So I have started spending time at my bfs house, and I slept over a few times, and has expressed as much as he loves me staying over. He does not sleep well when I am sleeping next to him. I asked him and he says that's just it, there is nothing to it. Also when he stays at me, he does not sleep in the same bed as me. I can;t help but feel not wanted. Guys has that ever been an issue for you, and why is that so?
Most Helpful Guy
What you describe is nothing out of the ordinary. People often sleep best under the conditions they are most used to.
What he's actually telling you is that he is not used to having someone else in bed while he sleeps. Thus, minor disturbances like you shifting, making noises... etc, prevents him from getting rest. There is also the other issue where he is trying to lie perfectly still and motionless so that he does not disturb YOU. The anxiety of thinking he needs to be quiet and motionless when you're sleeping next to him can actually prevent him from sleeping.
Do you guys nap together? Often, people don't care if the other person is shifting around or making noise during daytime naps. It might be a starting point, so that he gets used to someone else in the bed.
I used to have problems sleeping next to my wife, when we first met. I normally move around a lot before I can fall asleep. When she started sleeping over, I felt like I couldn't move around like I normally do. Years later, I no longer care and will make all the noise and movement I want. I can sleep fine with her now. In fact, when she is travelling and away from home, the bed feels very cold and lonely and I have trouble sleeping without her mouth-breathing noises.2
Most Helpful Girl
Just believe him. It happens all the time. I don't even sleep as well when I'm over at my guys place. It's totally normal, especially for people who are used to sleeping on their own. Having someone else is a totally different experience, there is the issue of body heat, any noise the partner makes while sleeping, movements while sleeping, and a bunch of other things that don't mean he doesn't want you. If this really is a problem, ask if he would be willing to do so on the weekends when he doesn't have to get up for work, so you guys can practice sleeping together4