Do you think change should come with relationships?

Im a believer in Aréte, a lifelong struggle to adapt and become the best version of you that you can be - though I've hit a philosophical rock. We often talk about men and women changing us in relationships. I see comments riddled throughout this forum about, "never changing yourself for anyone!"

But what if some change in relationships is necessary, or prior to, as it builds character and molds one into a different person down the road. Maybe rather than sit back and take the, "I don't need to change my dressing style/self esteem/money in my wallet/etc. to impress her/him - I just need to be myself!" We allow change to happen to impress someone, and interm, inlock new sides to ourselves we never thought we had?

We all say, "I'm only human, I'm not perfect," then why not strive for the perfection were missing.

But it at the same time I think, well adapting certain traits can be demoralizing and exonerating intuitions that aren't necessarily au current, or healthy, is not a decent practice of the positive individual. Dating in relationships teaches you about your standards and who you're looking for.

I want to know how you clarify these two philosophies, what is a decent change, and what is not.
  • I agree more with the adaptability clause
    Vote A
  • I lean more towards the self acceptance clause
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't it's so much "change" but "adjusting" instead.

    No one should expect a partner to "change" in a relationship, but instead each partners attributes, whether pro or con, should "adjust" to the relationship itself.

    So say I like football a lot and go to almost every match I can in the season... I should be able to realise that my partner would like to go somewhere she'd like instead... I should be able to change my timetable to accommodate it - regardless of clashes.

    A relationship is a partnership, of course.

    • Fascinating, thank you.

      Say your not in a relationship, and you have feelings for a niche of women that you know, generally likes a more fit body type than you have, is it wise, in that instance, to acquire a gym membership to attempt to change that about yourself, even though you may feel comfortable in your own skin?

    • Only if you're getting the gym membership for yourself, as in you're working to get a better body for yourself and no one else... Otherwise that woman isn't good for you.

      You should check out this Coach called Corey Wayne on Youtube. He speaks a lot about this stuff better than I ever could.

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What Girls Said 1

  • honestly I feel and think that no one has a right to ask for change or should change in a relationship after all the person who is with you knew from the start your character
    and if that person didn't know or notice some bad qualities clearly they need change


What Guys Said 1

  • Life is one big grey area, there is no true self. You will always be changing, whether it's in your own best interests or the compromises for others, that's just how it goes.

    • So what are the limits of your adaptability, at your present age, what can you change to fit the niche of women you wish to seek?

    • Again, there is no way to ground this into an exact science. This is much more about how you "feel" internally, if you change to the point where there is a bit of self loathing, you need to reconsider your decisions. But if you're in a relationship, you want to date someone with similar interests than you, as you'll spending a lot of time together and don't want to come into too much conflict. Of course, you'll probably never meet someone who is into all the same activities as you, but just assess that you can deal trying new things with one another (even if you feel a minor reluctance to do so at times). Always keep these decisions between your own internal dialogue and the relationship between you and your partner, don't let your friends or family pressure you, you're the one with this person, not them. Unless of course they can see that this is very toxic for you, but regardless, your internal dialogue will give you the same thoughts.

    • Of course, the practicality of meshing this into a formula is next to impossible, I think you're right, the point of self loathing is probably where one should establish grounds for refurbishment.

      However, say you being to change in a way that seems intrinsicly superior to you, but friends begin to discipate because you've begun to take on a different characteristic?

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