Irrational and mentally abusive guy. What should I do?

I've been with my boyfriend for going on 8yrs. We started dating when we were 17 he was my first and is the only and i got pregnant 7 months in. All throughout the years he's been violent and verbally abusive. We now have 2 kids together. I have never been in love w/him but fiercely loyal and honest. he's always had a wandering eye. Never cheated but has always look up people on sites. When i catch him he then turns it around and says in home alone how does he know im not cheating. Im home all day with 1or both kids 24/7. He works in morning and gets home by 2:45. Long story short he won't let me go and we have kids together and threatens to take kids from me because my fam is crap and i dont work or have a cent to my name. I haven't told him how i truly feel for fear of what would happen to kids. He would choose me over them and i them over him. He doesn't even watch them just sends them to his grandma who has ms and has the maturity level of a teen she's 54. He tends to shout and break everything. Even if i dont want to take kids away from him but dont want to live in state we are in. But he always says mean rude comments like how he truly feels about me but only says these things when mad. He claims he loves me so much and would never let me go and would die then will say all i have to say is i dont want to be with him and thats that. But then will automatically assume it would be because of another man. He will have a dream of me cheating then wake up and treat me like i cheated. He drinks and smokes cigs a lot. My family always says just leave but its not that simple. he's just too irrational. There's so much more but what should i do. Never had experience with others. Never liked sex with him he's made me hate it. Im soley dependant on him because he's made it where i dont work and if i say i want to he says its cause i want to f*ck my male coworkers. Need opinions.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I am sorry to hear you are going through this. First, you need to file a police report with the help of any witnesses to add validity to your claims. Say that you plan to leave, but he threatens you with violence when doing so. Say he is also extremely possessive. From here you need to file for a restraining order. Then make arrangements to leave. Have friends or family come to your house when he's at work and gather all your belongings and your children. Take everything you need! You don't want an excuse to walk back into that house. Next stay at a friends or families' house without informing your boyfriend. If he wishes to see your children allow him to do so under supervision (have your mom and dad come with you) and in a neutral area like a mall where he can't make a scene with lot's and lot's of witnesses. Don't tell him where you're staying. Since you two have been living together for more then 6months (I am guessing) the state will see you two as married. You will need to file for full custody of your children informing the courts that he is unfit to be a care provider. If you have any difficulties with these things simply call your police department or a local lawyer who can perhaps give you some free legal advice, and inform them of your situation and what you plan to do. Ask them what you need to do in order to ensure this occurs. I hope this help. Good luck. You and you're children deserve a better man in you're life.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Video tape and record his behavior, take it to the police. Social and mental abuse is still abuse, and with the proper evidence, can be fixed quickly, before things become more drastic. My mom went through the same type of thing a few years ago.

    • you can't record a person without their knowledge it is illegal

    • Show All
    • @howzit2015 Maybe so, I guess my answer was a bit over the top about it. Hopefully that didn't hurt. Thanks. So, asker lady, listen to this guy and report it, just not the other stuff.

    • the sad part is in most domestic abuse, assault, or rape cases it's just one parties word against another's. If she has friends, family, or knows of people who have knowledge of the incident she needs these people to come forward to add validity to her case, and help build a solid case against this man. Depending on her location there will be domestic abuse shelters dedicated to helping women in her situation. I hope this helps. Good luck

What Guys Said 1

What Girls Said 1

  • Wow. Thats bizarre

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