My boyfriend constantly brings up my past and when I cheated on him?

I love my boyfriend and he loves me and we rarely fight but he constantly asks questions about my painful past and keeps trying to make me relive it to answer his stupid questions or he constantly brings up the time I flirted with another guy when we were going through a tough time. He always says that he's over it but he constantly brings it up and says "when you cheated on me I still loved you and I still love you now"... It makes me feel like I'm always going to be "the girlfriend who cheated on him" in his mind even though he says he's over it... It makes me feel so terrible and like he brings it up just to see how upset I get... Is he in the right to keep bringing it up? Will we ever be the couple that was meant to be? Is he eventually going to break up with me because he realizes that it bugs him so much?


Most Helpful Guy

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The first thing you should do is make an active effort for him to perceive you as trustworthy. Have you tried to gain his trust again? It is a long and difficult process, during which you need to make him feel secure. Whatever you feel you can do to make him feel like he is the only one for you - romantic gestures, sex, kind words - anything goes.
    Second, talk to him about it. Don't make it about you because it isn't. It was you who made these mistakes and it is up to you to make amends. Just be interested in what he has to say. Maybe he has suggestions for possible solutions. He has the right to feel the way he does.
    Once you regain his trust, things will be normal again. Good luck!


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  • He's very insecure and brings it up for reassurances that you love him. Next time it comes up I would just tell him "look, I want to be with you and love you but if you keep bringing up the past I don't think we can continue, and I know I can't continue to deal with it" if you need to you might even add "maybe it's better if we just started new with other people that couldn't hold anything over our heads forever!"


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