She's playing the field but still seems interested in me?

One of my friends made a move on me in September and after an initial fling which lasted 3 weeks she went cold on me. We slept together a few times and went out on a countryside walk together, It was perfect. But the cold treatment came about and caused me to panic. I admitted my like for her her after one of my friends told me that she liked me and got the dreaded red flag. I then learned to believe that her ex boyfriend came back into town for university and she hadn't let things go with him. I stayed friends with her but found it very difficult to remove my emotional attachment. Then came New year, I decided a few days before to get some space from her but after a night with another lad she actually said that she liked me and said she's confused and can't commit to me at the moment at the risk of ruining it.

At the moment we both talk at the weekends, We both always respond to each other and pickup the phone when each other rings. We haven't really spent any time alone for a while but we both have busy lives. The ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend now. I know she is on tinder and has slept with a few other lads, but I've been seeing other girls and she knows about it. She asked me if I want to go to Berlin with her and a few of our other friend next month (this could mean anything). Any advice on what the whole situation is about and how to get about it. I love her (I think she knows it) but whilst ex boyfriends are hovering about in the early stages and me acting a bit needy early on has made a mess of things. At the moment things are a lot more comfortable between us and I want to know how to win her over when the time is right?

Also, I'm thinking of sending her a quirky anonymous valentines gift. I'm a spontaneous, crafty person. Is this a good idea?
Last Friday she texted me saying "I miss you, like a lot". The last time I talked to her by text was 6 days before and in person 2 weeks before. I just told her she's being silly and she said she keeps going from fine to miserable every day since her birthday (about the time our fling ended). Any ideas or advice?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think that if things are more comfortable now between the two of you that's a great step and maybe right now the best thing you guys can do is enjoy each other's company and friendship and see where that leads to in the future. But for the time being I think it's better not to be worried about the future that much, keep the expectations low, and see how you guys get along in these circumstances. What can get you together in the future may depend on the type of bond you build now.


Most Helpful Guy

  • The cool thing is you recognized you were being needy and now you can change that if you haven't already.

    If you've already agreed to go, then go. But bring another girl you've been seeing along so that she can soak up some of your attention. You need to try your best to detach from this girl emotionally for the time being. For multiple reasons. You're too invested and because of that you were reacting emotionally to everything she said or did. You need to get away from doing that and get your emotions under control for your own sanity.

    Also, being less invested in her when you two aren't together is more attractive. I'm glad to hear you didn't stop dating so you definitely have that in your favor and should use it.

    I know you like this girl, but from her position you're just a guy who is very available whenever she wants you and because she doesn't have to chase you she won't. She knows she can see how things work out with these exes she has and if all else fails she can come to you for that consolation prize.

    That's not to say she doesn't like you. She does. You're probably fun and the sex was pretty good. But you set yourself up in a position where she is on a pedestal and you have to chase her.. you gotta change that. Knock her off that pedestal in your mind.

    She is not an angel. She's a human being that is imperfect. She eats, sleeps and shits just like you. Yes, she shits out of that perfectly formed ass of hers. Vivid enough picture? Good! Use that.

    That's a new perspective for you to look at this situation. It will help you if you choose to use it.

    • Don't send her a Valentines gift either

    • Brilliant post! I'm going to put it on my home page so I can read it every time I think about messaging her Haha!!

    • Lol glad I could help

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Cut your losse and move on!

    • If only things were that simple!

      Bear in mind that this girl is a friend, she is in our circle and I can't get away from her without having to cut loose my friends. Which we will all agree is a very bad idea. Also, with having feelings for her it's very difficult to switch off emotions for her.

      At the moment I'm completely career focused, I am not looking to meet another girl just yet and it took me all my life to meet a girl I liked as much as her so it could take years to meet another one.

      It is easy to say Move On from an external perspective because your life is unaffected by it but generally when the situation is a bit messed up how on earth can I just "Move on"

    • I am sorry why would you even get involved with anyone in your circle of friends. Use common sense. You can't eat and poop in the same places. haha I am sorry mate. And I don't know what to tell you. Your just going to have to cope the best you can. Believe me i have my share of rejection and of course it hurts and I had to see him everyday but you grow up and you move. Think of this girl as a big obstacle in order to meet your future special girlfriend. And thats that. U know (: You can't force love to happen it just does. If it doesn't work you have to learn how to cope like with school work. for ex. You really want to go party but instead you do your work because it best. And you try to comprimse etc. You had to cope sometimes. (: I am sorry I sound insentive. I go through so many question haha! I really need to slow down. I am sorry again mate. Cheer up. When your done with hw watch cartoon... go outside and play a sport... get your body moving and forget your problem eve

    • even if its just for a little while. (: wish you luck!

  • wait till the ex's have fucked off haha then she'll have a clear head.. if her friend says she likes you, you'll naturally already have an upper hand but first, try subtle hints and flirting in berlin (if you go) and see how she responds to that


What Guys Said 2

  • Seems like she isn’t ready to settle down or she has a fear of commitment. I’ve been seeing a lot of this lately. Women running from man to man because they are afraid to get hurt or close and things like Tinder make it easy to get that quick “emotional” fix. I always say women like this have dicks swirling around their heads. There is always a handful of guys “swirling” around them waiting for their chance. To some guys (probably you and the exs hanging around), women like this create an insecurity in you that pushes your drive to “have her”. You are in chase mode which elevates your feelings of desire for her.
    At this point you have two options; A) walk away and find someone who appreciates you or if you want to play games….
    B) The ONLY way to handle a girl like this is to stop chasing. You give her the security she needs by being there for her when she cannot do the same in return right now. I know you say you love her but I really question that. Put the insecurity back on her and make her chase you. It is hard, it is emotionally painful but if my hunch is right and stop making it easy for her to use you emotionally…she will seek you out.

  • Unless you're sending valentines gifts to all the girls in your 3rd grade class, then don't give one to anybody but your girlfriend.