step back, but that's how you lose your footing, get backed into a corner, and bad things happen. We usually want to do that when we're confronted in a relationship, distance ourselves. It took me a while but I started being able to resist that temptation, to do the opposite, side step and move forward, to hug and gently figure out what's wrong.
Maybe you can try to explain this to him. When he's caught up in those moments, he needs to slow down, breathe, and do exactly the opposite of what he thinks he should do. If he can get the hang of that, you two will be able to keep a gentle relationship with constant communication and a lot of trust in each other.
He might just be an abusive jerk, beyond hope, but this can help.0