Is there a way for me to know if we're exclusive without having "The Talk"?

Sooooo I am in nursing school and started a new class a few weeks ago and almost immediately noticed this super hot guy in my class. With a lot of finaggling (sp?) on my end i convinced his friend to hook us up and it's been amazing. We have class/clinicals together four days a week so we see each other A LOT and we work at the same hospital so when we don't see each other in class we see each other there. In the span of four weeks we've been on maybe four official dates and some smaller "hang outs" in between, had sex numerous times, I met his daughter, ex-wife, brother and dogs in passing and yet (yes i know this sounds crazy) I can't tell if he considers us to be exclusive. I think the thing that's throwing me off is we both lead pretty busy lives so when we're apart we don't talk (no text, no phone call nothing) which is in stark contrast to when we're together; when we're together he's very doting and affectionate. I could easily ask him (i've considered it) but have this fear of coming off as controlling which i am not. So I'm putting this out into the universe and seeing what you guys think. Exclusive or not quite?


What Guys Said 1

  • You write really, really well and your spelling is spot on. That shows care. And you're studying to be a nurse so that's awesome. I have so much respect and admiration for nurses. I'm not exactly sure how to spell finagling either! lol
    When you're with your boyfriend in an intimate moment (not even necessarily sexual) you could just say something like: "You know, I don't want to see anyone else but you." That puts the ball in his court. Hopefully he'll say the same thing. I'm sorry you had to meet his ex-wife. That shouldn't be necessary and was probably uncomfortable. He should have found a way to avoid that.

    • Thanks! When i take the time instead of rushing to type things I actually manage to sound somewhat intelligent lol I actually like that idea I might try it if i can get up the courage. I was a little nervous about meeting his ex-wife, but it helped that i didn't know it was about to happen and she seemed very gracious so it wasn't too terrible :) The only awkward part was when he introduced me as "his friend."

What Girls Said 1

  • Dude it's been a month (and far too early to eat the kid I feel people should wait until they know they are going to be committed for the long haul since the kids suffer the most). Sex does not equal exclusivity, neither does spending time. Either you have the talk (which once again too soon) or wait until one of you makes it obvious.

    • Yea meeting his daughter actually wasn't planned at all it was just one of those things where i'm always with him and she was dropped off unexpectedly otherwise i most likely wouldn't have met her yet. May i ask why you consider a month too soon? I am of the mindset that exclusivity is simply two people saying to each other that they actually enjoy each other's company and would like to get to know each other better without the added distraction of other people. And I'm not sure what would be "something that would make it obvious."

    • To me being exclusive means you know enough about that person that you don't want to date someone else, and are ready to take the relationship to the next level. A month is not enough time for that. At this point you are still starry eyed and in lust. Before committing to someone you need to step back, know their faults and accept them. Let the 3 months it takes for the lovey dover hormones to calm down and examine if this person is good for you. IF they are you don't need to rush it, things just happen naturally.
      As for something that makes it obvious my "talks" have always happened at mundane times. Like the guy being over for the afternoon and as he walks past me with my head in the washing machine removing clothes he will casually mention that he stopped sleeping with other people like a month ago. And then I reply I turned down a date from the hot new guy at work. One of us will mention that it seems we don't want other people involved. The other one agrees and we continue on.

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