Why is he doing this?

I love him and he loves me but our relationship is long distance. He claims he's busy and reads my messages i've sent but get's back to them hours later, yet I can tell he's been all over social media. His messages he replies with are very short and almost always saying sorry i'm busy... we'll talk tomorrow I promise. Then tomorrow rolls around and we don't get to talk. What's going on here? He cut's our talk time short and when we do talk he's not fully present in the conversation. I was finally so happy for the first time ever in a relationship and then this happens. I don't get it. Maybe he's fallen out of love with me and doesn't know how to say it. I understand people get busy but I don't understand this.


What Guys Said 2

  • it's good you keep digging and try to understand
    when you talk with someone ( who live in another country ) you should avoid talking everyday because it's like repeating the same routine
    at the same time you should make sure that the conversation never die
    Th'at's why you can mension funny stuff like movies and tv series
    give him a subject that he wanna give his opinon about
    i don't like the sound of "he answer late" , don't worry... even when live away; people still talk with each other because they understand each other and that gather them
    not talking with you isn't about losing love, sometimes pushing people away because of big sadness is easier than being sad and talk
    MAKE sure that you don't sound like someone who ask too much, be different, be unique, be nice

    • Thank you so much :)
      That's very helpful.

  • How long have you been in a relationship with him? How long is long distance?

    He probably hasn't fallen out of love with you, he may just have a hard time keeping interest because of the long distance. Relationships are hard and a lot of work already. Doing the long distance thing, makes it all the more difficult.

    • In retrospect... not very long. I never ever say I love someone, especially super early in a relationship. But he is just the most amazing guy I've ever connected with. And our feelings have been so mutual it's just amazing. These feelings that are so real and unexplainable. Until recently I don't know what going on. He has something going on in his life at the moment that's taking his time but certainly not all of it and it should be over in a few weeks... so I'm hoping that's all it is and that it's draining him and when it's over we can talk more :)
      The distance is very far. Different countrie across the world from each other and a large time difference as well. I'd rather not give too much info because he does have a GAG account.

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    • Anytime and good luck to you. Hope all works out for you.

    • I hope so too.

What Girls Said 1

  • My main advice? Don't do long-distance relationships.

    That said, the underlying story is that since you aren't around anymore, the relationship you guys had together is losing its importance in the face of his 'real' relationships (as in, the people he actually sees everyday).

    I know this is going to sound hard, but I would advise you both to take a break from each other. It's the healthiest way to deal with the situation you're describing. You can always get back together once you see each other again, even after an intermediate relationship, but I know enough guys who've cheated on their girlfriends specifically due to the long-distance relationship. I'm not saying he's already cheated, but statistically speaking, he might. Not because he doesn't love you, but because you're not there anymore. So maybe the reasonable solution would be to let him go, at least for the time being.

    • i agree about some parts, but even if he cheated he could still talk because he see something unique in her and wanna always stay in touch... friends
      because of not seeing her ( video chat...) he will lose some hope of seeing her
      --> never stop giving each other hope
      --> do stuff that make you feel close to him
      ---> never lose hope, remember that you will became better the next day
      by experience, some people get extremely sad and talking make them get throw some sadness so they decide to push you away
      that's why you should avoid the same routine
      ( by you i ment Anonymous
      (18-24) )

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    • Complicated workarounds to fight solitude is something I can perfectly understand :) I'm just saying, don't bury yourself in this. Keep looking around you as well, you never know who might turn up :p

    • very true