Says he only wants to be friends, but I feel he acts like more than that?

He's I guy I used to date. When we text we sometimes end up flirting but he maintains that friendship is for the best between us. I have no objections to this.

But when I see him in person, it's always a different story. He's animated, he jokes a little, sometimes makes a flirt remark or two. And if he feels I need a hug, he offers one and will rub my back gently as he does.

He messes around with my younger sister and picks her up and will spin her around. He jokes around with me (sometimes a little harshly) and has a laugh with us. Sometimes I feel there's something more there. Just don't get why he holds back.


  • He's still into you despite what he says
    Vote A
  • He's probably just being friendly
    Vote B
  • This is him just being civil
    Vote C
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What Girls Said 1

  • A lesson I learned the hard way - men say what they mean. If he wants to be just friends and he has told you that, then that is wha he wants.
    He probably cares about you a lot, you probably fill a bit of a need for closeness that many men are lacking but unless he's pursuing you, it would be better for you and your friendship to think of it as just that and move on.
    If he wants more, he'll make sure you know.

    • But... why breach into physical contact then? How does that help me see him as a friend exactly. Exes who are friends surely shouldn't be touching in the first place.

    • It can be very hard to be completely hands off with someone you used to date/be intimate with, that's part of the reason so many people end up going back and sleeping with the ex. Once you've had totally freedom and access with someone, you can't just turn it off.
      Also for men, a lot of the time they don't have a lot of people they are touchy feely with so it's just plain nice to have hugs and cuddles and etc from someone they care abouy.
      Don't get me wrong, I think he still cares about you very much or he wouldn't be hanging around but he probably thinks that because he already made it clear he wants to be just friends, that you won't misinterpret his actions.
      Just be careful not to keep pushing because you might make it easy to take advantage and turn yourself into a friend with benefits, which is fine if that's -all- you want. Good luck!

    • I guess you're right there. The thing is? We never had total access to each other completely as we never had sex. I guess you're right with that as well. I don't really receive many cuddles myself, so getting one (especially from him) it's sometimes just what I need. Yeah, I won't keep pushing. I know that if anything did begin to develop, we'd start as friends with benefits. If we got intimate again though, we'd become a couple, because I know us. The one thing we never talk about and we explicitly avoid? Is kissing. Because we both know that would be the one fatal thing that would bond us together again.