When a girl doesn't want to be with you, yet?

A girl I'm friends with initiated a fling with me after a music festival weekend with all our friends. I liked her for the year that I knew her, she claims she didn't know but I think she must have had an idea. We spent 3 weeks texting each other all day, hanging out together at each others houses and slept together twice. After a night out with our friends she told my best friend who lives near her that she likes me and doesn't want to mess things up. I heard this a week later and decided to ask her to be my girlfriend but she said "I don't want a relationship because I've not been out of one very long". She was being cold with me around this time and I think that the ex boyfriend was still talking to her, not 100% on this. After that I felt confused and insecure and told her that I think I've fallen in love with her. I then stopped talking as regularly and tried to move on. I accidentally ignored one of her texts and she asked me on Facebook messenger "why are you ignoring me". I told her I didn't notice her text and that I needed space and she said "it's not you, I'm busy with my work and college, I'll have so much more time after Christmas". On our annual Christmas bar crawl I got blackout drunk and confessed my love for her in an overly emotional way. She got me a taxi home and asked how I was in the morning. I felt so rubbish that I ended up saying to her that I can't take anymore and we need to stop talking, she told me "why is it that every time we get close you ditch me, it's hurting my feelings". I stayed in contact and she still was clear that she didn't want a boyfriend. Then new year came, I stayed at a family members house and in the morning she rang me asking for a lift home from town, she had seen another guy. I didn't have my car on me and had plans for the day, when she got home she opened up to me and told me she likes me but is too unstable at the minute to commit to me.

Question completed in updates...

Last week we got into a bit of an argument, I got tired of her cancelling plans last minute and avoiding us two spending any alone time. I said to her we need to go back to only seeing each other with friends. She got angry with me and said, "what happens if I start liking you properly and you just go and ditch me again". I will admit I haven't been the best guy in the world, nor has she been the best girl. She was also dating other guys but that has seemed to stop. I have dated other girls.
The reason why I'm so addicted to her is because she ticks every box for me, my interest level is way in the high 90s for her. The other girls I've dated just aren't her. She isn't a super model or anything and some of my friends actually call her ugly but she is gorgeous in my eyes. She is also the first girl I've properly fallen for. Any advice on what this means or if I should have any hope. I like her as a friend as much as a love interest so I can't cut her loose.


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What Girls Said 1

  • If she doesn't want to be involved there's nothing you can do.

    • Any advice on why she says she likes me and doesn't want to lose me. And not deny anything in the future if she doesn't want to be involved with me. If I wasn't interested in a girl and she wanted to move on completely from me, I would let her. So why does she try to keep me close. She isn't using me for emotional support or making me do favors for her, she's done more favors for me. So confusing!

    • Show All
    • After only 6 days of no contact with this girl she texted me saying she misses me, a lot. I said "don't be silly" but she said that she keeps going from happy to miserable every day or so since her birthday, which was about the time our fling ended. I said a couple of weeks ago that I have moved on now and want a simple relationship and I only see her as a friend now. Any advice?

    • She's not a nice girl, if that's what you are asking.

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