Should I be worried that my S/O still had pictures of his ex?

Let me be clear as to why this annoys/worries me. Him and his ex broke up TWO YEARS ago, after he found out that she had been cheating on him for half of the time that they dated (one year). It broke his heart. He got depressed bad enough to try and take his own life.
Now I understand what that's like, two years ago I broke up with my ex for the same reason, and was so depressed I made an attempt on my life.
Two years later and here we are, now dating each other. He says he hates her because she broke his heart, and that he loves me unconditionally, that without me there would be nothing.
But im worried that he's still stuck on her for some reason. I feel like he's comparing me to her. Like one night I told him I would love him for forever and nothing would ever change that. He laughed and said that "he'd heard that one before". As in that's what she used to tell him.
A little while ago there was some b*tch sending his messages and pictures and at first he thought it was me trying to get him to cheat (until he read the messages that dumba*ss send me) and said "it was the same thing his ex had done to him."
I have promised him many many times that I will never do to him what she did. He's all I have. He says the same to me about my ex.
So why, are there still pictures of her? I mean, they're on Facebook but they're of him and her kissing and being all lovey dicey. There are no pictures of him and I. He doesn't want pictures of him and I on Facebook.
Why? Is it because that was him and hers thing? I obviously want to confront him with all of this but I wanna know if I'm overreacting, or if there really is something for me to worry about.
There has got to be something about her that he misses (other then her big a** tits).
I just don't know what else to do. It breaks my heart and I can't sleep. My stomach is in knots just thinking a

*thinking about asking him.
Is he still in love with her and misses her even with all that she's done?
Can he love me as much as he says if he's keeping reminders of her around?
Why would he STILL have couple pictures of them, but refuse to have ones with me?
I just don't understand. I won't be her. Is that what he wants from me?
What do I do?
It scares me that he might still miss her.
I feel like I should also let you all know that him and I have been together for almost a year now (so it's been three years since they split up).


Most Helpful Guy

  • I can understand your concerns and you can confront him, but after reading your post, I have noticed that he still hasn't recovered from the past, he still doesn't have the same trust as he has before and that's why when you tell him that you won't do what his ex did, he has a hard time believing that. He has been hurt before, so it's natural.

    However your concerns are justified, even I don't understand why he would still have her pics, that is indeed inappropriate.


Most Helpful Girl

  • What's more worrisome than the pictures is the fact that he clearly doesn't trust you, and that he somehow manages to bring her up in the most random conversations. Especially intimate conversations. That's just wrong.
    I have a theory. As long as you hate someone and hold a grudge for someone who did something to you in the past, you're not over it. He has said that he hates her and he seems to be making spiteful comments about her when he gets the chance. So no, he's not over it. One bit. I'd also argue that he's not even ready for a new and serious relationship yet because of that. Someone who's over it wouldn't care. They wouldn't think about it anymore or try to incorporate the past into their present conversations in such a negative manner. That's more scary than the dumb facebook photos in my opinion. I couldn't be with someone like that, someone who clearly lacks the trust to really be able to "love unconditionally" like they claim.


What Guys Said 5

  • a lot of people don't remove photos from facebook, even when they're pictures of past relationships gone wrong. It's common.

    That in itself should not be a cause for concern but you have the right to ask for him to remove them. If he refuses to accommodate your request or takes a defensive stance, then that points towards a problem.

  • I dated a girl years ago whose fiancĂ©e was killed in an auto accident. She keep pics of him and bed linens around. I was patient, but 4 months in I blew up and said, "Put those fucking pics and blankets away ! Ted is gone and you won't see him again in this life ! Get over it ! Furthermore I'm not competing with a ghost !" She started crying and I left right then. The next day I went to see her. Everything was gone. No, you're not at all wrong.

  • U dont have to worry..
    But these old pics can entice him to rekindle things..
    It can be dangerous later on

  • Don't worry about it.

  • ask him why he have her till now


What Girls Said 2

  • Firstly, I didn't remove any pictures of me and my ex's from facebook either. I just don't care about social media and I'm not even using it often. Hell I still have some dumb pictures I took ages ago (like photoshop gone wrong lol) and I don't care. I don't even look at them. And I wouldn't give two flying fucks if my boyfriend has some old pictures. So, in my opinion, you are overreacting with this.

    Secondly, telling him that you are gonna love him forever and ever is completely immature and stupid. It's a wishful thinking and you are filling his head with something we all know it might not be true. You don't know if you're gonna love him forever, there is always a possiblity that you are not and a possibility that you're gonna do exactly what his ex did. I would be very careful and doubtful if someone told me that they are gonna love me forever because words mean nothing and are often a turn off if used in cheesy ways. Life is not a romantic book, you gotta stay realistic. I tend not to speak of anything that might happen in future, I focus on now. So when I love someone I tell them I love them and that's it. No need to stretch it to "forever". His ex maybe said the same so of course he is gonna laugh it off, I would too. You can't blame him for having trust issues. All you can do is try not prove your intentions with actions and to avoid words as much as you can. Accept that he had a rough past, but don't bring it up unless he does. Saying "I've heard that before" is not directly pointing to his ex, so I don't see a problem in what he said. If he keeps saying things like "My ex this, my ex that, etc." then it's bad, yes, and then you should tell him to stop talking about her.

    And third, the only thing that would maybe bother me a little bit is that he doesn't want to share pictures of the two of you together. I would confront him about it (without mentioning his ex or anyone else), would just subtly say that I wish he would put our pictures on facebook sometimes.

    • It's not just that I'm making promises of forever, because he is too. It's more that when I make those promises, he promises to love me even longer. I say for forever, he says for infinity. He's asked me if I'll marry him one day and I told him if he'd have me. He's looked at rings, he's asked me about wedding things. He's done everything but propose, and he says he hasn't done that because we aren't financially set yet.

      You also have to understand that I've been through the exact same thing, at the same time, and had the same issues afterwards. We've both had rough pasts and yet I trust my heart with him, and his with me. But it's still the fact that there's obviously something about her that he's stuck on, because he can't seem to let me help fix what she's broken.

  • I think the fact he still talks about her shows he's still thinking about her. He's had a long time to get over her as well so he might still have feelings.

    Take the pictures with a grain of salt... I keep pictures of me and my ex (not anywhere within close reach like my phone) because there were happy times and it was an important time of my life.

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