Should I change my approach to online dating?

I've always hated the idea of online dating for a number a reasons that I don't feel like sharing...

Anyway, my friend convinced me to try it and even though it's only been like a week I'm not too pleased with the results so far.

What I've been doing is using it very sparingly meaning I've only sent out like 26 messages (which feels like a lot to me) BUT only have gotten 2 responses back lol.

What I'm doing is I just read some of the info they've posted in their profile then I ask a simple question based on what I read for example one girl said she coaches so I asked "what do you coach?" another said she teaches and I asked the same thing "what do you teach?" (but got a response back from her on that one). **Depending on their bio I'll make my question/message a little more interesting, basically I write whatever comes to mind.

So should I be doing this differently or is this just hows it's going to be?

***I'm not really a hook up type of guy, I just want to have conversations to see if meeting up is even an a worthwhile option... mainly I just want be given a chance.

  • You're approach is fine, that's just how it is...
  • That's not good enough, it's too boring & lazy you need to be more appealing you can ask a question but it has to be more intriguing (but I understand why you wouldn't want to do that because they still probably won't reply & you don't know if they are worth the effort)
  • Maybe you should try this... (explain)
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Your approach to how you write your messages is good - making it clear that you actually read the bio makes a huuuuge difference. However, in the end, you're still not likely to get that many responses, as most even moderately attractive women on dating sites get so many messages that they'll ignore the majority of them - it's just the way it is, sorry!

    Your best bet is to make sure that your profile is attractive - make sure you use good (but not misleading) pictures that make you come across as interesting/fun. And use your profile blurb and tagline to come across as interesting/funny/fun.

    When I was online dating, I rarely bothered answering messages and instead would search profiles and message the guys that I was attracted to. It's a much more pleasant way to online date as a woman because it significantly cuts down on the number of ass holes you end up talking to... the biggest thing for me was always what their pics said about them. Now, not all women are the same, but when I was online dating, if the guy had a shirtless gym or flexing in the mirror pic, I assumed he was a douche. If he had pics of him with sexy hooters girls or promo chicks, etc, again I would assume douchebag. If his pics were mostly candid shots of him doing fun stuff (hiking, skiing/snowboarding, skateboarding, running a marathon, playing a sport, playing an instrument, etc) that upped the attraction factor big time. A group shot or two with friends or a headshot were fine too, but would't sway me one way or another.

    • I just took a photo of myself playing guitar... I'll probably get a skateboarding shot at some point with the homies at the skate park. Besides that there is just a candid shot of me wearing a dress shirt that I thought looked alright.

      I don't know, this is all pretty halfhearted to me I'd rather force myself to got to new places to meet people in person (meaning leave my comfort zone). I just don't see this format working for me. Sure there is more I can/should do to make myself look more appealing but it just seems so computerized and stagnate.

Most Helpful Guy

  • I guess try throwing in some humor in there if you can or try doing a message that stands out from the rest.

    I've done what you've done with asking about careers and interests though and a good chunk don't respond but also a good chuck have. It's a lottery really. But you also have to consider these girls get like 30+ messages a week so it's hard for them to respond to every single one.

    Online dating can be very frustrating though, especially with people posting misleading pics and info as well as the attention whores.

    • Yeah I'm aware of the differences both men and women experience when it comes to this... I just don't find it very appealing to begin with.

    • Not to mention the high amount of competition on there which is a double edged sword. Like its good to keep your options open early on but you also gotta be aware that your dates are probably seeing others are too.

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