I don't have any chance with girls, how can I change? Are there only relationship guys and players?

So to start: I'm 20 years old and going to university. I think I have always been a littebit shy and introverted, and I have never had real friends. I was bullied at school for about 3 or 4 years. I have never had any contact with girls, because I was no player and because I felt inferior after I have been bullied.

Now I'm a student at a university, I'm happy with the subject I'm studying and I think that there will be good job opportunities for me. But I haven't had any good contact at university, which doesn't bother me at all, because I'm used to be alone a lot. Thankfully having friends is not very important for me, because I also need space and time for myself, but I lack a very important ability, which is having a small talk or making contact with random people. What is even more important to me is that I don't know how to talk to girls, no matter if it's just friendship, casual sex or a relationship.

Basically I don't want any expressions of sympathy or anything, what I eventually want are tips how to change this. I guess that I look quite average, not like a player and I'm not fat either. But how can I have more luck with girls? I have in the recent past gone out with some girls, we just drank a coffee or something, but what I noticed is that I don't have the ability to make jokes or the sense of humor, which is, from what I heared, very important for girls. And it's nice to drink a coffee with them, but I think every guy wants more that just drinking a coffee.

Are there many differences between guys who are "boyfriend material" and "player" material? What do I have to change? How can I have a sense of humor?


Most Helpful Guy

  • You're an introvert, nothing wrong with that. I'm an ambivert, so Im blessed with both perspectives.

    Talking to people is a skill that you need to practice just like anything else. Also, don't let anyone try to tell you that it is only a natural ability or anything stupid like that. I assure you that's not true. It's a science that can be learned, practiced, and mastered.

    It's all just a game. People in general are extremely selfish by nature. Half the battle is literally just letting people talk about themselves, which they love to do. Just ask questions and pretend like you're interested haha... easy.

    When it comes to women, it's all about confidence... that's what it boils down to. If you aren't naturally confident, then you can learn how to fake it to the point that it starts to work for you, and then you DO become naturally confident.

    Read some books about seduction and then get out there and start practicing... there's no way around that. Don't be afraid of rejection... who cares what she thinks about you. Just be yourself and have fun. You'll start to notice that conversations have a flow, patterns, and certain "energies. It's up to both people to keep that conversation alive, and you'll get a better feel for this with practice.

    Your own mind and fear is the only thing holding you back man. Step outside your comfort zone and just take a leap and go for it. The worst that can happen is she says no. Then fine... on to the next one. Sometimes you'll have to deal with bitches who will laugh or whatever, but that's all part of the experience. Don't let it get to you... you can't. That shit doesn't bother confident guys, and that's who you need to be to start having success. I've personally been rejected by literally hundreds of girls, but ya know what? I've also slept with around 60 girls, and I've had 4 long term relationships. I used to be shy, nervous, etc. around girls and i never got laid. Now i don't give a flying fuck... I'll walk up to a group of girls and half the time i don't even know what the hell I'm saying... just on autopilot. And it pays off because now girls come to me instead. Most of it really is just a numbers game... the more you approach, the higher your chance of success.

    So read up on it and learn a few techniques, but ultimately you're just gonna have to man-up and get out there and do it. Good luck man

    • Hey man, thank you very much for your comment, it means a lot to me. There is one question: what means confidence? first you have to know what confidence means. And I think your answer is more directed to people who want to hook up. Then you have to be "an asshole" as how I read it and heared it. How can I fake confidence?

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What Guys Said 1

  • Join some groups/clubs and meet some people.