When a girl tells you she just wants to be friends and you really like her?

I have recently met a guy... and we have hung out 3 times. I really like him and we get on so well... however, I just dont have those feeling that I would want it to be anything more than just friends.
He is clearly into me. I am a honest person and msged him after the third date that I dont want to be anything more than friends. I feel really bad... because I hate hurting peoples feelings especially when they are nice.

Guys, have you been in this situation? Also, if you really liked a girls... and she told you this after three dates... would you still bother to hang out with her or would that not be an option?


Most Helpful Guy

  • First and foremost, I must thank you on his behave that you directly told him that you did not have that kind of feelings for him. It is not easy to be honest about it, but it will save him from a lot of uncertainty, even if he doesn't realize that now.

    I have had this happen with my best friend (girl) at the time. I was very much into her and we saw each other very often. At one point, she directly told me that she didn't feel like that about me. I was very disappointed, but did not resent her at all. It is not her fault that she doesn't have those feelings, so why should i be angry at her?
    But yes, it still hurt of course. I ended up still seeing her regularly, which was a bad idea in hindsight. I kept being reminded of why I liked her as more than a friend. When I unconsciously said something flirty, or sat close to her, she was forced to remind me that we were just friends. It took me a few months to completely get over my feelings for her, at which point we were genuinely best friends.
    When she told me, some time later, that she was in love with a friend of mine, the feelings I had for her re-emerged in an instant. I decided that I would not let those feelings control me and after a month they went away again.

    Being friends with someone you like is not easy and frankly, often a bad idea. Yet, this is not obvious at all while you are in such a situation yourself.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I have this happen to me recently, the guy I met and went on few dates friend-zoned me, while I developed really strong feelings for him. To be completely honest, the only reason I kept hanging out with him is because I had hopes. I did liked him as a person but damn I just couldn't control my feelings for him and you know what they say - hope dies last. And I think I did it because he wasn't really clear enough, he didn't use the exact words that would indicate that he is not into me. He said something about his ex and about moving away... I wasn't sure if he just sugar-coat it to let me down easy, or he was really honest. After awhile, I realized he was sugar-coating it and he just wasn't into me. I guess that's the moment my hope died, and so did the interest in him. He tried really hard to keep me in his life as a friend but I just didn't want it anymore... I sometimes feel guilty and sad about it, but I know it was the right thing to do, I can't force something I don't want. I respect him a lot, he is a wonderful person and I am sure that we would be great friends if time and circumstances were different... In the end, he really did moved away to another country.


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What Guys Said 2

  • If I were him I'd stop talking with you after tbh, not bc hurt necessarily but just bc it's like why be friends when he was into you

    • True, but we have a lot of fun together as friends... and why give up on someone if they could potentially be a great friend. Maybe his feelings could fade at some point as I told him soon enough.

    • Ya who knows but, for me I still would just cut ties. Already have plenty of friends lol
      and feelings dont fade in my opinion if he was into you

  • It sucks. What happens next depends on the mindset of the guy. Some will view it as a challenge. The others will view it as a rejection.
    Amongst them who view as rejection they may make time to hang out with you as friends, but its not easy being friends with someone who you want more with. In some ways it is a constant reminder your not good enough for them


What Girls Said 0

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