Am I in the friendzone or am I gold?

This girl and I started dating in March and everything was going well. We can talk for hours, love to be around each other and we're very flirty. We progressed I think a little too fast to bf/gf status (After a month) and it freaked her out a bit (She just got out of a 5 year relationship in January) She has major trust issues owing to her ex (Thinks I'll cheat, made me swear up and down I wasn't seeing anyone else multiple times) Long story short, she wanted to end things and be friends. I didn't beg her or plead and we didn't talk for almost a week. Then she starts texting me again and her attitude seems more than friendly. After a few days of light flirty chatter, she said she'd like to set me up with her friend, but I told her I didn't want to try another relationship so soon. Then she asked me "Well, what if I wanted to get back together?" and I told her I wouldn't want to jump right back into a relationship with her and that I'd rather take it slow. (Half-true) After that things really seemed to take off and she's almost acting like she's my girlfriend again texting me good morning and goodnight most days. Sometimes she catches herself and says "I thought we were just going to be friends" but she always loses herself again in the conversation, especially when we flirt. At one point last night we were talking about a sex position and she said we could try it sometime. (Sex was always good with us) Things had gotten a little stale before we broke up (I think we were talking too much) but now it's like we're firing on all cylinders again. Do you think I'm assessing the situation clearly? Am I at least on some kind of path to getting her back, even just as like casually dating, or does this sound like friendzone stuff?


Most Helpful Girl

  • It does not sound like you're friendzoned, but it doesn't sound like this will go anywhere either.
    It's up to you if you're fine with it. she clearly enjoys your company and so do you enjoy hers, so all in all it's ok. Sort of like friends with benefits.
    What seems odd however is that she offered to hook you up with a friend... if it was a test, it is a really stupid and immature one. makes me wonder how young she is. She COULD be in it only for the attention. Hard to tell.
    If i where you I'd simply go along for as long as it is ok for you, but don't get too attached emotionally before things look more serious.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Run run run dude... RUN! Come on you're 30-35!

    You are not assessing the situation clearly AT ALL!

    You are not gold, you are a REBOUND. Jumping into a relationship 2 months after a 5 year relationship is DANGER ZONE for rebound.

    The moment her ex gives her any hint of being interested, she will RUN back to him. And guess what? "Long story short, she wanted to end things and be friends. I didn't beg her or plead and we didn't talk for almost a week." That's exactly what is happening here.

    "she said she'd like to set me up with her friend" Dude she's already dumping you off on someone else. Tell me, if she was so interested in you, why would she dump you off on another girl? BECAUSE SHE IS GOING BACK TO HER EX.

    "Thinks I'll cheat, made me swear up and down I wasn't seeing anyone else multiple times". This is pretty much the biggest red flag there is in the dating world.

    Dude, this is the type of story that ends up being used as an example on relationship advice websites.

    Anyhow, I was not trying to be aggressive, I am just trying to help you before you get hurt.

    • She's not going back to her ex. Trust me. They're actually divorced now so that's not happening here. She made the decision to get him out of her life for good. They'd been split up for almost 6 months before that and he threatened her with a gun. I left that part out because I didn't think it was relevant and it makes her seem worse than she is.

      I can see how I could still be a rebound. I don't really care. The sex is good and I want more. I'm not emotionally invested.

    • Show All
    • The gun thing was as she was leaving him to try and get her to stay. She left him because she found out he was looking for casual sex online. I get it, it makes her look trashy.

      She's also re-enrolled in college and got a 3.8, (She sent me a snapchat because she was so proud) and she works as a receptionist in a lawyer's office (I've seen proof of this as well) She's kind of trying to turn her life around. She doesn't come from a trashy home. I think she fucked up her early 20's by getting married to the guy and now she's trying to make good.

      She may very well have some kind of personality disorder owing to her marriage. She isn't crazy though. I know crazy.

    • I don't know dude. Most people would tell you this is a lost cause.

      You are making a lot of excuses for her. You need to focus on yourself lol.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • She wants to keep you around for the attention I think, but doesn't want to be in a serious relationship with you, or she isn't ready for a serious relationship yet. But she likes having you around, because she probably feels better getting some male attention. I'm sorry to say but she isn't acting like a girl who's crazy about her guy. Especially with her trying to hook you up with her friend (though if she has "trust" and "cheating", she may have been testing you too, to see what you'd say about going out with her friend. At any rate you should probably move on if you want a serious relationship with someone. Also, one word of advice: with your posted age range, you should probably stop dating "girls" and start dating "women" instead :-)

    • You're right about the women thing. She is older (29) and I usually say women and not girls. I also usually date women (24 is as low as I'll go anymore at 30, anything below that is too immature)

      I think it's that she isn't ready yet. Her divorce was very nasty and she had to move back here and start her life all over again. One thing that makes me think she's serious about not being ready is we met on a dating site and so far she hasn't returned to it which I think backs up her story that she isn't ready for a relationship yet and not just that she isn't interested in a relationship with me. She says things like I wish I'd met you 5 years ago or a year from now, and that I'm sweetest guy. I think a relationship this soon after a divorce might have been too much too soon.

      Also, I live in the middle of nowhere. 99% of the people who live around here are undateable. I'm talking drugs, trashy people, etc. I like her enough I can keep her on the back burner and see where this goes.

  • I think she doesn't even know and she's just testing the waters

  • she's playing you. she enjoyed the attention she got when she was with you. she says she wants to be friends to be in control of the situation and when you go along with it, it messes up her world. From my POV, i reckon she only enjoys the male attention and validation. But take it slow and see where it goes. Ask her what her definition of friends is, because you two are in friends with benefits by the sounds of it.

    • I told her straight up that it was alright if she didn't have feelings for me and she said she wasn't sure right now. I'm not sure how honest that answer is but I believe you can be confused about feelings, especially after a long relationship. She also said she had trouble believing I had feelings for her. I think part of that is she would panic every now and then and say we needed to slow down and during that time we would both withdraw some affection. I don't come off it in my posts but I am pretty funny to some girls and I know I make her laugh and smile and I can tell she legitimately enjoys spending time with me.

      Or I might be wrong and she might just be getting validation from me and my attention. It's so hard to tell with women sometimes.

What Guys Said 5

  • I think you are on the path to som serious pain and suffering actually. on a scale of 1-10 how emotionally stable would you say she is. She sounds like a 2 at best.

    She sounds passive aggressive... e. g. were not in a relationship... oh then, I'll open up and we are. Could be control issues. You know she is the walking wounded right? The way you write, you sound healthy but if you are into her, there may be some stuff screwy unresolved stuff on your side... that may not be obvious... e. g. what about her is so familiar from your childhood?

    I wouldn't throw in the towel, I'd say as a prerequisite to your dating, you both go into counseling immediately. This relationship may be very good for you in that various stuf is worked out in year hearts. But go slow. Work on your issues... she has them heavy and could take years... I don't know about you. At least there is some value out of this.

    You get her pregnant, you're gonna suffer. You are smart to take it easy with her, the sex part... just make sure no babies show up or you will discover the definition of the word FUCKED. I personally think the sex part is a mistake because it risks her already messed up emotions getting entangled. If you breakup after more sex, your gonna see what I mean. But now that you started... your'e in a tough spot because if you back that off and she wants it, she feels rejected. You could maybe back it off as part of a plan to be exclusive with her and build the relationship (that may improve her sense of security, but she may feel unloved, so gotta tread carefully). My 2 cents based upon other reference points.

    I'm not a counselor, I've just seen the messes. You just stepped onto a battlefield in my opionion.. and it may be part of a wonderful plan, but realize, it is a battlefield.

  • Unless you talk about sex positions with your friends than no (pretty sure she wants to go out with you again and see where it goes)

  • i´m not even gonna read this. ask her, then you know. this whole overthinking will just lead to bullshit.

  • I feel ya man, been talking to this girl and we have potential but she just got out of her serious relationship and some stuff in her personal life isn't to great. Think she just got scared of what we could have and it could be better then what her and her boyfriend had and that scares her. Im 25 she is 21 so she is prolly still at that immature age

  • You are with a damaged woman. I'd string her along, but have a side squeeze. Leave her if she starts the friends foolishness, You don't need to be on a roller coaster. You deserve better. Clearly she's damaged and not worth of you.

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