I'm convinced my boyfriend would be happier with a white girl?

Okay, so I am half black and half white. I was raised on the white side of my family, and therefore identify with white culture.

Now, I have struggled with self identity issues for a long time, starting from about 4th grade. So I started straightening my hair to fit in with white girls. This helped, so I happily kept it up until almost two years ago, when I got sick of it and decided to go natural.

Cutting my hair off and letting my curls out was probably the best decision of my life. I finally felt like what I was, Mulatto, and I gained a lot of self confidence.

This, however, changed recently when I met my current boyfriend of about 6 months. He is Korean (SOUTH, don't even think about making a North Korean joke -_-), and he says that I am the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, and that he fell in love when he first saw me.

But, the other day we were talking about our celebrity crushes (this was a mistake on my part) and he said he liked this woman (I forgot her name) but anyway, she's white. That's not a huuuuge deal, I didn't really care that much. Then the other day when we were at the laundromat waiting for laundry to get done, and we're looking at magazines. All of a sudden, he kept saying that some girls were really pretty, and I looked, and they were all white. I noticed that he seemed to have a type... white girls. So, it started kind of bugging me inside.

Eventually he admitted that when he first came to the states he liked white girls, because in Korea they're considered really beautiful. But then he said that he wishes I would stop worrying because he likes me and chose me, and that I'm kind and beautiful and he doesn't want anyone else.

So, what can I do to take my boyfriend's words to heart more? How can I gain confidence so that I can stop feeling inferior to white girls? Thanks!!
Hey all!!

A quick update to this question:

I have now come to terms with everything, thanks to all of you. What I was thinking was really silly, and I didn't know how to handle it, so I made this post. But most of you were really kind and offered great advice that allowed me to find a solution to my problem rather quickly, so I'm so happy and really grateful!!!

So a quick thank you to everyone who posted a response, and hopefully I can help you guys in the future too!!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Listen to what he says and observe how he treats you.
    I'm a white guy and while most girls I could rattle off whom I like are white, there are PLENTY of girls of all races and ethnicities that I see throughout the day who are drop dead gorgeous and who I'd date in a heartbeat!
    It has more to do with the individual person than the group as a whole, I've been super attracted to black chicks before, though in general I wouldn't say that I am. I briefly dated an Indian chick who was HOTTT, though I wouldn't say I'm necessarily attracted to Indian chicks in general.
    Same for other races as well. And believe me, white chicks aren't given a pass just based on their whiteness, even with them it depends on the individual person.

    He probably wouldn't be with you if he wasn't physically attracted to you, regardless of your ethnicity.
    Hell, he might think of you as being exotic, something kind of rare / uncommon (comparatively speaking, to the sea of "purebreeds" of any ethnicity that exists in the United States)

    • He treats me like a Queen, I am honestly so spoiled... which is why I hate that I think this way, I just don't know how to change, you know?

      I really liked what you said about it being about the individual. I will stop thinking of people as groups, and I think that will help a lot.

      Thank you so much Lovelinefan!! :D

    • Happy to help. And for what it's worth, based on your profile pic I'd say you look spicy hot as well! He's a lucky guy, and the curly / natural hair looks good on you.
      You don't need to worry, you've got the looks to take race entirely out of the equation ;-)

    • Wow, thank you so much!!! I read everyone's comments over and over again yesterday, and I feel so much better today. I can't understand why I was being so silly!! :D
      Have a great day, and thanks again <3

Most Helpful Girl

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What Guys Said 12

  • . I was raised on the white side of my family, and therefore identify with white culture.

    weird thing to say

    you essentially seem to equate whiteness with superiority and therein lies your problem. don't ever compare yourself and you'll be fine.

    • I don't think that is a weird thing to say, as everyone latches onto the culture that they grew up in.
      I didn't have any connection to the black side of my family (such a shame... I wish it had been different) and therefore, I have trouble participating in the culture without feeling like a "poser" at times. So all that I was saying is that even though I "feel" white, I can't be white. And that's where the identity stuff came in. It's gotten a lot better though, since I cut my hair!

      I do understand what you mean though, and I seem to be doing just that. I'm not sure where I got the idea that whites are superior, but I'm going to do myself a favor and stop comparing myself to whole ethnic groups, as well as thinking one group is better than another.

      Thanks for being honest, your comment helped me a lot :)

    • Show All
    • @thewanderingme Something very, very interesting to me is that whenever I say "white culture" people say what you said, but if I say "Black culture," "Mexican culture" etc, nobody bats an eye.
      Granted it may vary depending on location, I grew up with a *version* of white culture, and calling it silly is really really ignorant, especially since that's the culture I identify with, and it exists.

    • it's you that's actually being ignorant, but that's not my problem. I wasn't trying to be rude or insulting. be and belong to whatever you want. babye.

  • You need to grow up... all these girls in magazines and films don't matter...

    He told you that he likes you and choose you... So be happy about it... And forget your insecurity...

    • And you are preety cute.. too :-D

    • All of these statements are too true... I should be mature and trust him!!!
      Wow, thank you so much! Hahaha
      Have a good day and thanks again

  • Just be you honestly be confident maybe just let be you. White girls will do what they do just let him see what makes you different and the girl he's in love with.

    Side note: mixed ethnicities especially ones mixed with Asians look sexy xD have fun with some effing sexy beautiful kids if you get that far lol. (oh and I'm also like your S/O S. Korean so I'm speaking from my own experince of having half Asian half other ethnicities as friends.) now have a nice day miss ^w^/)

    • True! I can only be myself :D
      I feel a lot better today after reading all of these. You and everyone else helped a lot!!!

      Ahahaha he talks about that sometimes too!! We tried to google "half Korean half Mulatto babies" but alas... there were no results lol.
      Oh, you're Korean too? Nice! Thanks for your input!! :)

    • https://www.youtube.com/user/lilylee55/videos hey if it helps check out this youtuber it might boost the you guys lol and your welcome for all the help.

      On the other hand there's no garentee the child of you two will be perfect one third so there's a chance of really cool cute look lol just the honest fact that its korean, white, and Black. So if you have a kid he or she might have small traits if its ideal maybe from all three races. o. o just be sure to tell your kid that they are unique and that there's nothing wrong of course being more than one race and that they should take pride in it as I hope you do.

    • Wow, I watched some of her videos and it helped so much!!!
      And her kids are fuckin adorable!!! I'll show my boyfriend, I'm sure he will be happy to see this too.
      I'm not sure how they will look, but regardless, parents can't judge their children like that, so I'll just love them anyway ;D

      As someone who is mixed myself, I will be sure to do a much much better job than my Mom did in preparing them for the outside world (as far as being mixed is concerned). We will see what's gunna happen I guess! Hahaha


  • "Now, I have struggled with self identity issues for a long time"

    This is the so called beauty of interracial relationships so many people are talking about and then calling me a racist because I support true racial diversity with every race preserving it's racial beauty and identity and culture.

    • Well, if we're going there, the reason why I have identity issues is actually at the fault of people who didn't let me into their circle when I was young. Unfortunately, they were white. Culture should not be tied to ethnicity, as it is something learned, not hardwired into our DNA. Once we fix that, people will be able to just grow up as people and not have to worry!
      As a bonus point, my sister who is also Mulatto doesn't have any identity issues at all, so it's not everyone who goes through this. :)
      Thanks for your opinion!!

    • Show All
    • many people struggle with identity issues over a lot more than just race.

      don't make lame excuses, you are being racist.

    • @thewanderingme I am racist because I love my people and want to preserve my beautiful identity? Wow. thats very smart of you. You're programming works perfect. I suggest you go learn some words that you didn't learn from your marxist school teacher. Maybe then we can discuss in equal terms. Now goodbye, anti white bigot.

  • Biracial girls are almost universally gorgeous. He likes you for you. Accept love.

    • Awww thanks for sayin so!
      I'm trying quite hard, but I end up thinking that white girls are better in the end.
      Maybe if I keep focusing on positive aspects of myself I can gain confidence?
      Anyway, thanks a bunch!! :)

    • White girls are better in the end? WTF!

    • I know, I know... it's just that when I was young, I was often rejected by white guys because I didn't look white enough. So, it's hard to change your mindset after going through stuff like that.
      I'm in the process of healing though! I just needed more advice which is why I posted this question :) Anyway, thanks again for your help.

  • Take his word for it. He thinks your are the best looking for him

    • Thanks... he is so sweet, and I really want to believe it. But white girls are so beautiful, so it's hard to have confidence sometimes. :(
      Anyway, thanks for your answer! I'll do my best!!

  • It's a good thing to know that crazy comes in all colours.

    • I don't think that this is considered crazy in the slightest.
      I didn't do anything harmful, yell, or blame him for my feelings.
      I simply noticed a flaw in myself (on my own) and decided to ask for opinions on healthy ways to deal with this.
      Not everyone can be perfect all the time, and even though I am generally quite confident, sometimes I hit low points.
      I have since dealt with the issue internally (without bringing my boyfriend into it) and have accepted what happened and moved on, thanks to the other people here who decided to try and help me rather than post nonsense like you decided to do.
      Thank you for thoroughly wasting my time (and yours at that), and I hope that the next time you comment on someone's ask that you at least consider trying to provide a reasonable response.

  • Trust him and look to how he treats you, since actions speak louder than words.

    And also understand that having a preference for one thing doesn't mean you don't like anything else. Example: my favorite food is Mexican. If you ask me what I want, I'll pick Mexican food more often than anything else. That doesn't mean I dislike Chinese, or that I'll turn you down if you suggest going to the local Chinese place for dinner.

    Same thing applies to physical attractiveness in women. At least for me. I have my preference (dark haired white girls), but there are plenty of girls who don't fit that description who I still find beautiful.

    • Wow, this is great logic. I definitely didn't approach it this way, but it makes a lot of sense. I think it's difficult for anyone to have a strict exclusive type looking at it this way, and that makes me feel more confident.
      Thank you sosososo much! :D


    • I'm not really sure what I just read to be perfectly honest! Hahahah

      But if you said something helpful and I just didn't catch it, thank you!

  • You should probably see a shrink.


    • Ahahahaha oh dear... maybee... :')
      Although, I do feel a lot differently today then I did yesterday when I posted this question! I think I was just having a low point. Happens to the best of us doesn't it?

      Anyway, thanks for your input! lol

  • Perhaps if there were -masses - of biracial girls in the magazines, he'd be pointing some of them out.

    Given how the media works, the magazines were probably just showing 90% white girls to begin with, so that's who he was choosing from.

    When he says you are the most beautiful girl he's ever seen, you should probably accept that as close enough to the truth and move on.

    • Hmmmm... yeah I guess that's true isn't it? There are much more white girls in magazines that anyone else. But celebrities are celebrities I guess. It makes no sense to be jealous over someone he will never meet.

      I will accept it from now on, as sincerely as possible, and enjoy our relationship as it is :)
      Thanks!!! I appreciate it!!

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What Girls Said 4

  • you need to feel that you are his chosen one. that puts you above everyone else. you have to trust him.

    • I have finally come to terms with it!!! Posting this question was a great idea, all of you were so helpful <3
      Thanks a bunch chica!

  • If he didn't find u attractive he wouldn't be dating you so don't worry, be happy 😊

    • Ahahaha true!!!
      Thank you so much, I will try and be happier from now on! I really love him, so I want to focus on more positive things rather than this silly stuff.

  • Learn to love yourself

    • It's a process but I'm getting there!!!

      Thanks :D

  • You need selfconfidence.

    • Well I have been going to the gym for several weeks now, so once I start seeing those results, I'm sure that will help too. :)

      Thanks, I'll try!

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