Is it ok for your significant other to text/call, receive text/calls from an opposite sex friend you've never met/hardly know anything about at 3-4am?

Is it ok for my fiancé to get calls/texts from a girl I've never met, only seen once in a pic he has of her on his phone (he said she was "gorgeous"), and didn't know about her until a year of dating (2.5 together now)? oh and during a fight about all of it, he said "she was there before you, she'll be there after you"... I've always felt that when you are in a relationship, communication with someone of the opposite sex in the middle of the night is 99% going to be shady situations. (Oh and she lives in Atlanta and we are here visiting and i just saw where she called him last night at 4am.) So am I in the wrong for being upset about their relationship?

  • Not shady, you are over reacting...
    Vote A
  • Your relationship is being disrespected and they are over stepping boundaries...
    Vote B
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Oh did I mention he deletes all his texts, from quite a few people but not all. He hangs off the side of the bed first thing in the morning checking his phone, he holds his left hand in the way to shield the screen when we are in the car or on the bed, he closes his screens quickly every time I look towards his phone... If it was one thing, then I could understand. Yet there's so many alarm bells. But I can't bring anything up bc I "don't trust him" and I'm messed up in the head...


Most Helpful Girl

  • No, it is not okay for your significant other to give boyfriend treatment to another woman. Boyfriend treatment is a set of behavior that should strictly be reserved for a girlfriend. Things like keeping someone's picture on your phone or calling them at 3 a. m. on a regular basis are apart of boyfriend treatment.

    Not only that but his entitled, rude ultimatum where he tells you to accept and respect his disrespect and tacky inconsideration towards your feelings is disgusting. If he is so concerned about a "friend" who was there before the woman in his life and will be there after, then maybe he is not fit to be in a relationship. What the hell kind of fiancé or highly valuable significant other has the nerve to tell his WIFE TO BE that another woman will be there AFTER HER? That is COMPLETELY disrespectful. Men (and women) who have "friendships" that are so close that they're questionable and expect their significant other to accept it with a smile are insensitive dumb fucks of an idiot. -_-

    You are not in the wrong. In fact, you handled the situation pretty well. I would have ripped him a new asshole if he was my fiancé and said something like that to me.

    • I also would have given up his little friend a call and asked "Who the hell are you and why are you calling my fiancé at 4 a. m?"

    • Show All
    • This morning when he woke up he kept asking me what was wrong, why I seemed mad all the time now. He kept trying to get me to say something, he was trying to see if I knew she called him. Guilty actions. I just kept my mouth shut. I'm 5 hrs from home and don't want a huge fight over it.

    • I think it would be best for you to be straightforward and completely honest by saying, "You are causing a problem in our relationship. What you are doing is disrespectful considering I am your fiancé and I do not appreciate having to deal with another woman in our relationship."

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What Girls Said 5

  • it's not the calling at 3 am that's the issue, the issue is the way he's behaving and handling it. he's acting super shady about it. that doesn't sound like a good thing :/ and it's not respectful to you!

    • And this is just a small snippet. I've found his ex girlfriend messaging him on FB to see "how he's doing" (he said its bc his sister got in trouble and it was in the newspaper, that his ex was just concerned over it)... Coincidentally she had just recently become single.

      I used to pay for both our phones. Shortly after a bunch of shady stuff went down, he ditched his phone on my account (left me with 3 months of contract left on it, had to still pay for it) and got his own phone with a new number (and a bill I can't track now).

  • No one in a relationship should be getting texts or calls at 4am unless it's from a family member. Whatever it was that she wanted could've waited til the next day. And for him to say that whole "she was there before you" cap was foul. I don't think you're overreacting at all.

  • I'd definitely think he were cheating and I can't believe he said that to you. He obviously cares about her more than you. I'd dump his ass. What a dick

  • No, it's not ok. if he was my boyfriend I would yell at him and don't talk to him all the days

  • The way he is acting definitely shows that he's doing something he doesn't want you to find out. So it's safe to say he's cheating. There is no reason he would hide his phone and delete texts if he wasn't. And by the way, if he's your fiancé there shouldn't be an "after you". You're supposed to spend the rest of your life together but judging from what he said about "she'll be there after you" he obviously doesn't believe that's going to happen. The guy sounds like a complete douchebag to be honest. Dump him.