We have been dating for approximately 5.5 months. We look at each other's phones from time to time, and I notice how she tells a guy that she loves him, sends hearts, compliments him, etc. Now, usually this is a blood red flag that something's going on, but the reason I'm confused is because this is one of her internet friends. Now, why would I be concerned about this? She has "dated" an internet friend before. She tells this guy she loves him, mails him things, he mails her things, and it just seems like a lot. From what she says, this guy is depressed. He's never been in a relationship before. It just seems like he's hitting on my girlfriend, and she's blindly leading him on. Or maybe she isn't? I have confronted her about it and she went into a crying fit that she only loves me, and so on. I forget the rest of that conversation.
I texted her that I loved her on Facebook Messenger, and so did this guy. She replied to his message, but left mine unread. That is what led up to the confrontation.
I'm just not sure what I should think. Is this suspicious at all? This is just what I've been seeing with this guy. They text a lot and have each other added on all social media. I wouldn't think anything of it, except for the fact that she HAS had an internet relationship before. I'm not really sure what to think.
Most Helpful Girl
Normally the only person Id say "I love you" to is the person Im dating however there have been some friends I said it to as well.
I think if this was a cheating issue she would be hiding her messages and phone from you but she doesn't so it sounds like she isn't cheating. You do have a right to be concerned nowadays infidelity can be detected my social media and texts. I dont think she's cheating but you should make sure she isn't leading someone else on. Maybe she does have friends who she cares about and tells them that she loves them. Sometimes a friend is all we have.1
Most Helpful Guy
Wow! relationships today are tougher than the past!
So this is called an "emotional" relationship that she has with this other guy. And to her it feels "safe" because she doesn't plan to do anything with him, probably likes that he is a "wounded bird" and wants to mother him.
It is inappropriate as u stated. The good part of it is that she is open about it (as far as you know) and not hiding anything; that is comforting. But in terms of your relationship with her, it is a problem.
Honestly I did the same thing to my girlfriend she is doing to you and I didn't get it. I had a female friend who was just that a friend, but it trashed our relationship.
What has to be done is she needs to be educated that this is hurtful to you and your relationship with her. That may take a 3rd party you both trust like a trained relationship counselor. What then happens is she needs to put up some "boundaries" with this other person so that you are secure in knowing she loves you, is committed to you and not anyone else. That makes it a monogomous relationship which I think is what you both want.
Example boundaries in this scenario, but you need to help guide this to what would make it safe. Realize, the only safe solution may be that she disconnect completely from this guy. If so, that is an ultimatum in the relationship and it may break you two:
* She doesn't tell him she loves him, she says she appreciates his friendship or something like that.
* She only spends time with him if you are there, like communicating or physically.
* No secrets
* you need to talk with her about why she is liking other people's stuff and not yours. I get the feeling she is really not into this relationship with you. She may not be ready for an exclusive relationship.
Don't retaliate by doing something to hurt her, that is childish although I can undestand why you would.
Even though you are young, you are learnign a lot here. I highly recommend, if you have the funds or access, get a relationship counselor (at school, professional) to council both of you. See if parents will pay for it. That will be one of the best investments they've ever made if they are good and turn over the rocks to find problems. This isn't saying somethign is wrong with you, honestly there is something wrong with everyone and the lack of training and education in relationships is pathetic in our world. It should be standard practice...
If I can help further, let me know.0