Should I get upset about my boyfriend's priorities? Here are the orders that I think they rank in: 1. Work. 2. Working out the gym. 3. Me. ?

My boyfriend is contantly into working out and going to the gym, I think to a point where it is an obsession, and a competition between him and his brother and other male friends. He eats healthy on a regular basis to a point where it is annoying. I, myself, have never been overweight. I have acutally been the same weight since higschool and have always had a healthy BMI. (I'm 28 now.) I've also have been an athlete and have played multiple sports, so I know what it takes to do physical fitness, and I know how to eat healthy lose wieght or gain weight if I wanted.

Anyways, my boyfriend has always been into working out. In fact, before I had started dating him, I had went on a date with one of his friends prior to meeting him. His friend had asked me what time I wanted to be picked up. I told him 7:00pm, and then he said he couldn't do that time and that 8:30 would work. I later found out he couldn't go later because he had to go work out. Well, let's just say I didn't like that, things didn't go well with is freind, and I met my boyfriend that I have now.

When I met my boyriend I didn't know he knew the guy I previously went out with. They just happend to be roommates who liked to go to the gym together. Anyways, when we first started dating, he used to spend a lot of his time with me, and wouldn't go to the gym as much. Lately it has been an obsession, and now I am starting to feel like I am dating the guy I met before I had started dating my boyfriend. I feel like my boyfriend is constantly either A. telling me to not eat out as much. B. Telling me to stop eating cookies, or desserts C. asking me to go go the gym with him. To do pushups or situps in my house. etc.

I got mad at him last night because it was Friday night, and instead of making plans to hang out with me, after a week of not hanging out with me he had already mad

made plans first to go to the gym, rather then do something with me. It's like he is dating the gym, and I'm second in his life. And this has not been the only time he has done this. We don't hang out as much. I know I could go to the gym with him if I truly wanted to, but I've been so mad lately about going because he has been nagging me so much about working out and how to eat. I was an elite gymnast at one point in my life. I know how to work out, and eat right. I just feel like I am c
constantly being schooled about diets, what to eat, when to eat, to have a beer or to not have a beer, it's getting annoying. I just want to spend time with my boyfriend doing something on the weekends. I've told him how I feel and he just continues to talk /nag about it more. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to wish we had more in common.

Also I don't know who made him an expertise on health. He's giving me advice I'm not asking for. Like I've said. I still weigh what I weighed i


Most Helpful Guy

  • I see a lot of people (guys and gals) at the gym who are there before I get there, still there when I leave, and I am sure they do that every day. It is some kind of obsession. He is not doing it for you, believe me. He is enamored with his own body and can;t give it up. If he could find a way to make money without going to his work, he would be at the gym even more.

    Give up and just let it be that way for most of your life, or find someone else.

    • Thanks... Only 6 more months to our wedding! We just had an argument about it last night.

      I know what having an obsession is like with your body, and I have a phobia of going to back to that. I know he likes to work out, and I also know what it can do to a person... Growing up I had an eating disorder where I wouldn't eat anything and would work out 4 hours a day 4 nights a week doing gymnastics. Nothing matter anymore except how I looked in the mirror. I feel like I don't ever want to go back to that. I'm fine now, but I don't see how having an obsession is something good, how making sure looking perfect can be the best thing a person could want in life.

      I think his obsession is healthy, but I have my own insecurities too. It's one thing to know how to loose weight and to chose to work out, but it's another to drag people into forcing people to do your diets, and work out beliefs. Working out is a choice. What makes him the expert?

    • Show All
    • Part of me thinks that breaking up was a mistake and part of md thinks it is for the best. I'm torn. I'm just really really sad.

    • Thank you for MHGuy. :-)
      I hope you are not blaming this site (the people on it) for bad advice. We tried to tell you that he was not good for you. Unfortunately, you did not arrive at that conclusion yourself, but he broke up with you. If you had realized the best solution was to leave and made the decision yourself, at least you would have that knowledge of making the right decision to fell better about.

      You sound like a wonderful woman. Put this behind you and move on tho better things. A lot of wonderful guys would love to meet you! Hopeing for the best for you.

What Guys Said 2

  • You could get upset about it, but those other two are for you. He wants to provide for you and look good for you. So putting those as his top two is still kinda putting you at the top. If you like his looks and money stability, you probably shouldn't complain too much

    • His looks are important, but not important enough for him to forget about weekend plans... I want to date someone who cares more about me than his reflection in the mirror. He's healthy, and looks good. He just goes to extremes sometimes... I've never complained about weight or body or muscles... I just wish he could work out on the weekdays... Oh wait he does that too.

  • The most logical thing to do is talk to him about it

    Don't try to make him give it up, but try to convince him to make a little time for you

    His priorities should be work first and you second

    • Thanks... I have talked about it to him. He still does it.. : / but yeah work is not the problem. I'ts the gym, then our weekend plans don't happen. I just want someone to talk to after work sometimes, especially on those weeks we haven't had time to talk or hang out. It makes me sad a little...

    • If he's not willing to make some time, then it may be time to leave

    • We broke up. We've also been engaged for 8 months, and dating at total of 3.5 years. It wasn't just about the gym. I guess it was everything. He thought we were incompatible. Take us back a year ago from this day. I feel like he was a different person, and our relationship was a hell of a lot better. Here I am sad again.

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